Love help: I’m 18 and my boyfriend is 25.. - Help.com

No problem in my books..Girls mature earlier ..Are your maturity levels similar,? Theres only 6 year difference plus, no biggie..

You’re an adult now and capable of making decisions as to who you want to date, despite however much your parents might disapprove. Personally, I don’t see any problem with it. A 5-6 year age difference isn’t that big a deal. Welcome to the wonderful world of being a teenager: when your wishes conflict with your parents’ wishes.

aeolian mode wrote:
No problem in my books..Girls mature earlier ..Are your maturity levels similar,? Theres only 6 year difference plus, no biggie..

Those are an important 6 years.

Your parents are worried that by dating this guy you run the risk of missing out on experiencing some of the most productive and life shaping years of your life. What you do in the next 6 years are going to shape you as a person and impact how your entire life turns out. Your parents are worried that this guy no matter how great he might be will hold you back from achieving your full potential and truthfully their fears are warranted. It’s not necessarily true that he will hold you back, but the possibility is there and at a material level. The choice is ultimately yours - you are an adult now; but your parents advise is coming from years more experience that you do not have and the desire to want you to succeed in life; you shouldn’t lightly dismiss their concerns.

If I were in your shoes I would reconsider dating this guy at this time; one of the things that held me personally back in life was to get too involved with my wife at your age. If the two of us had more time to peruse interests outside of our relationship before we got serious I have no doubt we would be better off now.

If you do ultimately decide to remain serious with this guy; I’d advise you to keep as independent as you possibly can; make life choice on what is best for you and not what is best for your relationship. If your relationship is meant to be it will endure any choice you make for the betterment of yourself even if it places strain on the relationship.

I wish I had your advice 10 years ago Da
I didnt take my time then, it all blew up and now I’m starting over with some new lessons…

Deep love is very satisfying, but it does not need, what would a few years of friendship serve? time to establish your independence, you are clearly not right now otherwise your parents wouldnt be a problem for you, and thats probably why they are concerned, their experience and knowledge of you tells them your not yet dependent to make dependent choices

Why start things on a bad note? Your parents being against your relationship will probably spark many fights between you and your boyfriend. I think it would be endearing to spend time working on proving to your parents your mature and independent enough for this relationship, people have flown accross the world and hiked mt everest in the name of their love, if he’s worth as much as you think this little bit of work to prove your ready will just be a walk in the park, plus you will be amazed at the things you will learn about yourself and your relationships if you have to work for it.

A couple of years friendship will also help you to establish a solid ground to build your working relationship, develop communication and problem solving skills before committing, relationships are so much more than a feeling, they take serious preparation if you realy want it to work and still be working happily with your partner 20 yrs later.
Taking your time like this and being satisfied in working towards a relationship rather than stomping your foot like a child wanting it now, should prove to your family, your boyfriend and yourself that you are serious

Another thing…any man who respects his lady would want her to have peaceful relationships with her family, if he would rather go against your parents and have you anyway I’d be very concerned what kind of relationship you would have…

Da⌐11 wrote:

aeolian mode wrote:
No problem in my books..Girls mature earlier ..Are your maturity levels similar,? Theres only 6 year difference plus, no biggie..

Those are an important 6 years.

Your parents are worried that by dating this guy you run the risk of missing out on experiencing some of the most productive and life shaping years of your life. What you do in the next 6 years are going to shape you as a person and impact how your entire life turns out. Your parents are worried that this guy no matter how great he might be will hold you back from achieving your full potential and truthfully their fears are warranted. It’s not necessarily true that he will hold you back, but the possibility is there and at a material level. The choice is ultimately yours - you are an adult now; but your parents advise is coming from years more experience that you do not have and the desire to want you to succeed in life; you shouldn’t lightly dismiss their concerns.

If I were in your shoes I would reconsider dating this guy at this time; one of the things that held me personally back in life was to get too involved with my wife at your age. If the two of us had more time to peruse interests outside of our relationship before we got serious I have no doubt we would be better off now.

