sex help: I caught my stepbrother and stepsister(they are related) having sex. - Help.com

Should I tell my parents

Yes, I think so. They could decide to hate you forever but it would be a kind thing to do to help with a bad situation.

Hmm. Tricky one!

Personally I wouldn’t say anything as it doesn’t directly concern you… As far as I can see there is no harm being done…

Unless of course its romantic and kids are going to get involved! Then its a very bad thing!

I would watch and wait and see… It might all blow over with nothing bad happening. After all its a trueism that the surest way to make a relationship stronger is to try and split it up

Wow..that’s really awkward… umm.. I honestly don’t know what you should do. It might not be the right advice, but I’d say just try to forget it, you could cause a lot of problems by letting the public know, I’m not going to lie, it is pretty disgusting but, who knows what problems could be caused if you told your parents. I: Tough situation.

Did you “see” them or is this based only on what you heard?

And what ages are we talking about? Was it rape or consensual? To be honest incest might abhor others but I think we need more love in this world and less hate. And if you tell parents it will not stop them, only move it to a more secretive location.

So if YOU are traumatized by this, seek a therapist. Otherwise, keep your nose and ears out of it.

^Cannot believe these responses.
YES, of course you should tell a responsible adult. What they are doing is very risky. For one, is your stepsister WERE to fall pregnant (it is ALWAYS a possibility), as she is related to the father it could give her all sorts of problems, possibly leaving her unable to have children in the future. Secondly, they are breaking the law, and the least you can do for your parents is to make sure they know about whatever law breaking is going on in the house.
Seek counselling or yourself, this is obviously very shocking and worrying for you, I’m so sorry. Good luck.

I’ve had to really think about this as incest isn’t something I’ve given much thought to. At first thought, there seems to be no reason for it to be illegal. The only negative impact is when they have children.
I would be a hypocrite to condemn incest and not homosexuality. Both are simple cases of people loving people and both occur naturally but are less common, and even more so in monogamous species. As far as I’m concerned the only difference is that one used to be considered taboo, and the other still is.
However, socially, bringing this issue into the open will unleash a world of trouble on your step siblings. At worst they could be hated, ostracized, your family may completely reject them. It could destroy your family.
You need to decide whether you think there is any benefit to come out of telling your parents. Personally, I can’t see one.
In your situation I think I would either bring it up with your siblings to be sure they understand the consequences of their relationship, or I’d leave them to figure out their relationship for themselves. Either way, I would keep my lips sealed.
But this is just me.

NO, homosexuality and incest do NOT fall in the same category. Homosexuality was condemned because a 2000-year-old book said it was bad. The same book actively encouraged incest (see lott). Incest is not merely taboo, it is illegal because it is dangerous to both parties. Sex (note: not love) between brother and sister IS wrong, because, I reiterate, there is ALWAYS a chance your stepsister could fall pregnant, in which case she would very likely condemn her child to death or lifetime disability. Brothers and sisters who engage in such acts are significantly more likely to develop depression and anorexia, and are more likely to attempt suicide or abuse drugs.

For the above reasons, what they are doing is VERY self damaging and dangerous. And again, parents deserve to know if something illegal is happening in their house. If you do not feel comfortable telling your parents, try speaking to a therapist or ringing a helpline (samaritans?). I’m sure they will give you better advice than anyone on here could.

No response from OP. Wonder if this is a troll post…???

csisma wrote:
NO, homosexuality and incest do NOT fall in the same category. Homosexuality was condemned because a 2000-year-old book said it was bad. The same book actively encouraged incest (see lott). Incest is not merely taboo, it is illegal because it is dangerous to both parties. Sex (note: not love) between brother and sister IS wrong, because, I reiterate, there is ALWAYS a chance your stepsister could fall pregnant, in which case she would very likely condemn her child to death or lifetime disability. Brothers and sisters who engage in such acts are significantly more likely to develop depression and anorexia, and are more likely to attempt suicide or abuse drugs.

For the above reasons, what they are doing is VERY self damaging and dangerous. And again, parents deserve to know if something illegal is happening in their house. If you do not feel comfortable telling your parents, try speaking to a therapist or ringing a helpline (samaritans?). I’m sure they will give you better advice than anyone on here could.

puzzled at this… do you have figures/facts to support the depression/anorexia thing? I would have said its likely to make them happier - how much angst and problems is caused by teenagers looking for sex and getting it from the wrong places?

When you go back in history incest wasn’t frowned upon at all - it was religion that made it into such a taboo. Now, granted it did cure its one MASSIVE problem (kids) but beyond that it caused a lot of problems also.. But thats the nature of the world.

