I think you should realign your life somehow!
Come out of your closet, go out, meet people, make new friends.
YOU have to ACT, otherwise your life will never change.
Stop moaning and move on!
Zirbel wrote:
I think you should realign your life somehow!
Come out of your closet, go out, meet people, make new friends.
YOU have to ACT, otherwise your life will never change.
Stop moaning and move on!
I agree.
Get out there, and that can be accomplished in different ways. You could get a new job (which is very risky and I wouldn’t recommend it) You could get another part time job (which might be impossible for your schedule) you could start your own business (which costs quite a bit of money and you may not want to anyway) you could volunteer or join a club or group organization in the community such as book club or something you have there, (gyms have many classes to choose from) or you could visit social gathering places, such as bars (which are usually not the best places to meet decent people, no offense to anyone) or sports bar (little difference) or just anything you can think of. Have you ever thought about taking time off for traveling?
Thanks for the responses, i know what your saying. I’m just to proud/stubborn for my own good. Guess your right and perhaps it is time for me to man up and face my social demons.
Thanks again for your time.
you call it social demons??? maybe that’s just you, comeon! I’ll tell you something about my father-in-law… he is never spotted in any family / friends gatherings i.e. no birthday parties, no weddings, no conformation parties nothing. but if there is a death, one would see him from the start till the end. if someone has a cop problem , he’s there sitting at the cop station till late in the night. and he does this not just for the family but also extended people. that’s the way he is and he is no social demon.
my apologies, i never meant to offend anybody.
Please forgive me.
I am really sorry, i think there has been a crossed wires here, I was referring to the fact that i don’t do well in social situations hence my own social demons. I have no objection to helping anybody or being their for anybody, I just don’t do well in a social environment. Please accept my apologies Anonymous i never meant to offend you.
People have posted here for less than this; sometimes you need to have a little moan so dont feel guilty for it. I know what you meant and I’m sorry for you; it’s never easy feeling alone or taken advantage of. It’s easy to say you need to stop moaning and to make new friends; but I know that’s hard to do when you’re constantly being let down by supposed friends.
But YOU should be your first priority; if your relatives make you feel bad about yourself and taken advantage of then distance yourself from those situations; people talk a lot about the importance of family, but when it’s all one-sided and they are having a negative impact on you and how you feel about yourself then you dont have an obligation to put yourself in that position just because you’re related. I’m not saying cut them out of your life and never be there for them if they really need it,and I’m sure you wouldn’t do that anyway. Just dont be afraid to take a little step back when you start to feel uncomfortable.
If you think your friends aren’t real friends and take advantage of you, stop being there for them. Dont feel any obligation to people who dont care for you and abuse your good nature. You have feelings too and you sound like a good friend, so if they want to act like that then who needs them?
It is true that the only way your situation will improve is to keep looking for decent people and to keep putting yourself out there. It sucks when you keep getting knocked back but you need to do it for you to be happy.
I’m sorry you feel sad about all this, I hope you manage to make it better.
Thank you for your kind words LittleBean,
In all honesty, I feel that i have actually caused this problem for myself, never allowed myself to ask or even imply to anybody that I might need to talk or have feelings. I consider myself to be old school and believe that personal problems should remain within 4 walls of the home, but after this weekend just come to realize that I have spent most of my life on the outside looking in. Not sure how to explain it but I guess wanting the happiness but never daring to ask for it. If that makes any sense.
At the moment i can’t even hug or hold my daughter because I’m worried i will break down, she has gone for an interview today and i couldn’t even hug her to say good luck. My daughter even calls me a robot, the man who never stops and has no emotions, don’t think she actually knows how much it hurts when she says it, but i can’t show or tell her it hurts, she is my daughter and has a right to her opinion. No matter how much i try to improve or change the situation around me, it never does change, but after thinking about wrapping my car around a tree or something on the way home this weekend instead of coming home, i just knew something wasn’t right. I even shed a tear at my mums grave side this past weekend, for the first time, (i couldn’t even show emotion at her funeral because i had to be strong for the rest of the family/other children). I just wanted to sit there this weekend and ball my heart out too her but i even fought that back because its not my mums problem.
Kinda wish i could just go out and meet people, but i think i kind of scare people off because Im always very guarded and protective, (old school), not exactly the smallest of guys but wish people could see beyond the wall and see what is within.
Cant believe Im actually being honest for a change instead of hidding.
