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Please read this and tell me what you think , it’s kind of an abusive love story .
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Advocate 4: Welcome to loveisrespect, before we get started can I ask if you are safe to talk and what is your age, gender and ethnicity?
longdistancehurts: Yes , it’s safe . I am 15 year old , hispanic female .
Advocate 4: Thank you. Could you tell me a little about what’s been going on?
longdistancehurts: About a year and a half ago I met a guy . He lives in California and I live in Pennsylvania . We started dated January 19th , 2011 .
longdistancehurts: In September 2011 , he flew in to see me with his mother for my birthday .
longdistancehurts: They stayed at my parents’ house with me .
longdistancehurts: Everything was amazing and it was the happiest day of my life . We were normal teenagers . We went to the mall , and came home and watched a movie.
longdistancehurts: He was only here for 23 hours and then he had to go back home . It hurt a lot to watch him leave .
longdistancehurts: But after he left I found myself craving physical attention .
longdistancehurts: I ended up kissing another guy from my school . I told him right away and we broke up .
longdistancehurts: About a month later , he forgave me and we were back together .
longdistancehurts: I didn’t have much of his trust and at first we were fighting all the time . But slowly things got better .
longdistancehurts: Around Valentine’s day I met another guy at my school . A musician , which was common because I got to an art school . I’m a fine arts major .
longdistancehurts: My feelings started to grow for him . So soon I broke up with “California” and started dating “Musician” .
longdistancehurts: California was still my best friend in the whole word so we still talked 24/7 but it was mostly fights . I realized that I’d rather be talking to him and sad and angry , then not talking to him at all .
longdistancehurts: When California met me , I was like a blank slab of clay . And he molded me to be something strong and beautiful . And I was with him for so long that the clay hardened , and now no other man or woman could mold me .
Advocate 4: So do you feel like things aren’t going well with Musician because of California?
longdistancehurts: After about 2 months of being with Musician , I suddenly realized that I had absoluetly no feelings left for him .
longdistancehurts: Then I broke up with him .
longdistancehurts: I was still of course best friends with California . Our main connection was music . That was both of our lives .
longdistancehurts: And I we still aren’t together as in boyfriend and girlfriend .
longdistancehurts: We just act the same but don’t have the title .
longdistancehurts: And he has major trust isues .
longdistancehurts: I forgot to mention that after me and Cali broke up , he saw a video on facebook of me and Musician hugging and he started to go crazy .
longdistancehurts: So when I wanted to be with him again , he had a lot of trust issues .
longdistancehurts: Now everything is almost okay , but here comes the point that worries me .
longdistancehurts: He never trusts me , EVER .
longdistancehurts: He always thinks I’m cheating , or lying .
longdistancehurts: He texts me 24/7 to always know what I’m doing and who I’m doing it with .
longdistancehurts: He gets angry when 100% of my attention isn’t forcused on him .
longdistancehurts: He hates when I do things without asking him , like when I just dyed my hair blue .
longdistancehurts: And I can’t act like the kind of people he hates .
longdistancehurts: he puts me down all the time , and just in a joking way but it still hurts , I will say that I do it to him too . he’ll say I’m fat , i’ll say he’s a dork .
longdistancehurts: he is so jealous and it drives me crazy because my best friend is a guy and he always thinks i’m cheating with him .
longdistancehurts: I must say that he is not very attractive , a lot of people actually make gagging noises when they see a picture of him . but i find him to be extremely attrcative , he’s my dream guy .
longdistancehurts: and even thought i dont find my self to be attractive , i will say that others do .
Advocate 4: It sounds like a pretty stressful situation. You mentioned that you guys broke up before and that you cheated on him once, its hard for a person to get past that. You may have to wait for him to be okay again, rebuilding trust doesn’t happen overnight.
longdistancehurts: they look at us like **** what is she doing with him . and that’s what’s making him jealous .
Advocate 4: You’ll just have to regain his trust again. And he has to learn to tell you what not to do, like its not fair to tell you to not dye your hair or hang out with your friends.
longdistancehurts: the other day we had a speaker at our school from a woman’s place
longdistancehurts: they went through dating abuse and signs and stuff
longdistancehurts: i was alarmed at how many signs there were
longdistancehurts: and i’ve confronted him about it
longdistancehurts: i told him it wasn’t a good thing for a couple to always know where the other is , what theyre doing and who theyre doing it with .
longdistancehurts: he only said sorry
longdistancehurts: what do i do to make him realize that I’m just as much a person as he is and I have my own life ? how do I get through to him ?
Advocate 4: It sounds like you’ve been talking to him. There is a lack of trust in the relationship, and right now, you’ve gotta work on rebuilding that.
Advocate 4: Was he like this before you cheated on him?
longdistancehurts: how ? i honestly haven’t been cheating or even looking at other guys . but if i miss a call . he texts me with rage , asking why I wasnt answer and asking if i was cheating .
longdistancehurts: no he wasn’t .
Advocate 4: So it sounds like this is what happened. You just have to give him some time and show him that he can trust you again. There’s no quick fix to make someone trust you, especially after the trust is broken. It’s going to take some time.
longdistancehurts: you think everything will be fine ? i know he has shown signs of abuse but i know they aren’t that serious and he would never hurt me . ever . i know it would never come to that . but when we met i was suicidal . i had recently lost a family member and been rapped . i was cutting myself and he helped me stop - for good . but when i broke up with him , he cut himself . just a small scar on his chest .
Advocate 4: If you feel like you are going back to that place that you were in when you guys met, it might be best to break things of from him, for your safety. And if it doesn’t seem like he’ll ever trust you again, you have to think about your happiness. I know you love him and care about him, but you have to do what makes you happy.
Advocate 4: And you can’t blame yourself for anything he does to himself.
longdistancehurts: he does make me happy , we’re in a great place right now . he’s just extremely possecive and jealous .
Advocate 4: And that could be due to the cheating. But you don’t seem too happy in this situation.
longdistancehurts: i am happy whenever we talk , i’m just unhappy that i feel like i’m dating someone more protective than my father . he hates the way i dress and the people i’m with .
Advocate 4: And that’s not fair to you.
longdistancehurts: but is it enough to end things ?
Advocate 4: Its completely up to you. If you feel like things aren’t getting any better, you might have to consider it.
longdistancehurts: thank you , I feel like just opening up to a third party makes me feel better .
Advocate 4: I understand. Sometimes it helps you clear your head to just talk to someone else.
longdistancehurts: thank you , good night .
Advocate 4: You’re welcome. And feel free to contact us again.
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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