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katierenee0 edited this post 11 months ago. Read the previous text »
I cut myself for the first time tonight. I usually just hit myself bit this is bad. I did it on my wrists. I don’t know why I did this. I’ve been fantasizing about it for quite a while and noone I did. There is so much going on. I feel so worthless. I just want an out. I’m borderline and bipolar. Will I ever overcome this??
I don’t know what’s wrong with me… I started doing it too, just recently. Scoring lines into my shoulder… It feels like a burning sensation afterwards… I’m scared I’ll do something worse to myself. I want to stop feeling this way, I really do… but the only thing I can think of to make it stop is to sleep and never awaken… I’m scared of that too…
Do not ever let yourself cut again. Your life will improve if you take steps to change it and make yourself happy. You can overcome it.
Post a replyi am in couseling but i feel hopeless that I will always be borderline.
You need to tell someone you did this because if you don’t this will be an addictive problem that will spiral out of control I’ve been there I know struggled with it for many years and thankfully I don’t do it anymore but I’m still left with the horrendous scars and memories :( is there someone you can talk to about this or if not call a helpline? Yes you will overcome this, I did and so many other people have it just takes discipline and will, things will get better for you it will just take time but if you self harm again things will only get worse.
Its a thrill. I’m.afraid if i tell they will put me back in the mental hospital.
katierenee0 wrote:
Post a replyi am in couseling but i feel hopeless that I will always be borderline.
No you won’t other people before you have made amazing recoveries and have come through the other side they call it “recover borderline” I think, but if they can do it so can you, your first step is to talk to your counsellor, also are you on any medication?
I did call a helpline. I’m watching a movie now but I’m.also ashamed I did this.
katierenee0 wrote:
I did call a helpline. I’m watching a movie now but I’m.also ashamed I did this.
Is there a family member you can tell about this? anyone at all?
Borderline personality disorder … Not really anyone worth trusting
katierenee0 wrote:
Its a thrill. I’m.afraid if i tell they will put me back in the mental hospital.
If this is the first time you’ve cut yourself I doubt they will, when i was nearly sent to a hospital it had been months of self harm and a couple of attempted suicides.
katierenee0 wrote:
Borderline personality disorder … Not really anyone worth trusting
Are you on any medication at all?
I attempted suicide recently… And was in the hospital for a month
Prozac, tegretol, ativan,
katierenee0 wrote:
Prozac, tegretol, ativan,
Maybe you need to go to a doctor to discuss taking a different medication i’ve heard that taking the wrong medication can make you even worse than before, I’m on Escitalopram it raises the Seratonin levels in my brain which keeps me positive.
Are you still suicidal now? If so you need to talk to somebody your life is not worth throwing away no matter how bad it may seem things will get better it’s inevitable. As for the cuts on your wrists put Savlon on them so they don’t scar and if they’re sore run a cold tap under them.
But why isn’t it worth throwing away. I’m so miserable. Never going to get what i want out of life.
and what do you want out of life?
katierenee0 wrote:
But why isn’t it worth throwing away. I’m so miserable. Never going to get what i want out of life.
Life is a gift, every glass of water you drink that slates your thirst, every meal you eat which makes you full and satisfies your hunger, every sunset you see everyday, the summer breeze in the air, the cold winter nights where you’re warm and safe in your home drinking hot chocolate or tea, movies, music, christmas, birthdays, relationships, friendships I could go on and on trust me it is better to be alive than dead.
What do you mean never going to get what you want out of life? what do you want out of life? what do you aspire to be? what do you want to do?
I honestly dont know anymore. I don’t know who I am.
katierenee0 wrote:
I honestly dont know anymore. I don’t know who I am.
there must be something you like or something you want to do
Not anymore. I’m tired of doing what everyone else wants me to do. I don’t think I’ll ever be a high functioning adult.
You have to change your attitude. Have a little faith in yourself.
I know. I’m in a downward spiral. Negative thinking. I’m trying to use positive coping skills but i just wanna go cut again.
