relationship help: Hello, I hope someone on here can advise me on this situation. - Help.com

Hello, I hope someone on here can advise me on this situation.

Recently I started a relationship for the first time in nearly 4 years. We’ve been together 3 and a half months now. The problem I’m having though started about 2 months back: She was at mine and we were having a good time, playing games, watching films, play fighting…things literally couldn’t have felt more comfortable. Then she got a text from what she called, “a very old friend”. Now she hadn’t seen this friend in a long time apparently and got very excited about going into town and meeting him. To be completely honest I trusted her and nothing crossed my mind in a suspicious way (to this day i still don’t know if they met up) So 2 weeks passed and everything was going great still, until I got this phone call late one night. It was her, crying her eyes out saying how she apparently felt like she betrayed my trust and went behind my back. We spoke for hours, she tells me she hadn’t met up with him, although i remember she said she was going to the first time he contacted her, that same night, either way. He apparently wanted nothing more than sex and she said she had only just realised that and feels bad to me. I still didn’t have a problem, she can talk to who ever she likes right? I said if it upsets you that much, why don’t you just tell him you would like to be his friend and nothing more, so she did. Things didn’t go right from what i could tell and she promised me she wouldn’t contact him any more or ever meet up with him. Now considering all I knew of this whole matter was “her old friend was trying to have sex with her” I really didn’t see much threat at all, although for a good two weeks she used the phrase “you should see him as a threat”…I still didn’t give a hoot and forgot about it all a week later, knowing she wouldn’t cheat or even consider it.

That was then, since then our relationship has had ups, and downs. For the past month she has been acting differently, immature, needy, winy etc and it has put me off her a ton. Being my first proper relationship and being 22 years old I thought this was all worth fighting for, so last weekend I took her out to the other side of the country and we stayed in a hotel and I took her to go see Blink 182, her lifelong favourite band, and of course one of mine too! I had a great weekend and she insisted that it was what we needed.
It turned into a disaster though, she left her phone unlocked on the bed next to me, and it went off. Now I have never been through anyone’s personal belongings before and i trusted her, but as she wasn’t in the room I picked it up and went to give it to her. Then i saw it was this same guy texting her again, as the phone was already open on the conversation I couldn’t help but read the words “last time we hung out was awesome, let’s do it again” Now to cut a very long weekend short, it turns out he isn’t just an “old friend” he was her ex, he cheated on her, used her and made her feel **** for 2 years by leading her on, and a month or two before she met me she decided it was enough, and that she found out he had another girlfriend the entire time. Now he’s only texting her because he split up with the other girlfriend, apparently. She had been speaking to him for months, and she promised me nothing had happened and she hadn’t meet up with him. She still denies all evidence of still having small feelings for him, but the texts i saw were disgraceful, it made me look like a complete idiot with it all going on behind my back. She was texting him while she was with me most the time, about things that are personal, giving him more affection etc. Flirting at it’s highest. And the cherry on the already baked cake is, a month ago she went through all my messages from 2010 to may 2012 on facebook looking for evidence to see if i was flirting with other girls. Was this to make her feel better about what she was doing? She found nothing…of course she didn’t, I loved her and didn’t feel the need to speak to other women other than my friends. But the cheek of accusing me of talking to other women when it was her doing it, annoyed me beyond reason. I still don’t know if they’ve met up, she knew exactly what he wanted, he told her, so why would she even consider it? He’s not the problem here, she is (if you ask me) and she said after waiting for the bus a few times to meet him, she decided everytime not to. Lies or truth though? I dont know. Well I’ve told her I want to give it a week while I think about it. Hard thing is she is even more upset now because she starts her new job in a few days and it’s in my town not hers, so she would be living at mine 4 days a week. I personally feel completely different about her, especially as she keeps threatening to not start her new (amazing) job if I don’t stay with her. I was so comfortable around her before, and now…I can’t seem to bring myself to trust her and believe what she says, she lied to me and emotionally cheated on me for nearly our entire relationship…and she was good at hiding it too, looking back, she hasn’t let me use her phone since march (it now being june), even to see the time. She put a passlock on it when he first started texting her. Why this didn’t raise suspicion back then I just don’t know…and remembering how excited she got everytime he texted her, and now she’s denying any feelings for him, I would say that’s also pretty suspicious, and yesterday she tried convincing me he has a long term girlfriend…but that doesnt make sense if the reason he contacted her was because she left him?
Anyone got any good advise? :P I’m lost on what to do tbh.
Thanks in advance

This open post was written 11 months ago | V/U/S: 328, 8, 5 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

relationship, Completely, girlfriend, first time, Evidence, flirting, feelings, personal, Complete, Remember, Relationships, girl troubles, can i trust her (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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