boyfriend help: I blew it…I lost my friend because I confessed my heart - Help.com

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Tough. So what are you going to do now?

Not sure. Just let sleeping dogs lie and forget about it? *Inner me*: “Yo dude, fo-get abatit!(Italian line) I just feel like I shoulda kept it to myself, but then again if it had nothing to do with what i said, and we were gonna stop talking all together…it makes it easier knowing I confessed my heart and soul before it was too late.

You didn’t do anything wrong, in my opinion. You just did what felt right within your heart - no need to blame yourself for what happened. And for the record, I don’t think your admission of feelings for her caused this to happen. I think her jealous boyfriend just couldn’t bear the thought of her keeping in contact with you any longer.
I don’t foresee the relationship living much longer with a jealous and controllong boyfriend.
But there’s nothing you can really do for her. She has to decide when enough is enough.

Hm….well I can say one this is for sure. I know it’s been a while since I replied lol, but things aren’t the same anymore….She isn’t so chit-chatty like she used to be with me….she seems more…..unsure, or irritated….She obviously still loves her bf and I think I made that stronger because of what I did, but in regards to us(we started being friends again cuz the bf called us to stop hanging for a while you were right) it’s different it’s like we aren’t friends anymore just familiar strangers…..And it’s making me act not myself around her and I can’t help it. I can’t even get her to smile much anymore so my attempts are getting to her and I know it….I think I really did blow it and I should forget I even felt this way…..It’s a lost cause….I lost, they triumphed in the end like I always thought….I mean yeah I should go for what made me happy and that was her, but now that i think about it…how could I either hoped it would change, or see it as a good thing to do…..? It’s just bad in all aspects….NOTHING is as it was before…it’s the worst I’ve ever seen it…

You didn’t lose anything. Just because she is not talking to you the same as she once did doesn’t mean that you made a mistake making a move on her like you did. You acted boldly and confidently. You said yourself that you and her had the “hots” for each other for a while. Your intuition was telling you to make a move on this girl before it’s too late, and that’s exactly what you did. Only a precious few in your position would have had the courage of their convictions to make the bold move that you made. How were you meant to know that this would’ve changed the friendship?

In the end, it’s always better to regret having done something rather than having done nothing at all.

I just dont know what to do anymore….I know that I would have regretted it worse if I said nothing….and when I gave her the rose and the note she had the “hands to mouth but ‘oh my’ nervous laugh”. We certainly aren’t the same now that we’ve come around….I feel like I ruined everything. I don’t know how to fix this…and I’m not sure I can….but she’s been all I’ve thought about ever since….I’m afraid to do anything more than mildly converse at most……I feel like one of my favorite songs right now haha: “Suddenly I know what it’s about. Thoughts come in and words come out. Suddenly I’m not killing time, but it’s all over now.” I mean I know I should just give her time away, but you have no clue how crummy this feels….she was the first I ever confessed the big L word to…..

At times like those, I normally focus on keeping my other friendships going well. It’s too easy to become obsessively focused on one person, so I do other productive things to keep my mind off of that person. Hang out with other friends, work on things, pursue my hobbies, whatever.
The more your life is filled, the less any one thing in your life can affect you.

DarkSnow is right. You also have to understand she had a boyfriend at the time of your confession - albeit probably not the best one for her - and I’m betting that is the reason she became distant. She apparently either genuinely loves her boyfriend and wants to be with him, despite his jealousy and controlling behavior, or she doesn’t love him as much as she lets on, but is too afraid to dump him due to reasons unknown.

This girl might have been the first person you genuinely felt love for and confessed it to, but I can assure you that it won’t be the last. The last thing you want to do is adopt a mentality that this girl is the only person whom you will ever love. Many other girls will come your way and you will get that same indescribable feeling for them just as you did for this girl.

True…There was a time when all that I feel and know now would have been relevant. I can see that time has come to pass. It’s time I woke up and faced what is. And I know she will not be the last…I thought that at first with my first girlfriend(didn’t last long due to family health issues.) I wasn’t about to quit on her, and I wanted to try again. I got stuck on her for a year, and I lost all of that time because I was far too stubborn to see the truth of what was. I thought that with enough effort and heart I could do it. Sometimes that isn’t enough and I need to learn to let sleeping dogs lie. I won’t make the same mistake with this girl…

There are many possibilities in life, so that it’s hard to tell which ones end well. However, being able to understand and admit your feelings is a useful ability. When you stop caring and stop searching for opportunities, you can lose a lot. It’s tricky to know when to give up on something. Sometimes if you keep at something for years your hard work pays off. Other times, such efforts are pointless.
But, as I mentioned, when I don’t know what to do in one part of my life, I focus on pursuing success in the others ^^ Because the more you have kept yourself well-grounded in other things, the easier the areas you have difficulty with will be for you. That’s probably the main benefit I get from my relationship with God, come to think of it. It’s more stable than the rest of my life and the strength from it carries over into other areas. Likewise you can make sure your career, or your other friendships, or whatever else is going well. Love is a difficult invasion, and needs a fully armed fighting force =P

This will pass. you will find the right woman. It’s o.k to mourn but, don’t take too long because life is too fast and your time is too important

I’ve learned to just walk away entirely from any sort of romance. If it will happen, then it will. If not, I refuse to set myself up for disaster anymore with women who will always walk away regardless of my best efforts for whatever reason. That’s been the story of my life and I’m tired of it. Usually stuff comes up, but it means then that what we “had” wasn’t all too grand, right? So, the way I see it….I’ll live for myself and only for myself until that “special meeting” arrives(if it even is in my life calendar). Don’t get me wrong. I am still a gentleman, and have a good upbeat attitude, but I am what you might say a “nice guy” turned “jerk.” I’m just taking charge of MY life and speaking my mind a lot more when it comes down to the wire. When I said jerk I didn’t mean cheater, or liar, or one-nighters. Thing is, I just don’t care about finding romance anymore…it doesn’t exist for me. I don’t care, and I don’t want to. That’s that. I’m done trying.

In many ways, it’s not supposed to be so hard. It’s supposed to develop naturally from friendships, I imagine. However, things can be annoying at times, so I feel the same way a lot ^^