Family help: I think my older sister hates me. - Help.com

I’m so sorry about that, family can be rough. I have a somewhat similar relationship with my sister, but we just don’t really talk. She hasn’t been home much since 8th grade, and I just always feel like she hates me and looks down on me.
She used to be really mean when I was a kid. When I talk to family they tell me that she just really loves me and wants the best for me. We say she has a “tone of voice” problem and she’s very brutally honest, so that probably makes her seem more mean.
I talked to my mom recently and she told me that when I was young, I was a really easy child and my sister was a lot more difficult to deal with and she had to be punished more often.
She was really awkward and chubby with round glasses, and I was blonde, thin, and pretty. My mom says that some of it was probably jealousy. That could be the case with you. I’m not sure.

Your sister is probably joking about the ugly thing, and with everything else, I just don’t know, I’m going to try to talk to my sister this summer. Maybe she’ll tell me she loves me.

I think that you should take some time to write letters to your sister, or other people in your family.
You don’t need to send them, it can just be really good to let everything out.

And maybe just write for a while and try to figure out your sister and your relationship with her.
If you’re feeling brave, ask her about it, be honest with her.

Maybe if you tell me more about her and your family, I could offer some better advice. I’m really sorry they laughed at you. College will be really good for you - for both of us. We’ll have freedom and we’ll meet lots of new friends.

Sorry that was so long!

meisabelep wrote:
I’m so sorry about that, family can be rough. I have a somewhat similar relationship with my sister, but we just don’t really talk. She hasn’t been home much since 8th grade, and I just always feel like she hates me and looks down on me.
She used to be really mean when I was a kid. When I talk to family they tell me that she just really loves me and wants the best for me. We say she has a “tone of voice” problem and she’s very brutally honest, so that probably makes her seem more mean.
I talked to my mom recently and she told me that when I was young, I was a really easy child and my sister was a lot more difficult to deal with and she had to be punished more often.
She was really awkward and chubby with round glasses, and I was blonde, thin, and pretty. My mom says that some of it was probably jealousy. That could be the case with you. I’m not sure.

Your sister is probably joking about the ugly thing, and with everything else, I just don’t know, I’m going to try to talk to my sister this summer. Maybe she’ll tell me she loves me.

I think that you should take some time to write letters to your sister, or other people in your family.
You don’t need to send them, it can just be really good to let everything out.

And maybe just write for a while and try to figure out your sister and your relationship with her.
If you’re feeling brave, ask her about it, be honest with her.

Maybe if you tell me more about her and your family, I could offer some better advice. I’m really sorry they laughed at you. College will be really good for you - for both of us. We’ll have freedom and we’ll meet lots of new friends.

I’m sorry for your relationship with your sister. I really hope that talk with your sister works out. My parents don’t even try to make excuses for mine. I can see how your sister would be jealous of you, but people used to think we were twins when we were younger. Now, if anybody should be jealous, it should be me. My sister is amazing looking, and i’m kind of the awkward one. I know she’s not joking because you can always tell when she is joking. I really like the letters idea. I think I might just do that. I don’t know if I’m brave enough to give them to her, but I think it might really help. Thank you so much for everything. I hope everything works out with you and your sister.

meisabelep wrote:
Sorry that was so long!

No problem. I really appreciate it.

Oh I’m so sorry you have to deal with her negative attitude. Being a parent of 4 kids all adults now I’m guilty of the same thing your parents are doing. “did never laugh at one of them for crying or complaining thou” that was insensitive.

For parents we just want peace in the home and it is so natural for sibblings to do what is happening in your home and for the parents to just want everyone to get along and not make issues of these things.

I see now years later having many conversations mainly with my 2 daughters of how they look back and tell me how much it hurt them and felt like I was not listening to them or even cared. That hurt and I relize how it hurt them and affected them. I see it now but did not then.

So as a parent I want to say I’m sorry they don’t address her behavior and set bondaries for her behaviour towards you. i know I did with my kids but it still was not bullet proof!

My two daughters are 27 and 22 and right now they are both staying with me. The 3 of us can set back now and laugh about all this “especially after I had to apologize like a thousand times”!

They still do these things to each other. Not as bad but they do.

One daughter thinks the other one is just jealous of her and the other daughter just thinks the other one is just so mean. They are both beautiful girls and have good friends that they treat their friends great.

Now they can sit back and talk about these incidences in the past and laugh about it then the next minute do it all over again. It’s like it does not end! And they do love each other but sometimes can’t stand each other.

You are not alone and I know this does not help but it is so natural for sibblings to be like this. Sometimes I think it’s the old saying we hurt those we love when we are unhappy. We attack those we love the most.

One day the two of you will look back and laugh about it but probably after you cry and tell her how hurtful she was to you!

I wish I could say something more encouraging and wish your parents paid more attention and concern on how her behavior is making you feel. As adults we are guilty of minimizing the feelings of our children at times.

This does not make it right or wrong just that we are learning to as we raise our kids. I think we get it by the time we become Grand Parents….not that this helps either.

You will be on your own soon and will be able to choose not to be around her. And when you are you will have your own space to leave and let her know you don’t want to be around her if she is going to treat you meanly…

Hang in there you will be away from it soon. And good luck….chin up and smile and try not to listen to what she says and react to it! The more she knows she can get to your by doing these hurtful things the more she will do it!

You could tie her up with toliet paper when she is sleeping use permanent markers on her face to write all the names she calls you! JUST KIDDING! Well maybe not…..lol. Actually have pictures in our family album of my daughter doing this to her sister thou!

Smile and don’t listen to her she is only taking her frustrations out on you and she could very likely be jealous of you….sounds silly but sisters do do this! One day your relationship will be good and you will stick by each other instead of fighting and being cruel……

I’m really sorry your family are like that, unfortunately you can’t chose your family I’ve had my fair share of problems with mine that’s why I moved out when I was 18, your sister sounds like a bit of a cow don’t mind me saying so because I’m sure you’re not ugly at all, has she got any nice qualities about her at all? Have you two ever had any nice moments where you’ve laughed till it hurts? or confided in each other? My sister can be a bit harsh to me to but she’s looking out for me and we have banter where we’ll insult each other and stuff maybe your sister’s doing the same?

trentlover20 wrote:
I’m really sorry your family are like that, unfortunately you can’t chose your family I’ve had my fair share of problems with mine that’s why I moved out when I was 18, your sister sounds like a bit of a cow don’t mind me saying so because I’m sure you’re not ugly at all, has she got any nice qualities about her at all? Have you two ever had any nice moments where you’ve laughed till it hurts? or confided in each other? My sister can be a bit harsh to me to but she’s looking out for me and we have banter where we’ll insult each other and stuff maybe your sister’s doing the same?

We used to be like that. Sometimes it still is like that, but most of the time she is just plain mean to me. I never tell her my secrets anymore because I know, from past experiences, that if I tell her something she will blackmail me with it to get what she wants or tell everybody else when she’s mad at me. I don’t trust her anymore, even though I wish I could.