Anonymous wrote:
you call it social demons??? maybe that’s just you, comeon! I’ll tell you something about my father-in-law… he is never spotted in any family / friends gatherings i.e. no birthday parties, no weddings, no conformation parties nothing. but if there is a death, one would see him from the start till the end. if someone has a cop problem , he’s there sitting at the cop station till late in the night. and he does this not just for the family but also extended people. that’s the way he is and he is no social demon.
:)
You know while I read that I was thinking about my own dad; he used to be very similiar to you in your mindset of keeping problems and emotions private- as a result, I’m extremely like that too. Over the past few years he’s started opening up to me a lot more and I’m so glad that he has; little things to begin with but now if something’s bothering him I can usually get him to tell me what it is and I know he feels better for it and I’m so happy I can be of some comfort to him. I think you should maybe try and start with your daughter; that’s the most important relationship to mantain and if you can allow a little of yourself to show with her then it’ll become easier to let other people in. If you continue the way you are then not only will you be unhappy yourself, but the things that hold you back might rub off onto her too, so try improve for her as well as yourself.
You must have a lot of things pent up; I think when you’re next alone in the house you need to have a really good cry. An EPIC cry. Get it all out, cry for your mum and everything that you never took time to cry for before, and then when you’re done just put it all into a imaginary box and start over. Be honest with your daughter, ask how her interview went and give her a really really big hug. If something happens to her tomorrow (god forbid) wont you be sorry that you didn’t? Doesn’t matter if you break down, she’ll still be happy. Emotion’s not a bad thing.
Sorry I’ve prattled on somewhat incoherently! I’m so glad you could be honest and now you know what you need to do and you CAN do it and I’ll be thinking some positive thoughts for you :)
Anonymous
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1 year ago (4 hours, 23 minutes after post)
maninabatcav wrote:
I am really sorry, i think there has been a crossed wires here, I was referring to the fact that i don’t do well in social situations hence my own social demons. I have no objection to helping anybody or being their for anybody, I just don’t do well in a social environment. Please accept my apologies Anonymous i never meant to offend you.
hey buddy chill, i wasn’t offended in any way. I was just giving you an example. running around for others and being genuinely there for others is not wrong. tell me how many people are there for others GENUINELY. and you are there for them. Look at the brighter side of your life. You come to people’s mind when they have no one to turn to.
Sorry needed to take some time out. Whilst it is so good to hear of a family that are coming closer together during these modern times of disjointed families, I honestly don’t know if i can or will be able to burden my daughter with my issues. Please don’t get me wrong, i know that if i was to do so, she would perhaps understand me/my thoughts better, but i also think that is unfair on her. I want her to be happy in her life knowing that she has always been able to do as she pleases, whilst knowing if she wants something in life, she has to strive to accomplish it.
As to having a cry, i truly wish i could, i spend most of my time at home alone so it is something that does crop up within me from time to time, but no matter how much i want to, i always fight it back. Honestly not quite sure where i will go from here, but at least i now know that its not such a bad thing to have emotions, perhaps i just need find the right person to truly open up to and be honest with.
In closing for today i just want to thank you all for your time and comforting words & thoughts. Understanding that perhaps this situation isn’t quite so abnormal will hopefully make sleeping tonight easier. Hopefully i will be back later or tomorrow, but hopefully not quite such an old misery bag. :-)
3 Thank you 3
thank you for the response, my apologies for the delayed reply, it has been pretty hard getting onto the computer without my daughter seeing what I’m doing.
Cant believe that this appears to be such a common issue for everyday people. Can fully understand what your saying about the fear to tell people you know about the situation, not sure if my family have already worked it out as it has been going on the perhaps the best part of 15-20 years now, also being so far away from my family perhaps has not really helped. I have tried to force myself to go to public events & occasions, but i guess i come across as pretty guarded and protective, also find i have very little in common with anybody because I’m always working to pay the bills and have no time for hobbies, guess that should really be something i have to look into as well.
As for telling my daughter what I’m feeling or going through, that is going to be pretty hard because I don’t really want to drag her down or have her feeling sorry for me. I do find i can be honest with my daughter with most things, just not about me, her interview went well, hopes to hear in the next few days, but i still couldn’t hug her.
Perhaps as you say it is time for to admit that external help is required and when the time is right, I may be able to share all of this with her. Think perhaps I need to make an appointment to see my doctor and see what options are out there, biggest thing at the moment has to be something to stop me thinking all the time.
Thanks again for your input and advise, it is making see things much clearer about who i am.
Zirbel
beccafunn
LittleBean