I’m slowly starting to get more and more agitated with myself and my feelings.
It’s like something I can’t truly describe. One minute I’ll feel perfectly fine, the next minute I’ll feel absolute nothingness which is the worst of them all..being numb. Then I can feel suicidal almost instantly, and I really really dislike myself, that’s pretty much indescribable too. I hate myself, my looks, my physical demeanor, and I’m starting to dislike myself mentally. Usually I could relax myself by viewing myself as intelligent but now I’m more and more disgusted by the ways I think. I have no dreams or aspirations in life, life all in all is pointless. I kind of wonder if my purpose of being here is to kill myself, to let it be a reminder to friends, maybe to bring them closer together, maybe so they won’t do it, maybe so they could tell their kids about me and my fault. However on a side note I’m looking for releases I can have, I’ve stopped cutting and I would like to keep that at bay, I promised my parents that I wouldn’t smoke marijuana again until I’m out of the house, and there is no alcohol. Could water fasting be something that I do? It would give me goals, objectives to reach, help me lose weight and it isn’t all that unhealthy.
Since writing this post Jerod B may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. Jerod B is a verified member, has been around for 1 year and has 42 posts and 159 replies to their name.
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