This post left anonymously
I’m so freakin’ angry…
..I know you’re going to say “Stop being so jealous”, but I need to just rant a little…My biggest dream in life was following my forefathers in my family tree and serve in the US Army since I was a small child. I was unable to because the limited jobs. They gave me Carpentry or Supply(Recruiters office stocking pens and uniforms), I turned them down…I had to. I had a future elsewhere in law enforcement.
As much as it hurt…I had to leave…..I didn’t want to waste my time in a job I could do here without signing my life away. That AND I waste a year of my time just enlisting(They weren’t too bright in this city…) when I could have been in college. It hit me late, but when the reality fall on me, I was devastated…It crushed me to the core…since then I’ve harbored a bit of jealous over the subject, especially since my current ex left me because she was shipping out.
Well, since then I’ve been single, no steady relationship thanks to immature women out here…..I land all the wrong ones….well, an old friend who I haven’t seen in years, I found out he, like many of my friends, is a marine in Afghanistan, and is married…..he’s like 2 years younger than me…You have any clue how irritated I am…? That’s all I ever wanted was to find a nice girl to marry….serve my country without someone screwing up my paperwork before I even get in……giving me crap career choices after dicking around with me when everyone else took 2 weeks to get in….I’m SO mad it isn’t even funny……Normally I don’t care, or let it show, but **** it what about me!? When are things going to float my direction for once in my life….? Everything I have ever went for blew up in my face and the closest people I know reap the things I always dreamed of that I never can achieve in the end……and then I wonder: “Why do I even dream if this is my story…? Why set myself up anymore…?” Not to mention I had to retake 1/3 of my college courses because of a program change where the credits don’t equate and they never told me when i signed up…I tried to get in right away the day after I turned down the military and be responsible, well had I waited(again, I didn’t know) I woulda been on easy stret. But no, I can’t even take my classes liek everyone else……I gotta fight to make it on time for something I had no control over when everyone else gets to take their sweet time……WHY!? I don’t understand why my life has to be so complicated….I pay my way through college in part-time wages….every cent….can’t land a decent relationship….my classes are all screwed up…..I kissed about 3-4 major life dreams down the toilet in a 2 year period, lost my girl TO one of the dreams….everyone else I know is doing the exact thing I CAN”T do, what’s the point? I feel it’s all going to end the same anyways like it always does…I TRY to be optimistic, but now….I’m not sure anymore…how can I be at this point….?
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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