Feeling help: I feel so lonely… - Help.com

-Sparrowhawk- wrote:
You may find this video useful: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZ…

I am similar. I don’t get lonely so much, but I find that when I’m in a crowd or around people for a long time I can become overwhelmed.
It is possible to be happy and alone. You just need to discover what really makes you happy and nurture that happiness. Loneliness, however, is something you should avoid.

Perhaps you could seek a balance: make sure you have enough time for you to be alone and at peace, but also encourage enough social interaction or activity so that you’re not feeling lonely.

You say you’ve been doing everything right - things are right if they make you and others happy. What is right for me may not be right for you. Do not live your life trying to be someone others want you to be or trying to fit some kind of stereotype. Making others happy and caring for them is important, but to do so effectively I think you first need to be comfortable and happy with who you are and how you live.

I hope some (if any) of this was useful. I’m sorry to hear that you’re lonely, it’s a rough thing to experience.

Thank you, for your help! I agree with you about having a balance of being alone, and not being alone. I’m lacking a balance which could also be why I’m overwhelmed, and stressed. I guess it’s up to me to figure out when I should be alone. I just need to find a way to let people know that I’m not just ignoring/using them. I just need to figure out how to tell them that sometimes I don’t feel like talking/hanging out. I also thank you for that video, its seems over these past few years I have lost sight of how to enjoy time by myself.

Thanks again!

president mindhealer wrote:

Any advice?

Studies have shown that hot baths can cure loneliness.
Here’s info about that: http://www.scientificamerican.com/pod…

A hot bubble bath sounds great, along with a massage, some music, and some meditation. Thanks again mindhealer :D

-Sparrowhawk- wrote:

It may help to tell people that you need time to be alone. Most people I know are aware that I’m an introverted person, and they are kind enough to give me space. Some people may take it the wrong way, but it can be useful just to assure people that you’re not seeking to ignore them or be rude, you just need space and time to recharge.

Time alone can be some of the best time you have. I personally love being alone, and work best and get a lot done when I’m by myself =) But I am a real loner, so maybe I’m not the best person to take advice from =P Glad to have been of help.

Wow this, I completely understand. The only problem is people don’t know that I’m introverted… I’ve gone so long without telling anyone, and just trying to act like I’m not. Clearly, that was the wrong approach. All of my friends think that I’m wicked outgoing and not shy at all, so even after I tell them I am shy they don’t believe me. I don’t know where to begin with them, or how to tell them, so I just haven’t done it… They probably think I’m shady :/

Do you know the best way to tell them?

I agree with the last part as well. I used to be by myself most of the time, and be okay with it. I had so much to do when I was alone, now I don’t for some odd reason, and I even feel ashamed of being alone sometimes. I’ve been judged a lot by my siblings for not having/developing my own relationships. I guess this is why over the years I’ve begun to act like I’m outgoing, and confuse people.

Space Weaver wrote:

Space Weaver wrote:
cherish the time to yourself. if you have to be alone then it’s better to feel alone in your own solitute then to feel alone while in a group.

hope that little bit helped you some

…yeah I kinda had a feeling this wan’t enough:/

:/

Don’t feel that way… I’m sorry I didn’t respond to you, what you said was agreeable. I just didn’t know what to say.

I don’t mean to sound rude but:

Divinekyuub wrote:
“Get over it, not everyone gets what they want that’s life.” -You
I understand your feelings of loneliness, but I saw your reply on that other persons post about their eyes, and feeling ugly can make someone feel just as unhappy or depressed as feeling lonely can.

What I said I believe to be true in regards to physical features. You will never be the best looking, you will never be able to please everyone with your looks, and that’s life. Therefore, I feel like that is justified, that’s my opinion which I am entitled to. I agree that feeling ugly probably could feel as unhappy as lonliness, but the poster was not talking about being ugly, they were complaining about their eyes.

Divinekyuub wrote:
I’m not trying to be mean at all. :/ I know that post was a long time ago, but still. Don’t be mean to other people about their own insecurities when you have insecurities yourself. It just kind of upsets me when I see that sort of thing. I do hope you feel less lonely soon and become happier.

The post and reply was a long time ago… So I don’t understand why you would go through my replies just to complain about what I’ve said in the past. Why didn’t you address that then? Maybe it could have helped the poster, smh. I’m pretty sure I’ve changed a great deal since then as well, so for you to come on my post and talk about the past annoys me. However, I agree that perhaps I could have responded differently, more positively, but I didn’t and I can’t change that. If I can let me know what more can I do? Also let me know if you’re a saint?

I would also like you to take the time (since you looked at a negative reply), to find a positive one (since it seems you’ve spent a great deal of time on my profile already). I’m sure it wouldn’t waste too much of your time, considering you’ve already spent a while looking for that one particular reply :D

In any case, thanks for your 2 cents, it really matters :) But I’m sure you would have felt better off helping another user, agreed?

alright:) here let me say some more. you know sometimes you have to wait awhile to really discover what your both good at and what you feel you are destine to do. sometimes we go looking for answers and don’t find any, but really we have to wait for them to find us. well actually it can be the other way around (have to go looking) when that happens you have to look EVERYWHERE, even places you don’t normally look at or think would benefit you, as you’d be surprised in what you will encounter. it took me nearly a decade for me to discover what I have to do, im in the process of chasing that dream now but it took awhile to discover it.

