computer help: Think my husband is literally obsessed with his VW van.

ers4s

Think my husband is literally obsessed with his VW van.

If he’s not working on his car its another VW he bought to fix up and sell. Goes to van meetings, goes on trail rides, goes away for vw getaways, and is constantly on the computer looking at car parts or blogging about them. In a bubble. He will try to minimize the work when I am not at work. It is hurting my feelings that he puts little thought into planning wife and husband stuff. He will ask me to go to dinner every once in a while, but I actually have to ask him to plan something. I can certainly plan, however I’m forcing him to think about us and our plans and its sooo tiring. The car stuff seems to be getting worse. Asked him to go back home with me for fathers day, but low and be hold he has a weekend van get together out of town again! Am I too sensitive?

This open post was written 11 months, 2 weeks ago | V/U/S: 337, 5, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post ers4s may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. ers4s is a verified member, has been around for 1 year, 3 months and has 9 posts and 15 replies to their name.

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Get Together, Back Home, Planning, feelings, computer, Thought, Weekend, husband, Bubble, dinner (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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melissa_vanwey 0 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 2 weeks ago (19 minutes after post)

Oversensitive? No. However, your husband is unlikely to see the error of his ways. “Husband wife stuff” is not generally on the top of most husband’s to-do lists, and he’s probably counting on you to understand his manly pursuits. I would suggest that you talk to him, try to communicate your feelings to him, and compromise. Tell him that it bothers you that he’d rather spend time with his van than with you, and suggest that certain times throughout the week be set aside specifically for you and him. Allow him time to work on his hobby, and perhaps think about involving yourself in something you enjoy so that you don’t feel left out or neglected when he’s doing his thing. By being understanding and open, hopefully your husband will be understanding and open in return.

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wil 3 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 2 weeks ago (23 minutes after post)

Have you considered bonding with him over his hobby? Tell him you want to get involved with his interests and ask if you can come on one of his van getaways. Maybe he’d love for you to come with him, but feels you wouldn’t enjoy it.
You two could really re-connect through his hobby.
Just a thought.

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ers4s 0 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 2 weeks ago (30 minutes after post)

When I do not say anything I feel like he takes advantage of that and goes with it….and forgets that I am here. I went with him to utah the few weeks ago to support his van get together. However I told him how I feel and he states no he is not obsessed and that Im crazy and to find a hobby for myself. Granted I dont mind if he works on them, but dont take me for granted as I feel neglected. The more I say I feel neglected the more he says he doesnt. When I ask him to plan or put more effort in having us do something 1 day a week. He gets mad, that I am asking him to do such a thing. Dont you think he could have his cake and eat it too if he were to give the wifey attention unfortunatly not genuine, but by doing that he could do more with his cars without me nagging?

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ers4s 0 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 2 weeks ago (35 minutes after post)

I have gone on a few things with him that involves his vans. Its really not a good fit for me as all they do is talk van most the time. But I feel there should be more thought in his brain to cater to wifey needs as us women need that attention and its degrading to feel as if im asking him to bestow his precious time with me. He should feel lucky that his wife wants to spend time with him. And thats when I feel unappreciated and taken advantage of.

Help me with: Husband humiliated me on our wedding week granted he was angy and miserable.

wil 3 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 2 weeks ago (1 hour, 17 minutes after post)

Sounds like the Van issue isn’t the problem. It’s the problem it represents, he appears less interested in you.
Have you had a conversation about this problem without mentioning vans at all?
I say don’t mention vans because it sounds like by now it is a touchy topic for the both of you, and mentioning it will put him on the defensive and you won’t get anything out of him.
Him having a passionate hobby is not a problem, but if he’s spending less time with you regardless of what reason, then it is well within your rights to ask him honestly how he is feeling with your relationship.
Ask him if he feels like his love for you has diminished (don’t mention vans).
If he isn’t giving you the attention you need then you need to reevaluate your relationship with him.

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Think my husband is literally obsessed with his VW van.

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