Feel help: I think I discovered something about myself today. - Help.com

mindhealer wrote:

anyways does all this seem reasonable,or logical at least for how my thoughts have been operating?

That sounds like something I remember feeling one of the first times I was deeply depressed for a long time. I even tried to come up with different “positive” emotions to shoot for (like ‘joy’ or ‘ecstacy’) since “happiness” was so worthless. In retrospect it was all just a side effect of depression, for me.
And I became invulnerable to people, in deep depression. I stopped caring, completely, and almost never even replied to people who tried to interact with me. You could shatter most of my most important things and I wouldn’t blink. Obviously that’s not a very good thing, and I’m glad to have escaped from situations like that, but one unfortunate lasting effect is that I still don’t really blink if everything is destroyed, and I have to remember to motivate myself to try to be happy or in good moods or to respond to people. So, most of my waking moments are spent in trying to be happy and to know how to talk to people.

Yes, this does sound..somewhat similar as to how I feel, although I seem to get along with most people fine..or they get along with me fine. It’s weird, I’ve been starting to use nothing more than motions and facial expressions to express my mood, I’ve been able to hold a 10 minute conversation without muttering a single word.

Dragon_Lady wrote:
Sounds like a clinical depression to me, maybe bi-polar disorder. Have you seen a doctor?

No I have not.. I can’t let my parents know about this, so, well it won’t be happening.

Dragon_Lady wrote:
Why can’t you let them know? If you broke your leg would you try to hide that? Believe it or not, parents are there to love and take care of you, and they can’t do a good job of it if you won’t be honest with them.

No, seriously I can’t let them know. I’ve been punished for being depressed before, my parents are pretty freaking weird. I remember, about 7 months ago, they suspected that I was suicidal, even though I wasn’t at the time, and they took away my computer, game systems, and my t.v. Leaving me in my room alone with nothing but my music. The computer, being my only outside contact with the world to my friends, would be devastating to lose again. I can text..but I really don’t like cell phones.

I’d really rather not talk to adults on this issue, I fee kind of.. disconnected to them. And I’m out of school anyways.