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girlfriend help please

maybe to some this isn’t very significant but to me it is.

i was messing about on her phone yesterday and i looked through the messages ( i did trust her ) and then i saw a txt with her friend about her finishin work at 3 - 4pm and then going to see her and have a bbq around her house (i dont know who else was going to be there). she has told me nothing about this, i dont know if she has or she will go for a bbq with her friend but she also told me she started work at 7 and finished at 11:30…. so she is lying to me either way? now to me i am very insecure and she knows that… as i have been cheated on the past this is how it started a simple lie at first which then turned into it. i think one of the main reasons is that because she has been having trouble from her x… like him calling her, writing her a letter and txting her… so that really doesn’t help. she has told me about her x n when he txts etc and she said she will never lie to me… but she has? what should i do? i have no idea…

This open post was written 11 months, 1 week ago | V/U/S: 372, 8, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Either way, girlfriend, Yesterday, writing, trouble, Reasons, Calling, letter, simple, trust (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

Replies (8)

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verge offline Verified User (1 year, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 134 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 1 week ago (5 minutes after post)

Just ask her straight up. Ask her, tell her you saw the text, and refrain from going through her messages in the future.

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asdd offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 1 week ago (8 minutes after post)

yea but thats the thing, i am not good at confrontation. as i know if i ask her she will be like … earm argh… or she will just lie again… once trust is gone its hard to trust them again and i know that this is where its heading… we have been together for a month and if she has lied to me already then why wont she in the future?

do you think i am over reacting? or am i ok?

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verge offline Verified User (1 year, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 134 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 1 week ago (15 minutes after post)

You seem okay, but you shouldn’t have gone through her phone whether or not she is lying. You must confront her, otherwise your suspicion will get out of hand and your distrust will grow. Open communication is key. Ask her gently about the message and whether she’d like to explain or clear it up for you. Apologize for going through her phone, but ask her. If she flips out, you’re probably better off without her.

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verge offline Verified User (1 year, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 134 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 1 week ago (17 minutes after post)

If she comes clean immediately, forgive her. If it was a misunderstanding, forget about it. If she invents an unbelievable story, she is too immature to be in a relationship.

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asdd offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 1 week ago (21 minutes after post)

she always says feel free to go through my phone etc, and i didn’t plan i was just bored.. she new i was on her phone as she was sat next to me and i dont normaly but.. perhpas thats why i did as something was there? i duno.. but thanks i will try… oo

what happens if she has deleted the message now?

and what happens if she just denies it?

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verge offline Verified User (1 year, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 134 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 1 week ago (29 minutes after post)

If she denies it, and truly hasn’t forgotten, she has issues. If your girlfriend is that immature you might want to think about whether it is good for you to be in a relationship with her. Just be open and calm and believe her unless you have evidence that she has lied to you.

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asdd offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 1 week ago (31 minutes after post)

k, thanks i will try to

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scarlett87 offline Verified User (1 year, 1 month) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months, 1 week ago (3 hours, 32 minutes after post)

But if she actually sat next to you and let you sit their and go threw her phone. I doubt she wanted to hide it from you. She is intitled to a private life too. Lying about what time she finnishes now that is wrong, but doesnt she have an hours slip anywhere? You could ask her what time she finnishes again, giving her a geniune chance to come clean about it instead of trapping her. Even if you say you lied i saw your phone and even if she admits it. Thats not going to help your trust. You need her to come clean on her own. Just another way of thinking about it. I agree with verg though, if shes lying already and you already have trust issues, is she mature enough to have the same kind of relationship as you

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