Somebody Please help me.
I am a two faced 22 year old person, one the real good guy whom everybody loves and the other being the most perverted guy whom no one knows about.
This is one of the shameful things i do.
Which makes me so badly depressed , but im not able to stop it.
i hear voices in my head saying im the worst guy in the whole world.
i have never shared this with anyone.
i’m sorry to write such disgusting events of my life here.
The only reason i’m posting here in the forum is because i wanted to tell the world how bad i’m and i need some help.
Here it goes,
My disgusting perverted other side,
i have been masturbating, since i was a six year old boy.
i used to do it when ever i was alone at home and when i had a magazine with some skin on it.
i never knew what i was doing till i was 14.
once i came to know, i felt so disgusting about what i was doing,
but i couldn’t stop.
i used to stop it temporarily for some 3-4 months but the habit was back again.
The more worst of me was when i used to fantasize about my teacher and masturbate when i was 15 years.
Then this guilt sat on my head and started to haunt me.
i felt so ashamed, and i stopped for some time.
But the devil took me again into its claws, but now the only thing that was changed was i stopped thinking pervertedly about the people i know.
i have so much respect for women, but only when im alone at home sometimes, everything changes
then i started having so much addiction to porn.
i watch obscene actresses videos and started doing it again.
till today, i couldn’t stop that habit.
The only time i really stopped for a long time was when i was saved by a guardian angel.
when i was in love with a girl i know, that time all those bad thoughts never used to be on my mind.
i used to write songs for her. She always told that im the most decent guy whom she has ever been friends with. The guilt used to hurt me so badly, because i know what i was till i met her.
when i told her that im in love with her, she didn accept my love (may be because im not a handsome guy).
The devil came back on my mind again, till date i suffer this pain of being a disgusting person every now and then.
everyone knows me loves to be my friend, because they dont know who i really am.
i pray to lord, participate in so many outdoor sports, i help kids at the orphanage regularly, i write songs, i read Political biographies to keep this badness off my mind, but still im not able to stop masturbating or watching obscene videos.
And these bad things stay in mind forever!
my parents love me, I have so many friends who really care about me.
Yet even if i get a 15 minutes of alone time at home, these bad thoughts come up again and i do it again.
i feel so disgusting
i want to punish myself for doing it.
But i dont know what to do.
I need some help from you guys,
1. Please help me on how to stop it.?
(Falling in love with another girl is not an option here, because everyone wants me to be their best friend and they start avoiding me even if they get a slightest of doubt that im in love with that person. so somebody loving me is never going to happen.)
2.Please help me on “how to punish myself?”.
(i have been so bad, had so many bad thoughts about my teacher when im like a kid to her. and some other women who are elder to me as well. All of them are like my sisters and mother. so i need to be punished.)
One last thing, i apologize from deepest of my heart to all the people for thinking about them with bad intentions.
I’m not whom everyone thinks im
Every single friend of me thinks im really a good and decent person, i really want to change like how they think im.
I dont want to be bad anymore
Thanks to people who bothered to read my messed up life and replied to this post.
I cant even discuss it with my parents or my friends,
so you guys are my guardian angel, please help!
Since writing this post mebadguy36 may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. mebadguy36 is a verified member, has been around for 11 months, 2 weeks and has 1 posts and 5 replies to their name.
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