Really, its just the danger of pregnancy that i see as bad. Also, is it worth making them social pariahs for what could be just a one time thing? Or something that would disapear as they grow anyway? Does the possible bad outweigh the possible good?

That we can’t say without knowing the entire story, past, present and future :P And we will never know this! Not in the least because OP may be a troll

*shrugs*

Even if it is a troll its still an interesting debate! :)

Oh! csisma! - Don’t forget that the people at samaritans are people just like us - so the quality of the information you get back will be pretty much the same as ours :P The difference is that theres is a little more regimented due to the overshadowing organisationand the danger of being sued, thus some things that we can say can’t be said by them… For good or bad!

Are we assuming that the stepbrother and stepsister are both under age? What would your advice be if they were 21 and 22?? Because we simply do not know. Like I said earlier, the OP has not responded.
OP said they “heard” noises. It may have been sex. It might have been a back rub. And we have no clue if intercourse even took place down playing the possibility of pregnancy quite a bit.

Even if it WAS sex and intercourse DID happen it sounds like this is not the first time they had done this. Perhaps protection was used. We just don’t know. And to be jumping to conclusions and assumptions is not doing this family member justice.

SlightlyUnique wrote:

csisma wrote:
NO, homosexuality and incest do NOT fall in the same category. Homosexuality was condemned because a 2000-year-old book said it was bad. The same book actively encouraged incest (see lott). Incest is not merely taboo, it is illegal because it is dangerous to both parties. Sex (note: not love) between brother and sister IS wrong, because, I reiterate, there is ALWAYS a chance your stepsister could fall pregnant, in which case she would very likely condemn her child to death or lifetime disability. Brothers and sisters who engage in such acts are significantly more likely to develop depression and anorexia, and are more likely to attempt suicide or abuse drugs.

For the above reasons, what they are doing is VERY self damaging and dangerous. And again, parents deserve to know if something illegal is happening in their house. If you do not feel comfortable telling your parents, try speaking to a therapist or ringing a helpline (samaritans?). I’m sure they will give you better advice than anyone on here could.

puzzled at this… do you have figures/facts to support the depression/anorexia thing? I would have said its likely to make them happier - how much angst and problems is caused by teenagers looking for sex and getting it from the wrong places?

When you go back in history incest wasn’t frowned upon at all - it was religion that made it into such a taboo. Now, granted it did cure its one MASSIVE problem (kids) but beyond that it caused a lot of problems also.. But thats the nature of the world.

Really, its just the danger of pregnancy that i see as bad. Also, is it worth making them social pariahs for what could be just a one time thing? Or something that would disapear as they grow anyway? Does the possible bad outweigh the possible good?

That we can’t say without knowing the entire story, past, present and future :P And we will never know this! Not in the least because OP may be a troll

*shrugs*

Even if it is a troll its still an interesting debate! :)

It is! As to the fact that incest was not frowned upon - that is certainly true, people were always marrying their cousins. that is because we did not know about the health risks involved then and now, thanks to research, we know about deformed babies, and increased risk of depression etc (will come to this in a minute). HOWEVER, you are quite wrong to suggest that religion made it tabboo, the christian bible openly condones incest, as does the Qu’ran (see previous point).

I love you saying this could be relief from ‘teenagers getting sex in the wrong place’ - isn’t from your sibling pretty much the definition of the wrong place? Would you feel the same if it was his/her father/mother? grandfather/grandmother?

As for increased risk of depression, sibling incest occurs most often in what is called an agression-exchange family, and the children whoa re part of this aggression-exchange have an abnormally high rate of suicide (read Systemic Treatment of Incest: A Therapeutic Handbook for more details). Look at any anorexia website and you will see incest listed as one of the main causes.

However, I do agree the op could have misheard and it is worth discussing with the sister and/or brother beforehand. Protection, however, is failable. It simply is not worth the risk.

Where does the bible openly condone incest? (Curious! Never heard that one before! - especially as any christian i’ve spoken to get rather upset about incest and condem it pretty quick!) - As I understood it before religion became such an important side of things family were a lot more likely to play together - sleeping and having sex in the same room etc. It was a mixture of civilisation (as in more modern constructions, more rooms in homes etc) and relgious overtones (the entire sex/marriage thing primarilly) that caused it…

Anyway! - The sex in the wrong place - my attitude comes from love - is it better to get sex from someone that you know loves you and you know that its a tempoary thing, rather than someone thats slept with half the street and/or will treat you like ****? - Unfortunately it works both ways - just as there are good and bad relationships.

