* few notes:
* I’m not gonna write the names, only the first letters of the first and last names (i.e: D.E).
* Maybe some parts will be hard to read because I’ve translated that from my language into English.
* This is the actual letter that was meant to be sent 4 days ago (17th June, 2012 to my friend), I haven’t changed a word of it.
* Please don’t stop reading it in the middle, It’s really important to me.
* best regards G.S :)
Hi T, I just must talk with you about something.
It’s gonna be long, so don’t be panic, k?
Look, I know you for a long time - It’s been hard for me being myself.
I telling it to you, because you’re one of my best friends, you always accept people for who they’re.
So the thing is that you know me pretty well, I’m that kid that all is life is music.
The emotional one, who is afraid to show it.
I know that all of you know about my past, I know that In 7th grade the school staff had conversation
with everybody when they took me to hospital after I faint.
So yes, I really had cancer, I never talked about it much - It’s the hardest part of my life.
I still cry at nights thinking on that time, I was 4 years in hospital, No friends, only family.
I had one friend, I met him there (at the hospital), he died one year after I met him, just in front of my eyes.
I still have flashbacks of it, the doctor hold him in his hands, trying to help him - nothing worked out.
So since I was 10 until 17 months ago, I had no friends, not at all.
I was the weird quiet one, sitting on the school bench everyday, not talking to anybody. Just me and my headphones.
The biggest secret I hold makes me hate myself even more.
The secret is that I fall in-love too fast, too hard. But not like everybody, I fall in love in boys.
Yes, I am gay. Nobody ever suspected or noticed it.
I’m not like the gays you see on TV, I just love boys and that’s it.
You’ll probably be shocked to read it, yes, I’m in-love with at least 4 different guys, we always hang-out with them.
It’s M.E, M.P, A.A and D.E.
The problem is… When I was on my vacation few days ago, I started talking with D.E.
We talked about 30 minutes, and then he told me that he’s battery is running off.
So he gave me his girlfriend number and we continued talking there…
When I came back home, I’ve started talking with his girlfriend, B.L - You know her, right?
Since then we talk everyday for 5 hours (me and B.L), and the unexpected happened, I fell in love with her.
So I’m in love love with a girl, and I’m also in love with her boyfriend.
Please, I hope you won’t show it to someone, we both know the outcome of it.
The society is a killer, look at M.S as soon as he told he’s gay, everybody hates him.
I don’t want to be there, not again.
I don’t want to get into the days I was sitting at home while everybody was at pool parties and having fun.
Now I’m what I wanted to be, The ones I calling them jerks.
Jerks because they had what they want, friends, girls and anything.
So this is what I do what you hate the most, this is why I started drinking, walking we the guys you hate.
I know they’re not good, I that there’s a good reason for you to hate them.
But that’s what keeps me being the jerk I wanted to be.
I thing that scares me is that I started drinking alone. Not to show I’m a “man” in front of the guys,
Because I’m actually doing it to forget who am I. The one I hate.
I know you hate when people are doing it, but you most understand in what situation I am in.
Remember when few weeks ago we were alone and you asked me: “Why you mean by saying you aren’t your ‘true-self’” ?
So maybe this message will answer your question, I’m the guy who became the jerk he wanted to be.
And now he hates it.
Because being the jerk I’ve wanted to be is not actually me.
And how can I write something without finishing it with my signature :)
We both now I love music so here’s a song that will sum it up:
“At the end of it all, you’re still my best friend.
But there’s something inside that I need to release.
Which way is right, which way is wrong.
how do I say that I need to move on.
You know we’re headed separate ways. ” - Alex Clare, Too close :))))))
P.S, Yeah that’s why I was talking without stop about B.L, SHE’S HOT - LOL, too bad she and D.E aren’t opened for threesome :)
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