No, no, no. Don’t hurt yourself. You must be kind to yourself :) You deserve to be treated well and you are the only one who can ensure that you are.
You think nice things about yourself and be careful not to do things that you might regret later.
katierenee0 wrote:
How do I do that?
Think of things that make you happy, think of all the things you have to look forward to and try and keep on the positive side also go and see a doctor if you’re feeling like this and maybe the best option is to go on a different medication or try a different method of counselling, treat yourself once in a while go and buy some clothes, maybe go to the salon and get your hair and nails done, maybe meet up with a friend for lunch or coffee, spend some time with your family, watch a film that cheers you up but do not self harm it’s not the way.
I’m going to try. Thanks. I took my night meds so I’m getting sleepy. Thanks for talking with me.
Anonymous
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10 months, 4 weeks ago (1 hour, 11 minutes after post)
Hey, I used to do this. I tried to kill myself once. Cutting IS NOT a way out. I’ve talked about it with friends, and it was worse, for me. When I let people know… Oh I felt so ashamed… I don’t know why you’re trying to do this, but somebody told me that humans only try suicide when they can’t change something. And it’s true… But suicide won’t change anything either. Nor will self-harm. Just forget about it. Forget what you did, pretend it never happened. It’s already done. Now all you have to do is preventing. Do not allow this. You’re stronger than you think. If you believe in God, pray. If you believe in music, listen to your favorite songs, or create one, or sing. If you believe in art, try drawing something, or painting. If you have a dream, don’t give up. If you’re disappointed, get over it. Almost nothing in life is permanent. If you can’t have an specific thing you want, change your mind. This world is so beautiful, so big… So many places, so many things to know… Now, when I feel bad, I listen my favorite songs. One of them says: “You’ll never take me alive, do what it takes to survive ’cause I’m still here”. Do you know why I want to be here? Because I want to prove I’m strong, I’ll show myself I can do it. I told myself I would get better and I will. I want this. You may think you’re worthless, but we all are worth it. I will survive and you will too. Don’t forget… Death is permanent. You don’t know what you’re missing when you give up. Stay here, be alive. IT IS worthwhile.
Please listen to trentlover20 she knows what she is talking about and everything she has said here is true..I have never experienced any of this myself but have with those I love. My x is bipolar-ocd with tourettes-my oldest son is epeleptic- bipolar-ocd my oldest daughter had tourettes and ocd I wish I had a magical wand to wave over all of you but its not like that…listen to what trent is saying and it appers you are im glad you came here and she saw your post……being a part of all the above mentioned people in my life that has several I have been there with them and have experienced the challenges they face everyday it breaks my heart….but they have and continue to make it through each day and go forward with their lifes…it only gets easier “if thats what I can call it” with them getting a doctor who takes the time to evaluate and listen to you..like trent said try other meds i know all the ones you mentioned…they all work differant for everyone. There is not going to be a magical one but there will be one that helps better then the other…hang in and please don’t cut….and get back into the doctor and please don’t attempt suicide. People are here that have gone thru this and if they commited suicide they would not be here right now for you……..stay in touch here please and listen….I will be praying for you to have strength and the courage to go forward and live a productive life. If you research people in history who have the same thing you do they were amazing accomplished people who had an incredible intelligence and other gifts that sat them apart and they changed many lifes by being who they were…..God Bless Sweety and chin up deap inside find yourself and never be ashamed you are not alone…
trentlover20 wrote:
katierenee0 wrote:
How do I do that?
Think of things that make you happy, think of all the things you have to look forward to and try and keep on the positive side also go and see a doctor if you’re feeling like this and maybe the best option is to go on a different medication or try a different method of counselling, treat yourself once in a while go and buy some clothes, maybe go to the salon and get your hair and nails done, maybe meet up with a friend for lunch or coffee, spend some time with your family, watch a film that cheers you up but do not self harm it’s not the way.