This follows into the depression/agression-exchange familys - a lot of that would be directly because it IS frowned upon… Look at being gay and the detrimental effects that has on people even now, especially on those that aren’t supported by friends/familly. Would the stats change if incest was more accepted and educated with? Almost certainly. That said, there will always be the bad side to it just as there is in any other relationship.

Also, we are leaving off the sex between dad/daughter son/mother - i’m against this because how can you be a parent and have sex with your child at the same time? You need to be an authority figure, not a sexual one and thats not even touching the power dynamic that gets screwed up - So keeping this to siblings only :)

@SlightlyUnique & cisisma:

Religious scholars say that God suspended the laws of incest in the early days of man in order to ensure that man spread on the earth. In the words of the commentators of the Douay Rheims Bible: “God [dispensed] with such marriages in the beginning of the world, as mankind could not otherwise be propagated.� Despite that, these tales are not all simply matters of procreation – particularly item 1. So, here is a list of 6 of the more questionable relationships in the Bible.

More here: http://listverse.com/2008/05/26/top-6…

Genesis 38: Jonah, Ona etc.
Genesis 11-14: Lot had sex with his daughters.
These are just a couple i could come up with. Couldn’t be bothered to read the whole bible.

I think the point you made about the dad/daughter relationship is also applicable to siblings. I think you need to have a core of family love separately from sexual relationships, personally.

I agree the stats would change if incest were made socially acceptable, but I genuinely feel there is a problem outside of that. Read the book for more details. Plus, I don’t think the condoning of incest is a good idea. Easy way to triple cot deaths and kids with disabilities overnight.

Homosexuality is a separate point, because
a) It is not illegal to practice homosexuality
b) There is no possibility of pregnancy
c) You are not violating that stable family dynamic which is so important when growing up.

From the Bible: “6 ‘None of you shall approach anyone who is near of kin to him, to uncover his nakedness: I am the LORD. 7 ‘The nakedness of your father or the nakedness of your mother you shall not uncover. She is your mother; you shall not uncover her nakedness. 8 ‘The nakedness of your father’s wife you shall not uncover; it is your father’s nakedness. 9 ‘The nakedness of your sister, the daughter of your father, or the daughter of your mother, whether born at home or elsewhere, their nakedness you shall not uncover. 10 ‘The nakedness of your son’s daughter or your daughter’s daughter, their nakedness you shall not uncover; for theirs is your own nakedness. 11 ‘The nakedness of your father’s wife’s daughter, begotten by your father - she is your sister - you shall not uncover her nakedness. 12 ‘You shall not uncover the nakedness of your father’s sister; she is near of kin to your father. 13 ‘You shall not uncover the nakedness of your mother’s sister, for she is near of kin to your mother. 14 ‘You shall not uncover the nakedness of your father’s brother. You shall not approach his wife; she is your aunt. 15 ‘You shall not uncover the nakedness of your daughter-in-law - she is your son’s wife - you shall not uncover her nakedness. 16 ‘You shall not uncover the nakedness of your brother’s wife; it is your brother’s nakedness. 17 ‘You shall not uncover the nakedness of a woman and her daughter, nor shall you take her son’s daughter or her daughter’s daughter, to uncover her nakedness. They are near of kin to her. It is wickedness. 18 ‘Nor shall you take a woman as a rival to her sister, to uncover her nakedness while the other is alive.”
Leviticus 18:6-18

Not that I care what God says, as he is, after all, an invisible wizard in the sky, but on several occasions (not least adam-eve-cane-able-?) relations between family happen, and the guilty ones are not ’smited’
God isn’t really the point though :/

This person is definitely not asking anything about religion or homosexuality. You all are taking advantage of someone’s plea for help to debate your own social concerns.

Like I said, God isn’t the point.

southern_comfort, IP wrote:
Did you “see” them or is this based only on what you heard?

Yes I did see them I was sleeping in the same room on a separate bed. It was like as soon as I opened my eyes I saw them in a sexual position with her legs up and I was so shocked that I quickly turned my head so they wouldn’t notice me. And I laid there for about two minutes and then they heard a sound in the hall way so I heard a lot of clothes moving and he left the room. I honestly don’t know what I should. Not only was it incest but they were doing in the same room where I sleep at night. There is no telling how long this has been going on while I sleep. I’m a hard and late sleeper so… I have just been thinking about it constantly all day and I can’t get it out mind and I get nerve around the two of them. I don’t know how to face them and I don’t want to be like this forever. And there is no around here I can talk to.

president mindhealer wrote:
This person is definitely not asking anything about religion or homosexuality. You all are taking advantage of someone’s plea for help to debate your own social concerns.

