You have every right to feel this way. Boiling it down to pure technicality, he DID rape you by entering you after you made it clear you didn’t want him to.
yes it is rape and I am sorry that it happened to you. He should feel like a rapist because he is. NO means NO
It was definitely wrong of him to go into full sexual contact. But then again since he was able to do that I can only imagine you were nude or close to it. Getting intimate and physical with any guy tends to lead toward that situation. I personally think it was a little foolish to expect that he would have the restraint not to enter you. Guys in general are very sexual beings.
My best advice to you would be to not feel to bad because you did lay ground rules before any of this happened. And he did know what he was getting himself into. If he felt that he wouldn’t be able to control himself than he shouldn’t have continued. As for you being crude, he is the one that pushed the boundaries of your relationship and how far you were willing to go. And he should feel ashamed of himself. Wether that makes him feel like a rapist or not…
He is a rapist, you said no. And it seems you had already discussed that it would not happen, so stop seeing him at the very least, and if you feel it is necessary press charges while there is still proof. Like, right now go to a hospital…
If you were my daughter, I would insist on taking you to the hospital and pressing charges against him.
He had no right to do that to you.
OP, I’m rereading your opening post, and I’m a bit confused, too. You said you were “making out” and he entered you after agreeing not to.
I’m a bit…confuzzled because it sounds like that became far more than the average “make out” session?
When you continued to say “no” he quit? But this was after you let him…in…in the first place?
I may have to rethink my earlier response, as I don’t believe I read it well enough the first time, and missed something important, somewhere. :(
Okay, let’s admit it. Both people can get heated and push things farther than expected, but you stopped and said “No”. When he kept going, he broke some trust.
It’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment, but what he said after the fact makes his point on how you feel about waiting very clear: He doesn’t want to, and doesn’t like respecting your wishes. You need to tell him that this is important to you, and above all? Don’t let someone call you crude for standing up for what you believe in - especially when it involves your own body!
Thank you all for your responses - I guess it really feels like a violation of trust more than anything. I was not wearing anything and very much in the moment and not anticipate that there would be that sort of action - like i said, I thought i loved this man and I trusted him.
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you didn’t want sex, but you were making out with him in a position that put your bare crotches next to each other? it sounds like you shouldn’t have trusted yourself.
AlcyONE wrote:
To answer your question, yes, let him go. Surely he can find someone else who is more mature and actually capable of not playing such games, and will actually love him like an adult. And surely you can find someone else too who is more matched to your own mentality. Good move. Don’t trust him. He’s a dog.
Capable of playing what games? Why does making out need to lead to sex? Why can’t intimacy exist without this man being expected to give in to his carnal desire of performing the one act that simulates creating a child?
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Making out doesn’t have to lead to sex. Both of you being nude or partially nude is what led to sex. As for him trying for sex, he is a man. It is what men do. MEN LIKE SEX, I MEAN REALLY REALLY LIKE SEX. If you can’t understand that, then maybe you shouldn’t be in the dating world, and you definitely shouldn’t be in the nude make-out session world. Once you and him are nude or at least partially nude, there is a very good chance it is going to lead to sex. Believing otherwise is naive.
Consent: knowing what is about to happen, and doing nothing to stop it. I believe you consented.
You agreed to “everything but” and he should have honored that…but…the fact is, in the real world of men and women, that’s just not how it works. If you are mature enough to have sex, you are mature enough to recognize that for a man penetration IS sex, and it is a biological imperative. If a man falls out of an airplane, he will attempt to have sex with someone on the way down. That’s just the way they are wired.
You were naked, you were active, you were where you wanted to be. When you withdrew your consent, he rightfully withdrew. But you did not prevent him from entering you in the first place -in fact, you made it easy, and you made him feel welcome.
I am thinking about this bare crotch rubbing thing and thinking that a man can enter a woman before she realizes what is happening.
Suppose you are in a car making out with a girl and it is hot and heavy and she is sitting on your lap. If a girl is facing you in a car with a skirt on, you can unzip your pants undetected. All you have to do is slip your hand between her legs and pull the panties to one side and BAM you’re in. It can be done, trust me.
Dr. Ralph wrote:
I am thinking about this bare crotch rubbing thing and thinking that a man can enter a woman before she realizes what is happening.
Suppose you are in a car making out with a girl and it is hot and heavy and she is sitting on your lap. If a girl is facing you in a car with a skirt on, you can unzip your pants undetected. All you have to do is slip your hand between her legs and pull the panties to one side and BAM you’re in. It can be done, trust me.
I don’t even know what to say to that. I guess one, would be congrats on being a sexual deviant. Two could be, date more alert women as I know for a fact messing around down there for any length of time causes attention. And three for the mechanics of it all, one of you must be a little off physically for that to be so lol, kinda like dropping a penny in a bucket eh lol.
Whatever. Just don’t try to put the blame on her, it can be done. Especially after a few drinks.
Dr. Ralph wrote:
I am thinking about this bare crotch rubbing thing and thinking that a man can enter a woman before she realizes what is happening.
It could be my exhaustion, but this made me laugh :] thanks.
Dr. Ralph wrote:
Whatever. Just don’t try to put the blame on her, it can be done. Especially after a few drinks.
And I completely agree. It has happened before.
eh, if a girl is rubbing her bare crotch on a dude, that sounds like she is asking for sex to me. the boy is only human. i know that is no excuse, but both people need to take responsibility for their actions in this situation. you both betrayed your own morals and standards of dignity.
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