If you do ultimately decide to remain serious with this guy; I’d advise you to keep as independent as you possibly can; make life choice on what is best for you and not what is best for your relationship. If your relationship is meant to be it will endure any choice you make for the betterment of yourself even if it places strain on the relationship.

I agree, your parentsknow best, they havelive way much longer than you have and know more about life. Plus dating someone your age or 2:3 years older make sure you won’t lose the fun of being a teenager. But it’s all up to you in the end ^__^

What D-11 says is truth, the age of 18 to 25 are years of learning some exceptionally important lessons. Such as what love really is, what it means to be independent, and more importantly the value of the dollar in realistic terms. (Just my opinion)

I’m not gonna say break it off, but don’t settle for a long time, don’t move in together, and certainly don’t depend on him. I’d have guy friends on the side, and while I would never condone cheating, I do suggest you see what other types of guys are out in the world before you settle down with one.

Da⌐11 wrote:

aeolian mode wrote:
No problem in my books..Girls mature earlier ..Are your maturity levels similar,? Theres only 6 year difference plus, no biggie..

Those are an important 6 years.

Your parents are worried that by dating this guy you run the risk of missing out on experiencing some of the most productive and life shaping years of your life. What you do in the next 6 years are going to shape you as a person and impact how your entire life turns out. Your parents are worried that this guy no matter how great he might be will hold you back from achieving your full potential and truthfully their fears are warranted. It’s not necessarily true that he will hold you back, but the possibility is there and at a material level. The choice is ultimately yours - you are an adult now; but your parents advise is coming from years more experience that you do not have and the desire to want you to succeed in life; you shouldn’t lightly dismiss their concerns.

If I were in your shoes I would reconsider dating this guy at this time; one of the things that held me personally back in life was to get too involved with my wife at your age. If the two of us had more time to peruse interests outside of our relationship before we got serious I have no doubt we would be better off now.

If you do ultimately decide to remain serious with this guy; I’d advise you to keep as independent as you possibly can; make life choice on what is best for you and not what is best for your relationship. If your relationship is meant to be it will endure any choice you make for the betterment of yourself even if it places strain on the relationship.

I wholly agree. As a person who has experienced those 6 years, I can attest to the veracity of this advice.

Hey, answerers, stop this education path. She is an ADULT person, and if she feels ok with that little age gap — who cares (except her parents, but they shouldn’t barge in anymore).

I think at 19 your choice is yours. I can understand why your parents would be uncomfortable with it because 25 year olds are generally in a completely different place in their lives than 19 year olds. But I don’t think the age gap determines whether you are right for each other.
I agree with Dr. Jackson that you should avoid getting too caught up in completely commiting to him because he’s had 6 more years of dating and finding out what he wants from life than you have. The thing is your type when you’re 19 can be completely different from 6 years later. Also you’re only starting out in life while at 25 you’re getting settled into a career and stuff.
But again I think it’s the individual people that determine if 19 and 25 makes sense together.
In most circumstances I don’t think it would but that doesn’t mean it couldn’t either.

Wndmills your doing a flipflop, you said you personally dont have a problem with this, and a 5-6 year age difference isnt a big deal, are you retracting your original statement?

windmills, wrote:
You’re an adult now and capable of making decisions as to who you want to date, despite however much your parents might disapprove. Personally, I don’t see any problem with it. A 5-6 year age difference isn’t that big a deal. Welcome to the wonderful world of being a teenager: when your wishes conflict with your parents’ wishes.

I only date older guys-we have the same taste! And you’re over 18 so it doesn’t matter. He can’t get in any legal trouble. I’m still underage so that’s the problem. But you’re almost 19. You’re an adult. You can date whoever the **** you want and your parents can’t do anything about it. Age doesn’t matter. Age is just a number. Don’t let that get in the way of the amazing love you have! Stay with him.

First You Should Obey Your Parents!!
For Me Parents First And Love IS Second!!

