friends help: what do you guys think about councelling? - Help.com

You were honest with her, that’s good enough. The risk of hurting someone is a risk you take getting into a relationship, as well as the risk of hurting others. She was wrong to lash out at you. Although, ideally, you both shouldn’t have tried to be friends immediately after. You guys need to do what you should have done as soon as you broke up:
Give each other distance, you need time apart to grow apart.
Her friends will look after her if she needs support. That’s not a one man job for an ex-boyfriend.
Time heals all. Give her space and time.
And forgive yourself, you both took a risk, and this time it didn’t pay off. Accept the past and move forward.

Long story short…?
NOT

Anonymous wrote:
Long story short…?
NOT

meaning??….i was the shortest way i could have explained it

Abridged version:
I need some help. There was this girl. We were friend for about 2 years and half. I started to have feelings for her. We never got physical except that we use to make out. A short while after being with her my feelings started to change. I started feeling different towards her. We broke up. A week after she lashes out at me and blames me and makes me go through a huge guilt trip. Then she apologize and says she can be my friend again. This whole scenario happened countless number of times in the period of 2 and half months. It came to a point where i had to break the friendship [off]. Today I was sleeping and I dreamnt that I was thinking about the pain she is going through and I was crying in my dream. I know she is not doing ok as I have heard from some friends of mine. I’ve been told that she is still dealing with the pain. I am stuck and I dont know how to get out of this guilt. I hope you guys can help me. Thank you for reading and commenting:)

Anonymous wrote:
Long story short…?
NOT

Anonymous wrote:
Abridged version:
I need some help. There was this girl. We were friend for about 2 years and half. I started to have feelings for her. We never got physical except that we use to make out. A short while after being with her my feelings started to change. I started feeling different towards her. We broke up. A week after she lashes out at me and blames me and makes me go through a huge guilt trip. Then she apologize and says she can be my friend again. This whole scenario happened countless number of times in the period of 2 and half months. It came to a point where i had to break the friendship [off]. Today I was sleeping and I dreamnt that I was thinking about the pain she is going through and I was crying in my dream. I know she is not doing ok as I have heard from some friends of mine. I’ve been told that she is still dealing with the pain. I am stuck and I dont know how to get out of this guilt. I hope you guys can help me. Thank you for reading and commenting:)

Shhhh….

I agree with wil. You didn’t do anything wrong. She’ll be fine so don’t blame yourself.

“we use to make out never physical”
This is where the line was crossed. You may not be a lesbian but she was starting to explore who she was. She feels you rejected her ‘physical’ appearance. Whether you did or not is not the point. You make out and then say, ‘no more’. Not only is she hurt but confused too. And she has nobody to tell or stick up for her. She might as well be stranded on an island.

Get off of Facebook. Nobody cares what your status is. Nobody. Facebook is all about ME. “I’m me. You are not. Get over it!”

It probably would be best to leave her to her own devices and she’ll figure it out on her own. If you actually cared about somebody else besides just yourself you could try being a cordial friend and include her in activities with your other friends. Perhaps even introduce her to someone that will get close to her again to lift her spirits and self esteem.

Anonymous wrote:
“we use to make out never physical”
This is where the line was crossed. You may not be a lesbian but she was starting to explore who she was. She feels you rejected her ‘physical’ appearance. Whether you did or not is not the point. You make out and then say, ‘no more’. Not only is she hurt but confused too. And she has nobody to tell or stick up for her. She might as well be stranded on an island.

Get off of Facebook. Nobody cares what your status is. Nobody. Facebook is all about ME. “I’m me. You are not. Get over it!”

It probably would be best to leave her to her own devices and she’ll figure it out on her own. If you actually cared about somebody else besides just yourself you could try being a cordial friend and include her in activities with your other friends. Perhaps even introduce her to someone that will get close to her again to lift her spirits and self esteem.

