boyfriend help: This might sound stupid to some of you, but i feel that because - Help.com

They dont know. its just my counsellor who knows. i really want to tell my mum, but im scared she wont be able to keep it to herself? it might just make our relationship awkward, she might actually blame me?! shh might get fustrated and insensitive and say it was my fault for having a boyfriend.

its been a year since this happened. i’ve been single,ever since. if i ever got into another relatinship in the future i would be more careful now about certian characteristics. do you think my mum would be able to hide it from my dad? or will it mess up her reltionahip with my dad if she did?

*relationship

*would be more careful and can now understand what a persons personality is more like if they’re to do something like that.

sorry im all ove the place right now, cant type

because he’s my dad. he cant deal with emotions already and plus, he going to get fustrated not be able to deal with it and then blame me, i can just see it happening.

hes just so old fashioned, and forein. i can imagine him at his worst saying to me : ‘women like you get yourself in these situatins, u deserve it’
or something like that

*situations

I’m guessing you’re in UK.

What has the school counsellor advised you?

First things first. He’s God. You’re not. Get over it. You are thinking you know how your parents will react yet you don’t know. The only person who DOES know is God. He didn’t relinquish His powers to you so get over it.

You simply need to tell your parents. There might be disappointment and perhaps some punishment. Understandable. That is so you don’t do it again. Period.

Now then lets talk about the abuse.No, God did not punish you by setting you up. It was your choice and your choice alone to start seeing this creep.

But hear me loud and clear: You had nothing to do with how he mistreated you. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Nyet. Nothing. Zero. None.

He (bf) is responsible for his actions. And trust me when I tell you, you probably were not the first, and until he is made to stop you will not be the last. The therapist has probably already told you this. It needs to be said over and over again until it sinks in.

God isn’t some kid with a magnifying glass set ants on fire. He cares for you and doesn’t want harm to come your way.
BUT! the world is a large cycle of people making choices, and each choices affects another, and another, and everything we do, say, see, everything, affects everything else. And things happen, which in turn make other things happen. It isn’t that your life was normal and then you messed up and God was like “Omg what a little doosh (I know it’s spelt wrong) here take this pahahah!!!!”

No. It isn’t like that. Your choices determine your life, don’t bring God into the blame.

thank you everyone. i feel like my parents dont understand, why i am the way i am i want them to know, i want them understand. i need and want support now, i dont want to be on my own. mum will understand more i think, its my dad thats a bit old school.

What is a curl God? He got a permanent??? Didn’t realize He was so vain about His appearance….

^lol
thanks for the humour…
i think they meant ‘cruel’.

you should talk to someone you love and trust, who will understend , comfort, help you and be close to you no matter what. I’m sure you’re parents love you but if you think they won’t be helpful just don’t tell them. it’s your life, your decitions, your pain. you share it with whomever you feel like.=) and don’t ever ever blame yourself

It would be very helpful to know which country you are in so that I can give you the correct advice…

fey33 wrote:
you should talk to someone you love and trust, who will understend , comfort, help you and be close to you no matter what. I’m sure you’re parents love you but if you think they won’t be helpful just don’t tell them. it’s your life, your decitions, your pain. you share it with whomever you feel like.=) and don’t ever ever blame yourself

thank you fey33. its just hard trusting people. people evetually get up and leave… o yeah and they tend to stab you in the back before they depart in my experience :/ …so i dont know if i can really trsut anyone that much, i feel like once you get too comfortable with anyone it happens. but i see what ur saying i really do need someone :/ , i have needed someone this whole year

i am from england, london…

mumstheword wrote:
It would be very helpful to know which country you are in so that I can give you the correct advice…

I thought so :o)

And what has the school counsellor told you?

From a Christian point of view, this would actually not be the will of God but of Satan or Demons or Evil forces that we cannot see. Again this is a Christian point of view. God would never want anything like this to happen to you. Just be more careful and don’t put yourself in these kind of situations. Use your common sense and judgement, don’t just make mistakes and feel it is meant to be because you don’t worship like you used to. You shape and mold your own future, if you just believe that your future is cursed and bad things are going to happen to you because you aren’t worshiping then what do you think is going to happen in your life? You are attracting the negative circumstances to your life, just change your thinking and believe positive will come into your life and it will.

no one has asked this yet but… have you sued the bastard?

Anonymous wrote:
no one has asked this yet but… have you sued the bastard?

no :/ …i dont have the guts t go through that right now, my parent dont even know about it…. i dont think i could do that without them knowing

would still love to know how your school counselling is progressing…

mumstheword wrote:
would still love to know how your school counselling is progressing…

well, we have so much to talk about when i get in that room, that i cant excatly talk about everything i want or that is going on once a week for an hour. i feel embarrassed to talk about certian things face to face to her… and also i feel maybe she hasnt had experience much with people like me, and im going to shock her with my crap

like you know, freak her out

and then shes going to think im a freak too.

Anonymous wrote:

mumstheword wrote:
would still love to know how your school counselling is progressing…

well, we have so much to talk about when i get in that room, that i cant excatly talk about everything i want or that is going on once a week for an hour. i feel embarrassed to talk about certian things face to face to her… and also i feel maybe she hasnt had experience much with people like me, and im going to shock her with my crap

Counselors usually know the limits of their learning and skill set. If she feels you would be better served by someone with more knowledge to help you she will tell you that. Don’t try to read her mind. If you had psychic capabilities you wouldn’t need counseling in the first place.

May I ask how old you are?

im 17

My advice, if you are struggling with post-abuse issues, is to ask your counsellor to refer you to a specialist rape/abuse victims support group in your area.

Or you could call them yourself and talk things through:

http://www.sacl.ca/support_supportfor…

As for your religious worries… talk to your family priest/rabbi/imam/pandit?

Which religion do you and your family follow?