I feel lifeless and stupid.
It’s holidays now and I’m supposed to do my homework. I haven’t started my homework yet and my freakin’ school starts next week! ****. I’m f**king doomed. I mean…What kind of girl who doesn’t do her homework? I’m not lazy but I just don’t feel like doing anything. All I can do is just lying on bed and surfing the internet for hours. I feel nothing. I’m also nervous of my upcoming exam this August! :( The exam is really really important to me. The hardest part is my parents are expecting me to get straight A’s since I’ve disappointed them with my latest exam results. Can’t this get any worse? I’m afraid that I can’t do exam paper for mathematics. It’s so hard to be me. I wish I was smart like my friends who are currently studying in a smart boarding school. How I wish I one of them! Actually,I used to get grades like A’s and B’s. I don’t know why I suddenly turned into such a horrible stupid kid! I hate myself. I hate my face and f**king brain. My teeth are not aligned and it makes me look like I have a fat chin every time I close my mouth. I’m just patiently waiting for the braces to straighten my teeth. I look really horrible from some angles! Sometimes I browse pretty girls’ pictures on Facebook and I constantly compare to myself to them. Apart from that,I always pretend that I’m happy in front of my parents even when I’m not! So yeah,they never know that I have bad days and s**t. I also always feel alone even with my friends. I don’t really have friends in this WORLD. My friends always make fun of me and they think that’s not going to hurt my feelings at all. They never apologize to me for things that they have done to me. I feel so alone. I used to have a GREAT sense of humour and used to be friendly with everyone. I don’t know what jokes are. I don’t know how to be friendly…Whenever I meet someone new over the internet. All I can say is “Hi,what’s up”and then I have nothing else to say afterwards! Perhaps because I’m afraid that I can annoy someone! I’ve been called annoying once :( I wasn’t being annoying but I was trying to be nice..Since that incident,I’ve changed my attitude and started to act “something that isn’t annoying” Blah. But yeah,I still don’t have a sense of humour..Usually when I talk to this funny guy-friend,I’d totally laugh out loud but last night I talked to him and I didn’t laugh or anything. Nothing happened. It’s like I’m feeling nothing and empty. So honestly,I have no one to talk to in this world. My friend on the internet doesn’t always go on Facebook like she used to. Therefore,I’m completely alone and have nobody to talk to. I feel like this life is nothing..I live for nothing. I was born for nothing. I had a horrible childhood. I wasn’t really a happy kid. Right now my life is so f**ked up! I wish someone could talk to me :( I need someone who would be there when I need him/her. That’s all.
Since writing this post falling_apart may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. falling_apart is a verified member, has been around for 11 months, 4 weeks and has 2 posts and 1 replies to their name.
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