Family help: I have been a part of a church and I support its vision as a body.

gheurc

I have been a part of a church and I support its vision as a body.

However, when I married another Christian from another church, he and his family expects me and our children to join them. I initially agreed to the idea, but when time passed by, I did not feel comfortable in their church because of the very different vision and culture that they have. They are very pastor-centered instead of Christ centered. I started going back to my own original church, and I am happy with it. However, I am sad that my husband is not with me. I am not growing in their church, but my husband and children are going there.

what should I do…

help please!!

This open post was written 12 months ago | V/U/S: 439, 10, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post gheurc may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. gheurc is a verified member, has been around for 12 months and has 1 posts and 6 replies to their name.

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Going Back, christian, growing, support, Culture, husband, Pastor, Vision, Family, Church (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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Sparrowhawk 4 #
An Undisclosed Location | 12 months ago (29 minutes after post)

Such differences can unfortunately strain relationships. Being separate from your husband and children - particularly in this area - would be very difficult.

Before you married, did you and your husband speak about how your children would be raised and which church they would attend?

I think it would be worthwhile to speak with your husband about your feelings if you haven’t already. And if you have, he needs to know that you are still unhappy.

Help me with: Just something to think about.

gheurc 0 #
An Unknown Location | 12 months ago (39 minutes after post)

I have talked to him about it and let him know that I am not growing in their church. I have cried my heart out. Many times. I told him that we should seek the Lord and let him tell us which to go - where both of us will both grow. He loves going to our church and we have made friends there also, but his family runs the other church since he was a child. His uncle is the pastor himself. He also plays guitar in their ministry.

I feel that i am getting in the way of his service, but I also don’t grow in that church.

Sparrowhawk 4 #
An Undisclosed Location | 12 months ago (47 minutes after post)

What did he say when you spoke with him about your concerns?

Is the family connection the only thing stopping your husband from attending your church?

I think you are very right in wanting to seek the Lord. Organised religion can be useful, but essentially it all comes down to God and Christ. He should be the focal point.

I don’t see a problem with attending a service that is not your own if you do so with charity. But if it is making you unhappy and if your presence there does not provide others or yourself with benefits, then you need to assess the situation.

To be honest, I think you will have a difficult time of helping your children to grow in faith if you are not happy spiritually. Interfaith and inter-denominational marriages and relationships do work, but I believe they require a greater level of tolerance, respect and compassion for each person involved.

Help me with: Just something to think about.

gheurc 0 #
An Unknown Location | 12 months ago (55 minutes after post)

He would symphatize with me and in fact, he knows how my church has helped me grow spiritually and helped other people get to know the Lord. But everytime I would ask him for us to migrate, he would say that I am taking him away from his family.

I really feel that he should prioritize me now that I am his wife.

I see him and I know that he can grow more when he comes with me. But he would take me back to the day when i said yes (join his church).

I am stuck and feeling so deprived. I can’t even feel free to take my children to our kids church because his family expects them every sunday in their own church.

Sparrowhawk 4 #
An Undisclosed Location | 12 months ago (1 hour, 9 minutes after post)

I do agree with you. As a married couple, you have moved from your families. His family need to respect that and give you some privacy and freedom. They cannot dictate or control your spiritual life.

As an outsider, I may be wrong, but it sounds as though he is very much controlled by his family. He should be independent - especially seeing as he is now a husband and father. I can understand that traditional faith ties and family are both very important, but he needs to consider your feelings and concerns.

I think you really need to make your concerns clear to him. It is an important situation that deserves to be resolved soon and with clarity and wisdom. I believe it’s very important that you and your husband work together. You need to search for a way of arriving at a decision that will result in happiness for each other and for your children.

I am leaving now as I need to sleep. I hope the situation can be resolved in the most peaceful and loving way possible, and will reply to any further comments in due course. Know that God is watching over you and guiding you. Trust in Him to fill your relationship with life and love. He will lead you to goodness and truth.

(1)

Help me with: Just something to think about.

The Sherlockian 38 #
An Unknown Location | 12 months ago (1 hour, 53 minutes after post)

What I am going to tell you probably isn’t going to sit well with you, but here goes anyway: you are denying your husband the role of exercising spiritual leadership for your family. This will come back to haunt you in a very big way. You know that you cannot be a house divided. Whatever you decide, you cannot relegate your husband to a subordinate role. Sorry if this offends any feminists, but the husband should be respected as the spiritual leader of the family. Madam, if you don’t know this, then all of your previous time in church has been wasted.

Help me with: Rape and justice in the wonderful world of Sharia law in Dubai .

Sparrowhawk 4 #
An Undisclosed Location | 12 months ago (17 hours, 46 minutes after post)

chev.jame wrote:
What I am going to tell you probably isn’t going to sit well with you, but here goes anyway: you are denying your husband the role of exercising spiritual leadership for your family. This will come back to haunt you in a very big way. You know that you cannot be a house divided. Whatever you decide, you cannot relegate your husband to a subordinate role. Sorry if this offends any feminists, but the husband should be respected as the spiritual leader of the family. Madam, if you don’t know this, then all of your previous time in church has been wasted.

Chev, I find your point interesting. I’ve heard of and agree with the point that husbands should lead the household, but am not aware of the argument of men taking spiritual leadership. Why do you feel that this is necessary?

Help me with: Just something to think about.

gheurc 0 #
An Unknown Location | 12 months ago (20 hours, 20 minutes after post)

I do want to submit to my husband’s lead and I am aware of the implications if i do not.However, my case makes it very difficult to follow his lead because I am seeing very significant factors in his church that if we continue to practice, we may lose the idea of God’s grace and just go into religious loops.

I always base my faith on how I know God through HIS word. I love HIM so much. But his church has set of “rules and regulations” and if you are not in line with that, they see you as a rebel. and if you follow them, you are “more loved” by God. that is how they teach it there..

They do not value discipleship, mentoring, accountability, confidentiality, and how much people give, they announce in church. I am quite uncomfortable with that. They even mention those who do not give money to the pastor. The pastor holds all the cash and they do not have logs or registry that will make an organized system.

For me these things are also very important.

Apart from that. When I married him, his friends who do not like me (i was a single mother before i met him) abandoned him.. they did not talk to me for almost a year because they wanted me to feel unwelcomed in their holy place. I am a sinner.. I know that.. but my own church people have helped me to be restored.. unlike in their church.. i felt condemned even if i tried hard not to…

gheurc 0 #
An Unknown Location | 12 months ago (20 hours, 27 minutes after post)

Church vision is very important. I can attend their church for the sake of submission.. but whenever they preach there, my spirit is not at peace. I can’t feel the Holy spirit move. I am simply not growing.

Sparrowhawk 4 #
An Undisclosed Location | 11 months, 4 weeks ago (2 days after post)

I can understand why you would be so uncomfortable. I do believe I’d be the same if such an environment existed within my church.

I do think it is important for you to work with your husband in faith, even if he is the spiritual leader. That is why I feel you should try to arrive at a solution that brings you both happiness. You are bringing up your children together. You both need to be role models and pillars of faith - and thus you both need to be happy and fulfilled spiritually.

God is always with you, even in desolate times and places. Trust in Him. Pray for strength and wisdom. He will not forsake you or the situation.

Help me with: Just something to think about.

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Family help: I have been a part of a church and I support its vision as a body. - Help.com

I have been a part of a church and I support its vision as a body.

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