Actually no (not for me anyway) - we’re having a debate on the issue of incest and the damage/good it can do. This is entirely relevant because it gives OP a point of context on what others think and may help them make up their own mind objectively with other points of view.

Additionally, at the time we weren’t sure if OP would ever return of if it would be like the thousands of other troll posts ;)

Anyway! as to OP now you have reemerged - can you just talk to them about it? “Guys - I heard you having sex… You do know what you are doing yes? (and then guage where to go next based on that)

you need to tell your parents about it as quickly as possible.

SlightlyUnique wrote:

president mindhealer wrote:
This person is definitely not asking anything about religion or homosexuality. You all are taking advantage of someone’s plea for help to debate your own social concerns.

Actually no (not for me anyway)

sure looks like it to me.

jewel2244do wrote:

southern_comfort, IP wrote:
Did you “see” them or is this based only on what you heard?

Yes I did see them I was sleeping in the same room on a separate bed. It was like as soon as I opened my eyes I saw them in a sexual position with her legs up and I was so shocked that I quickly turned my head so they wouldn’t notice me. And I laid there for about two minutes and then they heard a sound in the hall way so I heard a lot of clothes moving and he left the room. I honestly don’t know what I should. Not only was it incest but they were doing in the same room where I sleep at night. There is no telling how long this has been going on while I sleep. I’m a hard and late sleeper so… I have just been thinking about it constantly all day and I can’t get it out mind and I get nerve around the two of them. I don’t know how to face them and I don’t want to be like this forever. And there is no around here I can talk to.

how old are you (estimate range-wise)?
and how old are your siblings?

if you’re sharing a room with one, then it sounds to me that this is a parent situation. and you need to find a parent or adult or some kind of counselor.

Big deal… Don’t involve. You will not be popular, maybe not even with your parents (messenger of bad news).

Unless they are small kids, of course. But I take it they are not, because then you would have interfered.

Love is better than hatred. If they are old enough to protect themselves, let them live their own lives.

MarlinTheFish wrote:

SlightlyUnique wrote:

president mindhealer wrote:
This person is definitely not asking anything about religion or homosexuality. You all are taking advantage of someone’s plea for help to debate your own social concerns.

Actually no (not for me anyway)

sure looks like it to me.

I have to agree, this post is about what the user should do, not about any ethical or moral concerns. Keep that in mind please.

Furthermore, in my opinion I’d blackmail em to stop, hold it over their head and they will stop most likely. I am assuming they are under age and not over age. If they are over age then it’s their decision, but if they are underage they may just be experimenting. While I don’t approve of it myself, I am not gonna hate on it as it has only become taboo in the last 400 years or so, before that it wasn’t uncommon to still marry to brothers and sisters.

Question, why dont let two people just have some fun…?

Anonymous wrote:
Question, why dont let two people just have some fun…?

apparently. we’re already retarded, so why not make ourselves even more so

jewel2244do wrote:

southern_comfort, IP wrote:
Did you “see” them or is this based only on what you heard?

Yes I did see them I was sleeping in the same room on a separate bed. It was like as soon as I opened my eyes I saw them in a sexual position with her legs up and I was so shocked that I quickly turned my head so they wouldn’t notice me. And I laid there for about two minutes and then they heard a sound in the hall way so I heard a lot of clothes moving and he left the room. I honestly don’t know what I should. Not only was it incest but they were doing in the same room where I sleep at night. There is no telling how long this has been going on while I sleep. I’m a hard and late sleeper so… I have just been thinking about it constantly all day and I can’t get it out mind and I get nerve around the two of them. I don’t know how to face them and I don’t want to be like this forever. And there is no around here I can talk to.

I’m sorry but your story sounds convoluted. They knew you were in the bed in the same room. The turning of your head had no effect in stopping what you believe you saw. Yet a “sound” in the hallway made them abruptly get dressed…? Again I’m not buying it. There is a lot you are leaving out either because it is made up or dreamed.

If it DID happen as you say, then this was definitely not their first time. Knowing you were in the room and that they could be “caught” only heightened the excitement. Whomever their parent is probably already knows of their physical attraction to each other and may not condone it but has done nothing to prevent it. They probably figure it is best that it is kept “in house” as long as no harm is coming to either one.

If you have an attitude that it is immoral I don’t condone that either. But telling your parents won’t prevent it from happening again. Perhaps it would be best for you to seek the advice of a neutral party such as a counselor. I wish you peace.