just a rant
ive basically just had enough of work, like the harassment isnt enough now i seem to have lost all my friends. theres this one girl kate who’s really popular, we used to be good friends but now some new people have started and she knows a few, she doesnt even talk to me anymore. and now she seems to be best mates with hannah who’s just started. hanna doesnt like me coz im really good friends with andy her boyfriend. and she plays the totally sweet and innocent card and everyone now loves her and hates me for talking to him.
maybe im jealous of kate coz everyone loves her and she has the ability to talk to anyone, i just dont know what to say to people. im just not interesting or funny.
and i fell out with andy last night too, he text me a few times asking from me to come over for cuddles, then said he wasnt serious, like hes just messing with me, im sick of it, im not a toy to be picked up and played with whenever he feels like it so now im not talking and deleted him from facebook, he also asked to meet at the gym but i didnt go, which sucks coz i really need to go work out my anger and hurt.
and then a couple of days ago my ex decided to text me coz ‘the england footcall coach reminded him of me’ (we have the same last name) so he comes online and we get into why our relationship went so wrong and he started blaming me for everything!!!! he said i didnt try hard enough to know him. sorry, but how do you get to know someone when everything they told you is a complete LIE. i dont even know his real name. he just lied and cheated constantly. and he tells me i didnt try!!! i did my best to hurt him, i lied back this time, told him i had everything he ever wanted but he wasnt hurt. so i told him he wasnt fit to breathe the same air as me. so he asked what did he breathe, and i told him ‘hopefully you dont and you choke and die’. that did it! that really hurt him, he bombarded me with messages asking if i really meant it. maybe the **** thought i still loved him. but it couldnt be further from the truth, i despise him, the thought of him makes me feel sick to the core.
and then i have a friend in another country, ive never met him but i used to have feelings for him, but ive known him for 6 years, we’ve always been there for each other, through hard times and breakups etc. hes always getting hurt by some girl, they use him. and i feel bad for him, i want him to meet the one for him. but hes talking about coming to my country to be with me. hes saved up money and everything. but i dont know if its what i want. yeah im lonely and i want someone but i dont know if its him. i used to really love him, but im over it now. hes the sweetest and the best guy, so romantic and caring and cute and trustworthy. but theres something in me thats unsure.
im just a bit of a mess now. i dont even know why, its not that time of month yet, i just feel f*****. i have alot on my mind and no one to talk to. i so badly want a cuddle, a real one. i want someone who is there for me when i need them, but i have no shoulder to cry on. i gotta deal with all this myself. and its getting too much. and walking round work with a miserable face isnt helping. people keep telling me to cheer up and that makes me feel worse. why cant people keep there nose out. if im sad thats my business. you never know whats going on in someones life.
and on top of all this i have to worry about buying a new car, moving out and finding a new job, coz this ones pretty f****** done
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