I think I discovered something about myself today.
As weird or “angsty” as it may sound, I think it’s true. I don’t think I want to be happy anymore. It never occurred to me until recently how my mood swings have been, sad/numb/depressed to bouncy/happy. It changes in an instant. I can best describe it as..almost a feeling of guilt. I’ve never done anything wrong, but I feel guilty for being happy sometimes, and that’s not really it though, it’s this unshakable feeling of weakness I get when I’m in a good mood. I feel vulnerable, to everything and anyone, weak. I think that’s what starts the guilt, for me letting myself be put into that position. Once I feel numb, I feel numb that’s it, I couldn’t care less what somebody says, does or what is happening around me. Hardly anything can harm me mentally speaking when I’m like that. Maybe I’m just becoming more and more misanthropic..then again I probably wouldn’t be using this website if I was a misanthrope..anyways does all this seem reasonable,or logical at least for how my thoughts have been operating?
Since writing this post Jerod B may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. Jerod B is a verified member, has been around for 1 year and has 42 posts and 159 replies to their name.
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