123 help: [Deleted by user] - Help.com

Well, I respect you for your decision and stance re: drugs. She’s got to understand that you’re not going to accept it. (unless you are).

Maybe you could try a compromise? If there’s something you do she doesn’t like, maybe you could come to some arrangement.

1. You moved in with a girl after 3 months? Dude… never ever move in with someone until you have known them for 18 months at least. It takes at least 6-9 months for someone to feel comfortable enough that they stop being on their “best behaviour” and show their true selves.

2. You got an apartment together before you were committed? Again, a huge mistake. You are tying yourself to a person before you really know them. 18 months at the bare minimum is required… and that’s with lots of regular face-to-face dating.

3. You are trying to CONTROL another person’s behaviour? Wow. Another huge mistake. Are you some kind of “rescuer”? Do you get your jollies by rescuing and “improving” people? That’s not a boyfriend. That’s an activist. Or a mommy. That’s a terrible way to have a relationship. It destroys mutual respect and romance.

Dude… you have to walk away from this. Choose someone you adore… and who adores you. Don’t choose people you want to change. If people don’t share your fundamental values, it is utterly stupid to try to have a relationship with them. Honestly.

Life is WONDERFUL when you choose someone who shares your basic values. You spend your time energizing each other, not criticizing or controlling. Honestly. You want to punish her by holding off an engagement in 6 month terms? Dude! STOP THE MADNESS! You are not her daddy. What a huge turn off for both of you.

This girl does not know how to manage her anxiety… so she turns to pot. Other people overeat or drink alcohol. And of course they insist it’s just to have fun. But the whole point of chemicals is to reduce anxiety, particularly with pot.

Guess what? You playing daddy and trying to control her only raises her anxiety levels and she seems to rely on pot to lower them again.

This is a total no-win situation.

You also need to look at yourself. Choose people who share your values. Never choose anyone you want to change. Never. And date someone at least 18 months before making any kind of commitment.

[quote linuxya]1. You moved in with a girl after 3 months? Dude… never ever move in with someone until you have known them for 18 months at least. It takes at least …/quote]

I’m sorry man, but I have a couple of disputes with your answer here.

I do get what you’re saying about trying to control someone - but you’re missing the point here. If OP really feels strongly and cares for this girl, then why shouldn’t he want to get her to stop doing drugs? Sure, he might not be in a position to do so… but hey.

Nobody is perfect. If you spend your whole life waiting for someone who fits in perfectly with your ideals, then you might spend your whole life doing so. You gotta go where life takes you sometimes.

Also - who says she anxious? OP says nothing re: anxiety. I think you’re jumping to conclusions…

Don’t take this the wrong way - I just disagree.