relationship help: Hey everyone, I really need a guy’s opinion in this….but of course everyone’s is welcome… - Help.com

Chill.

There could be several reasons he hasn’t responded yet. He might not know exactly what to say. He might have simply forgotten. He might be in an alternate dimension saving the world from petulant wombats.

It’s difficult to say exactly what he’s thinking, what with not knowing him or you. Is he in a relationship at the moment?

Would you mind posting the message you sent him? I’d be happy to read it and tell you how it sounds to me. Whether or not my sense of it jibes with his is another story, but I will give you my honest appraisal.

First of all…thank you so much for responding i appreciate it sooo much

and i dont mind at all, here it is:

Hey (Name). . .on a separate note. . .

I feel really bad. You have always been a great friend and I wish I wouldn’t have lost contact with you. I have had distractions in my life that have kept me from doing that and I’m sorry for letting it. My distractions are gone, lol, and it made me realize how much I appreciate you always being there for my family and me. I really can’t describe to you how much I appreciate it. I hope you can forgive me. . .

Well, I’m going to be working at the library soon. . .so if you ever need a book. . . lol No but seriously, if you have time this summer we should hang out. Know I’m always here for you and so is my family. And again, I’m really really sorry.

Now that i re-read it i feel worse about it =/

Quick response:

The note reads fine. I will post a more in depth analysis momentarily.

Ok.

There is absolutely nothing in this note that you should regret. It strikes a good balance between apologetic and hopeful. It doesn’t dwell on the past, but it does lay open future possibilities. It is humble without being self-flagellating. It isn’t pushy but does open the door for continued correspondence.

So the big question is: Why hasn’t he responded? My best guess: He doesn’t know how to. It is possible that this person may be somewhat embarrassed by praise. It’s not unheard of. Perhaps he considers himself unworthy of the thanks you give him, not through any sense of low esteem, but simply because he might not think he did anything worthy of it. He might be uncomfortable because he thinks you’ve put him on a pedestal and that might make him uncomfortable. Obviously this is pure unadulterated speculation, but there you go.

If this is indeed the case, then I would keep sending him messages but take care to keep them light. Don’t come on too strongly. Let him know, (without being overt about it) that you simply wish to re-engage in a friendship with him. Don’t mention what you’ve already told him; he knows you appreciate what he’s done for you. Take it slow and easy.

And stop stressing! You haven’t done anything egregiously wrong.

Thank you!!! You have no idea how much you have helped me…and calmed me!! But, my question is…by keep sending him messages what do you mean? Do I wait for a reply and then send him these messages or send him messages before there is any response…if there is one?

Darlin’ you are just overthinking this. ;)

Message him like you would any other friend. Comment on his status/links/updates whatever.

I know when you care as strongly as you do about something it’s easy to second guess yourself but try not to. If he is as good a friend as you say, then he isn’t going to over analyze everything you post to him. Have faith in your friendship.

You’re right :) but you know you’re right so i probably don’t have to tell you that :) okay here is one other thing, now tell me if I’m overthinking this again. . .but another problem is that when we were messaging back and forth about his graduation, he had asked if my family and i are coming up for the ceremony…i didn’t know we were invited to begin with but we really wanted to go so i said yes and asked for the time and where on campus it is… well i sent that message and then right after i sent the message i showed you above…what if he doesn’t respond to the first message? does that mean im no longer invited?

im sorry if i am overthinking it again, you know how it is :) but i just dont know if it would be a bad thing if he doesn’t respond and we still go…

why me! i know im stressing i just feel so confused! I’m so sorry if this is getting annoying, but i appreciate your help!!

Sorry for taking so long to reply. Help.com seemed to be down for a bit.

Anyway.

What would you do if this were with someone you didn’t have feelings for? I’m guessing you would just ask again, assuming that he simply missed it or forgot, right? Then do that.

Give him the benefit of the doubt and have faith in your lifetime friendship. Don’t you think he deserves to be thought of as a good, honest person? If he is the man you believe him to be then let your belief in his behavior reflect that.

Until proven otherwise treat him as a friend.

Dont worry about the late response, but you are so right and so wise!! Thank you soo much for helping me…i need to chillax for a bit haha. But i will re-ask. He just means a lot to me im afraid to scare him off but i do need to have more confidence about our friendship and this will just show me more what kind of a man he his.

Thank you so much!!!!

My pleasure. Keep me posted on what happens, I’m very interested in hearing how things go.

I most definitely will!! =)

He replied he replied he replied!! And I didn’t even have to send him anything!! My heart feels relieved!!

Heh. Told ya so! Happy to hear, anon. Good luck to you!

Thank you so much Blue Simian! You were right about everything! Thank you thank you thank you!!