I think once your past the age of consent then your,your own boss.
Unless theres difinitive proof ie abuse of some sort,your parents shouldnt have anything to worry about.
(no matter how many years difference)

Your post says :-
I’m 18 and my boyfriend is 25..
My parents don’t want us together because of the age. But me and him are in love and i’m going to be 19 on september

I gather the problem is with your parents not wanting you to see him. I don’t think it has anything to do with them, as long as the person you talk about is respectfull towards you and you towards him.
The age difference is only a problem as long as one or both of you think it is.

There are those above that think you should end the relationship, that you should first find out about other aspects of life. They don’t say what you should experience first. That is not very helpfull. Take into account that parents don’t always get it right. They do have experience of life, it is though their experience not yours.
It is time for you to make your own choices, your own successes and failures. If you have advice thrown at you, you have the right to accept or decline it.

This problem if it can be called one, is one of the things in life that you need to find out about. As long as it is a happy nice experience, then just enjoy it.
There is nothing wrong with enjoying a loving relationship.

Yes thep, she also states she is in “love” life is full of lessons and I think this girl should listen to her own intuition on this..I am sure the parents mean well, but maybe they could at least agree on a compromise…Keep seeing this guy she is in love with, but just give it time to get into moving in together..

thep wrote:
Your post says :-
I’m 18 and my boyfriend is 25..
My parents don’t want us together because of the age. But me and him are in love and i’m going to be 19 on september

I gather the problem is with your parents not wanting you to see him. I don’t think it has anything to do with them, as long as the person you talk about is respectfull towards you and you towards him.
The age difference is only a problem as long as one or both of you think it is.

There are those above that think you should end the relationship, that you should first find out about other aspects of life. They don’t say what you should experience first. That is not very helpfull. Take into account that parents don’t always get it right. They do have experience of life, it is though their experience not yours.
It is time for you to make your own choices, your own successes and failures. If you have advice thrown at you, you have the right to accept or decline it.

This problem if it can be called one, is one of the things in life that you need to find out about. As long as it is a happy nice experience, then just enjoy it.
There is nothing wrong with enjoying a loving relationship.

Anonymous wrote:
I only date older guys-we have the same taste! And you’re over 18 so it doesn’t matter. He can’t get in any legal trouble. I’m still underage so that’s the problem. But you’re almost 19. You’re an adult. You can date whoever the **** you want and your parents can’t do anything about it. Age doesn’t matter. Age is just a number. Don’t let that get in the way of the amazing love you have! Stay with him.

wow you sound like me when i was a kid…mind you i found with that attitude no one had any time for me, cept the older guys who were only too happy to get me pregnant then run…boy did I change my attitude real quick!

You are both adults so it is your choice, but you should consider the opinion of your parents. Is the age difference the only thing they are uncomfortable with? What are their specific concerns and what can you do to make them feel better about these concerns?

Anonymous wrote:
Wndmills your doing a flipflop, you said you personally dont have a problem with this, and a 5-6 year age difference isnt a big deal, are you retracting your original statement?

windmills, wrote:
You’re an adult now and capable of making decisions as to who you want to date, despite however much your parents might disapprove. Personally, I don’t see any problem with it. A 5-6 year age difference isn’t that big a deal. Welcome to the wonderful world of being a teenager: when your wishes conflict with your parents’ wishes.

To clarify the meaning of my statement that a 5-6 year age difference isn’t a big deal, I mean that it’s not uncommon or even taboo to date someone who is 5 or 6 years older or younger, unless of course there is a minor involved. However, this person isn’t a minor - in which case she is at liberty to date a 35-year-old if she so chooses. From a personal standpoint, I see a 17 year age difference as too much - because of the mismatched life experiences as well as expectations and goals involved. There is a greater chance that two people in a relationship, whose age gap is 17 years, will find it more difficult to connect and remain happy together than two people whose age gap is 5-6 years.

The reasons Da⌐11 provided as to why she should not date this guy were well-founded and I wanted to acknowledge that. I do believe, now that it has been brought to my attention, that she would run a risk of not experiencing things that could indeed make her life better, should she continue to date and become more involved with this guy. However, as far as I’m concerned, my reasons for not having a problem with this particular age difference do not make it impossible or for me to agree with Da⌐11’s reasons for thinking it’s a problem. I hope that makes sense.

