friends help: I’m slowly starting to get more and more agitated with myself and my feelings. - Help.com

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I don’t know what to tell you, other than it’s easy to start living inside your head and creating a whole bunch of negativity that is often non-existent in the outside world. Just because its bad now doesn’t mean it will always be bad.

BTW, please stop contemplating suicide. It’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

http://www.ted.com/talks/tony_robbins…

“Life is what you make it. Always has been, always will be.”
(Eleanor Roosevelt, 1901 – 1962)

“Perspectives on life!”:
http://www.paulabrandantlcsw.com/?p=185

“4 Effective Practices for Gaining Perspective”:
http://www.thechangeblog.com/4-effect…

“Keeping Perspective When Life Smacks You Up”:
http://www.earthlingcommunication.com…

“Meaning of life”:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meaning_…

May I recommend you the most powerful tool there is to quiet your mind ? Meditation !
It wont be easy in the beginning and you will find million reasons why not to do it. But if you manage to be vigilant and you start slowly, maybe ten minutes each day…suddenly everything will begin to change.

There will come a day where you realize that you are not living in your head. That you are not just bundle of thoughts or the image you have created of yourself. You will begin to live more in the present moment and there will be great space and you will start to feel the joy that is always there if your mind is quiet.

This cannot be taught but experienced. “The goal is a dream. And when you wake up into the ultimate truth, the goal disappears and you become the goal”

Sounds like you have been doing a lot of fixing in the past, marj, cutting, (I guess) alcohol as well.

These are symptoms of an underlying illness. The illness is centered in the mind so it is hard to realize when you are ill from it.

From what you describe you live with hope, the hope vanishes for no apparant reason and you are left with despair. In this despair you look to reason to lead you out, but your mind is not set for good reasoning because it is in despair.

The answer I have found to despair is faith, not some wishy washy ‘lets hope for the best, things will get better’ faith but a more substantial faith that requires me to look at myself (with out becoming introvert and self obsessed) and the patterns of behaviour that cause me distress and the part I play in my own misery (be it physical actions or mental perceptions) and looking for practiacal solutions (action I can take) for the dilemas that i can do something about and spiritual solutions (things I need to let go of) for the things I can do nothing about. Also the re-newing of my mind (replacing my old thought process with a new God focused mind)

You can find guidance for this at NA or AA meetings (it is the greatest release mechanizim I have found) the above were life skills I needed to be taught as they would never have occured to me on my own. Church can be a good place to find hope as well (if you feel you are not qualified for aa or na) however is not so straight forward for a newcomer to spiritual issues as AA and NA (in my experience) but the ‘right church’ should give your soul norishment and you should leave each week with hope in your heart.

Intelegence is different to wisdom.

I have despised myself much over my lifetime, I have had two suicide attempts not because of me despising myself but because I bought into a lie that my mind told me and had no deffence against it. Hope is a great thing.

Archaic Raven wrote:
Meditation could be nice but I don’t see how it will improve myself in the outside world.

A lot!
Meditation calmes you down, releases tension, reduces stress, and leads you to your inner self — to the authentic ego/self of you. It grants you control over your mind, frees it from negative thinking, worries and unhappiness — an what you called “agitated with myself and my feelings”.
Yes, meditation would be really very helpful for you!
 
Just have a try!
All Zen Buddhistic Dojos would welcome you cordially!
In your area:
· http://www.ysdharma.org/newcomers-and…
· http://www.cloudwater.org/
· http://www.kentzendo.org/Home/tabid/5…