Oh no, okay did you felt any satisfaction on your first time, like a huge relife? If you did, this may make you to keep on doing it. You should not continue to do it. If you do, should talk to close family or friend/ seek help.
My bf is sitting next to me. I want to tell him but I like the thrill of it.. will he notice? Cutting myself takes the pain away. I’m so torn up inside.
YYeah told him. I feel worse than I did before. I’m so done
You are only hurting yourself doing the cutting! People around won’t understand and will see you like insecured and just wanting attention. Some won’t even take you serious and may want to not even be around you..I know makes no sense but it’s the facts.
Trentlover20 do you have any feed back on katiernee0 post?????
Are the specific support groups out there for cutting that you can talk to???
Whats better the feel of cutting?
Or the feeling of being loved and respected from those who you love and love you?
I won’t cut again. My bf only saw it as me wanting attention and won’t hardly talk to me. That’s not what i wanted. I wish I never told him. I was just hurting so bad that i chose to hurt myself instead of focus on positive coping skills. I see that now. Will these cuts Goooooooo away? I feel so marked, so ashamed that I gave in to negative thinking and cut myself. However, they remind me to focus on positive coping skills. I cleaned and painted my toenails yesterday along with some.extra sleep and meditation. I want to get better…its just going to be a long hard journey and I’m just getting started. Thank you all for your love and support even though you don’t know me.
nolater wrote:
You are only hurting yourself doing the cutting! People around won’t understand and will see you like insecured and just wanting attention. Some won’t even take you serious and may want to not even be around you..I know makes no sense but it’s the facts.
Trentlover20 do you have any feed back on katiernee0 post?????
Are the specific support groups out there for cutting that you can talk to???
Whats better the feel of cutting?
Or the feeling of being loved and respected from those who you love and love you?
The first step to wanting to give up anything, self harm, drugs, alcohol is to admit you have a problem and that it’s only making your life worse and the only way to improve your life is to cut it out, some ppl can’t see this because they refuse to believe there is a problem because if there’s a problem it can require a lot of effort trying to solve it.
katiernee0 you may not realise it but the way you’re thinking and the things you’re doing and feeling won’t last forever in a year or so you could be over the worst of this like I said people with your condition recover and live normal healthy lives but not they don’t get this by not trying, you need to want to try to help yourself otherwise you’re just gonna go on a downward spiral I’ve been on one and it’s not nice at all, thanks to my downward spiral of self harm, alcohol abuse and attempted suicides in my teen years my family have only JUST regained their trust for me and I’m 21 years old it’s taken me seven years to gain their trust. If you feel like you’ve tried everything you need to try something you’ve never done before that could help you, there isn’t just one form of therapy there’s loads and there are different medications you can try, meditation does wonders for the mind and soul I do it sometimes when things get too much in my brain, have you spoken to your boyfriend seriously about your BPD? what does he think of it?
katierenee0 wrote:
I won’t cut again. My bf only saw it as me wanting attention and won’t hardly talk to me. That’s not what i wanted. I wish I never told him. I was just hurting so bad that i chose to hurt myself instead of focus on positive coping skills. I see that now. Will these cuts Goooooooo away? I feel so marked, so ashamed that I gave in to negative thinking and cut myself. However, they remind me to focus on positive coping skills. I cleaned and painted my toenails yesterday along with some.extra sleep and meditation. I want to get better…its just going to be a long hard journey and I’m just getting started. Thank you all for your love and support even though you don’t know me.
It’s good that you meditate and that you’re keeping a positive attitude you need to work on this daily find things to look forward to, have a bit of romantic time with your bf also as for getting rid of the scars I hear cocoa butter helps, how scarred are you? Are they recent cuts? If so put Savlon on them and I don’t think you’ll scar as bad but it depends on how deep they are, do not self harm again because it will become and addiction you can’t stop, next time you feel like self harming talk to your bf or distract yourself by watching a film, writing down how you feel, poetry, punching a pillow or listening to music these are all things I did to stop self harming.
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