I am here to give and receive help.
I am a 25 year old English male, I am married to a 32 year old Canadian female and we have 2 children.
I have been married for almost 5 years, and I have known my wife for 7 years.
I have been faithful to my wife,However I have not been physically attracted to my wife for several years now. We do not communicate very well with one another and have difficulty bringing out the best in each other.
I am finding myself ever increasingly attracted to outgoing / vibrant females.
I cannot change my wife although i wish i could and even have tried too.
I feel i have failed as a husband and as a father, I spend a lot of time online playing games and i do not have a job. I have been waiting for permanent residency for over a year within Canada.
I have very few friends and no close family ( besides my wife, her mother and our 2 children ).
I have had a very troubled path and yet somehow i feel i have been very lucky and blessed.
I feel i am i am holding myself back with fear, fear of judgement, fear of guilt, fear of hurting people i care about, and fear of not being with my children.
At the same time that i have all these fears, I have hope, Hope that things will get better, that me and my wife will be able to be better for each other. but with each day that passes and another day of insight gained i become more and more tuned to expecting conflict and resentment between us.
I want more for myself and for her and for my children. But i am scared of what that may entail. Scared that i might relapse or that she will or we both will. Scared that i am falling and that with change will hit the ground hard and may not survive.
I have been inactive for so long, Talking and thinking and preaching about action that is not being taken. How will i make these tough decisions i am faced with, and have been starring at for so long now.
I am dazed and confused, tired and abused and i wish to help myself.
I am looking to be helped, So that i can figure out where i am going and why i am going there, and then maybe start to enjoy the journey.
Much love to you all,
Have the best day ever.
Since writing this post explore2discove may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. explore2discove is a verified member, has been around for 11 months, 3 weeks and has 1 posts and 0 replies to their name.
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