About the last part of your paragraph, I feel like you do not understand where I’m coming from…you are telling me to include her in activities along with my friends and even introduce her to some1 else to lift her spirit up…what you don’t understand is that me being anywhere around her will actually put her in a deeper hole…if I didn’t care for her, then I would have completely blocked all of my contacts with her as soon as I broke up with her but I didn’t do that…I remained friends with her and I was considerate towards her which with time proved that I cannot be around her because when I was around her, it was putting her in a deeper hole

When you are young, relationships are hard in all the hurt feelings that come from breakups and makeups. If you are looking for the one and she’s not it, it is better to let her get over that on her own.

Broken hearts always heal with time.

Let me tell you to that feelings always change with love. first is the excitement. But that soon wears off. There comes a point you’ve already talked about everything and know enough about them to not be excited anymore.

Then comes the love, the true love part. That means hanging onto someone you don’t always like all the time, living your life with, having arguments with, dealing with their crap. Because no one will be perfect, so you learn to deal with the faults of the other and take it in stride. Because they have to deal with your faults too. Thats why some couples last fifty years together.

You are pretending to know how another person will act and what they will do. I’m sorry, but did GOD resign and make you self aware of future events???

She is hurting. You are a big cause of that pain. So you think it is best to just to wallow in your OWN self pity rather than helping out someone else? Seriously… you have no compassion whatsoever?

southern_comfort, IP wrote:
You are pretending to know how another person will act and what they will do. I’m sorry, but did GOD resign and make you self aware of future events???

She is hurting. You are a big cause of that pain. So you think it is best to just to wallow in your OWN self pity rather than helping out someone else? Seriously… you have no compassion whatsoever?

ok i dont think you even read my post….i have no compassion whatsoever??….if i did give a **** about her, then WHY would i be feeling guilty today??….why would i be feeling like this???…if i seriously didnt give a **** about her, i would have cut her off and not worry abt her whatsoever the moment i broke up with her….

you need to understand my post well and understand where im coming from before jumping to conclusion and posting negative comments…thank you

I did read it. You need to reread it also. This is what I ‘read’.

anonymous wrote:
i need some help… i started feeling different… and it wouldnt be fair to me. …she lashes out at me and make me go through a guilt trip… i had to break… i was already feeling guilty… she made me… i still cannot get over that guilt… i am stuck… it is seriously dragging me down. i want to know if she is doing ok….but i cannot ask… false hope is something i really don’t wanna… i am stuck and i dont know how to get out of this guilt…

I…I…I…I…I. So this all about your problem not hers. Ergo you have no compassion. When you turn your attitude outward toward others you will find that your problems are not so important after all.

If the guilt is so bad you absolutely cannot return to being her friend then you need to do something else. Volunteer. Give of your time to help someone else; a child in the hospital that has no family or a elderly woman that only hears from a grandson once a year. Both of these people need to feel that they matter. That someone cares. Volunteer to help them. And I guaranty your issues will seem so miniscule that you’ll need a microscope to find them.

Peace.

southern_comfort, IP wrote:
I did read it. You need to reread it also. This is what I ‘read’.

anonymous wrote:
i need some help… i started feeling different… and it wouldnt be fair to me. …she lashes out at me and make me go through a guilt trip… i had to break… i was already feeling guilty… she made me… i still cannot get over that guilt… i am stuck… it is seriously dragging me down. i want to know if she is doing ok….but i cannot ask… false hope is something i really don’t wanna… i am stuck and i dont know how to get out of this guilt…

I…I…I…I…I. So this all about your problem not hers. Ergo you have no compassion. When you turn your attitude outward toward others you will find that your problems are not so important after all.

If the guilt is so bad you absolutely cannot return to being her friend then you need to do something else. Volunteer. Give of your time to help someone else; a child in the hospital that has no family or a elderly woman that only hears from a grandson once a year. Both of these people need to feel that they matter. That someone cares. Volunteer to help them. And I guaranty your issues will seem so miniscule that you’ll need a microscope to find them.

Peace.

so what you are basically saying is that i dont have to worry about any of this because there are people out there who are in a worse situation than i am??

What I am saying is that you strong>need /strong> to worry if your problems and your ego are such big wooden stake in your eye that you are unable to see the worries of other people around you.

southern_comfort, IP wrote:
What I am saying is that you strong>need /strong> to worry if your problems and your ego are such big wooden stake in your eye that you are unable to see the worries of other people around you.

ok we both think differently….

peace