It’s quite a long story but I’m going to try and shorten it up.
So it’s only been a month but me and him broke up. I’d already come out of a relationship a year ago that messed me up. I was very sad about the situation and I had a friend who we’ll call Bob for now. So Bob was there for me, I told him everything about the situation with my ex and he comforted me in the best way he could. I told him at first I didn’t want the relationship because I wasn’t ready and I didn’t want to get hurt again.
I told him all this and he said he wouldn’t do that to me, he really wanted the relationship. He never stopped going for it. So I gave in because he was a good guy and I really didn’t want my ex to get in the way of something that could potentially be something good.
I don’t want to take all the blame for everything that happened but I was miserable. Not because of him but because I just like to moan at every last thing. I don’t know why I do it but I allow things to get to me when they shouldn’t. This of course ruined a lot of the times we spent together because we rarely went out without me having an issue about something he was doing. I always had my guard up to protect myself from being hurt. He complained I wasn’t affectionate and I knew that was true but again I was scared to be affectionate towards him just in case. Now I’m his first girlfriend.
Anyway a recent example of me being a miserable b***h was this past weekend. We were together and he wanted us to do something on Sunday because it was going to be a nice day. I said no, for no good reason. I just said no. Well I noticed something was up with him so I text him and said to give him his space and that I know he’s not happy etc.
He had me waiting for a very long time before we finally spoke about it. I went to his house and we discussed things but I didn’t say anything I just mainly agreed with everything. I wasn’t prepared so I went back there yesterday and said my piece.
I basically said that I do want the relationship and that we’re breaking up over petty things but if he’s not ready then there’s nothing I can do about it.
He was beating around the bush trying not to answer straight away but I deserve to know so I just pushed him to answer. He said that there’s a part of him that wants it because I’m a good girl and that’s hard to find but there’s a part of him that doesn’t want it. It’s only been a month, this is something that can be worked through but I don’t want to push him.
When he said that I got up and left and just walked out.
I’m angry with myself and him. I never wanted it in the first place but I gave in. I’m angry at him because he knew everything I went through and he promised not to do the same thing to me that my ex did. I’ve woken up today thinking that I want to fight for this but is there any point. I hate giving up on things I care about. He didn’t want to give me a definitive answer at the time and he wanted more time to think. He was a good boyfriend, he looked after me, he wanted to be affectionate and everything but I pushed him away a lot of the time. I told him I could be difficult and he said that was fine because so could he. I grew to like him and we have known each other for 2 years. I’m going to miss our conversations and everything we had as friends. I don’t know what to do. I know some people will say leave him but I just don’t believe that decisions like this can be made so soon. I made mistakes in the relationship by not appreciating him and it took this to open my eyes. I just wish I had another chance to work things out
Since writing this post Pac's Queen may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. Pac's Queen is a verified member, has been around for 4 years, 5 months and has 77 posts and 400 replies to their name.
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