I see there is no different to be with someone in almost the same age or 25 years or bigger
somethings are not about how much he bigger smaller but the more important and its about are you sure and are you ready ?
sometimes its difficult to decide instead of other because your decisions and your happens doesn’t depends much in logic.
culture pressure and the situation of society now .
Do not let society pressure you in your options they can not help you .
even when you are sure of what you do desnt mean you are ready .
Perceptive is Required.

In my opinion, If you proceeded to try , be prepared for experiments
but do not let the experiences Defeat you .
good luck

I’m late to this but nothing struck me as wrong about your age gap. Rationally I can see a 25 year old is a bit more mature than a 19 year old but I was still very immature at 25. Go with your heart but make sure you get an education. :)

The age gap is not what is importantl; its the age

its good you give some considerations to your parent’s views, i mean, they might have some good reasons that might elude you. my be you can understand them if you try. but hey, i think you deserve to be happy, to do what your convinced about, so, if you really think you want to stick with your guy after all, pls do. but, may be you can convince your parents too,try, if you fail its ok. ok?

Girls always mature faster than men. If you were a 25 year old woman dating an 18 year old guy it would be strange. When I was 25 I was still dating teenage girls. Most of them were ready to settle down and I still wasn’t.

Ol’ Doc Ralph wrote:
Girls always mature faster than men. If you were a 25 year old woman dating an 18 year old guy it would be strange. When I was 25 I was still dating teenage girls. Most of them were ready to settle down and I still wasn’t.

Sounds like those girls where being very immature if they wanted to settle down while still in their teenaged years, and that’s the problem I see. Immaturity isn’t measure of how much you want to settle down and be in a committed relationship; it’s a measure of how well you deal with life choices and how you opt for long term gains over short term gains. Some times that means getting in an working on a committed relationship, and other times that means forgoing instant gratification of being in a relationship so that you can focus on school or your carrier. Boys and Girls show their immaturity in different ways and just because girls tend not to run around as much as boy doesn’t mean they are any more or less mature then boys at a particular age. There is a reason over 50 percent of marriages end in divorce and why an overwhelming majority of those divorces are filed by women; it’s because these women got into a committed relationship when they were too young and did not give themselves a chance to find out what they really wanted out of life; they convince themselves they were more mature than they really were and it came back to bit them one morning when they realize the person sleeping next to them is not what they want out of life.

Physical maturity is different from the mental maturity
when you be mature physically this does not mean you have matured mentally
In any age of human life could be immature.

as long, as he’s not just using you is alright i know some one who’s parents are 9 years different.
and my 16 year old friend, has a 22 year old boyfriend, ur not alone
love knows no bounds
as long as you trully love him
just remember when your 30, he’ll be almost 40

If there’s one thing I do know from experience…

when there is strife between young people and their parents, you can bet your bottom dollar you never quite get the full picture from the “agrieved” party. You know, you get the whole “I got grounded cos I dropped a dish” thing and parents sound like complete jerks… until you hear that the dish was dropped deliberately from a balcony onto the little brother’s head.

Hence I tend to think to myself.. what’s really going on? Is it really just an “age difference” issue? Or is there more to it?

That’s very true, mums. It wouldn’t be fair to listen to one side without listening to the other side, because all too often there is a discrepancy between the two stories. And we are all aware, I’m sure, of the tendency for people to only explain their version of the story and not the story as it actually happened.

mumstheword wrote:
If there’s one thing I do know from experience…

when there is strife between young people and their parents, you can bet your bottom dollar you never quite get the full picture from the “agrieved” party. You know, you get the whole “I got grounded cos I dropped a dish” thing and parents sound like complete jerks… until you hear that the dish was dropped deliberately from a balcony onto the little brother’s head.

Hence I tend to think to myself.. what’s really going on? Is it really just an “age difference” issue? Or is there more to it?

I agree,