I know what you’re saying. However, my problem is whenever I have went after what I wanted directly it backfied (particularly in relationships). So what I’ve been used to is letting things fall into place. If they cards don’t fall in my favor I have to just deal with it. I know that isn’t probably the best approach thinking baout now. I should fight for what I want, but I’m just afraid that I will fail trying you know? But, do tell me your journey towards dicovering your dream?

president mindhealer wrote:
I wanted to help you be less lonely, that’s why I said “friend” and “hi” like right to you on that Word post the other day. and “shy” was about this post too. I don’t think it helped much, but at least it was a try.

I had no idea lol, but yes atleast you did try.

-Sparrowhawk- wrote:

I am very lucky, I think. Most of my friends are perceptive enough to know that time by myself is what I need =) A few of them are introverted also, so they tend to understand me better than the ones who are not.
I try to be friendly, so I doubt many new friends of mine would know I’m actually very reserved =) You shouldn’t need to feel that you need to act in any way contrary to how you truly feel and who you truly are. Needing quiet time isn’t something to be ashamed of.

A couple of times I have needed to tell people that I require space. The best method for me was the most honest and kind. I just told these people that sometimes I feel overwhelmed and drained when I’m around too many people or when I spend too much time interacting with others, and I need to take some time out to recharge. I reassured them that it wasn’t any negative reflection on our relationship, it’s just part of who I am. Essentially, I tried to be as considerate and polite as I could be.

The last part of what you said resonated with me so much. I am still able to spend time by myself and be productive, but I have always been judged by others because I’ve had fewer relationships, particularly romantic ones. Eventually I learned not to focus on what they think =) It’s your life, not your siblings’ or anyone who judges you. Be your own judge before you think about the judgement of others. Be the wonderful self you were meant to be. Look for people who will appreciate your awesomeness and understand that you need time alone sometimes. And don’t try to hide who you are or what you need, otherwise you’ll never really be happy.

I plan on letting everyone know about my personality when I can. My only problem is how they are going to react. I have a feeling they might get offended by me telling them, but I guess I don’t know if I don’t try. But yeah, my thing is also that I don’t have friends like me lol, I never did. They are all extroverted and truthfully I’ve always been more drawn those types of people; ones who are more open, outgoing, and crazier than me. Though, I’ve always longed for that one friend that I could just have a deep intellectual talk with.

I wish I was extroverted because I think it would be easier, yet I can’t even imagine being that way. And the fact that I try so hard to be someone I’m not has definitely hindered my relationships in many ways. I end up resorting to material things in hopes of attracting attention to myself. People have such the wrong idea about me, and it’s a shame. I want the qualities of an extrovert, but when I act a certain way, I just feel so uncomfortable. I think people see that, and that’s why it’s hard for me to develop new relationships. I’ve become so awkward!

But anyways (I feel like I’m getting off track here lol), I will try to take your advice, you know just be myself. That will be the hardest part because I care too much about what people think/say or don’t say, that’s also a shame. Hopefully, it’ll get easier for me each day to just accept myself for who I am, rather than trying to change in order to please everyone. I want a new beginning this summer, I mean college is straight ahead, I need to get myself together. The only problem is finding where to start I guess.

Anyways, I really appreciate your feedback! I’m glad there is someone else I can relate to :)

president mindhealer wrote:
That’s like giving you a penny if your problem is that you need money. I saw something interesting when I browsed for “how to overcome loneliness”. One of the first articles said things like, “Thought-patterns are a far better predictor of loneliness than awkwardness, amount of friends, or social skills.” I have no idea exactly what it was saying, but just the word “awkward” was really coincidental, and I saw other intelligent things out there that I wouldn’t expect. All these words are just to point out that there’s interesting stuff out there, I don’t know it all.

Oh, I know what you’re talking about. I look up self-help article all the time, and vow to follow them (I never do). So just now, I looked up how to overcome lonliness, and found something on eHow that magnified all of my personal issues. Maybe you can help?

Problem 1: “Realize that we all get lonely. It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. We’re particularly prone to loneliness when we’re making transitions, especially for the better. If you’re changing in ways such as exploring new alternatives and paths for yourself, you’re bound to get a little lonely as you look for people who share your new interests and thoughts.”
How I feel: I feel like the only lonely girl in the world.

Problem 2: “Challenge yourself to take the initiative in social relationships. Don’t wait for people to approach you. You approach people. Ask the person if they want to chat or get a coffee. Remember how much you like it when people are attracted to you. Remember though, that you are trying to make a place for yourself in another person’s life. Do not think that just showing up will win you instant friends. It can be a long, painstaking process and most people you meet already have their own friends and lives. You must always show interest in other people before they will show interest in you, if they ever do.”
How I feel: I’m afraid to take the initiative :(

Problem 3: “Call or get together with the people you know. Even if they aren’t who you want to be with right now, human contact makes establishing more contact easier. This includes your mother and the guy at the deli counter. Do more listening than talking. Listening and drawing people out will deepen your contacts more than just talking endlessly about yourself. Do not exhaust your existing connections; these are all you have at the moment.”
How I feel: If I don’t want to be around them at that moment, then what’s the point? That just makes me a user.

Problem 4: “Take risks about revealing yourself. Say what’s on your mind if it seems at all likely the other person will be receptive. It can hurt when it backfires, but the rewards far outweigh the risks.”
How I feel: It’s backfired many a time.

Problem 5: “Do everything you would normally do with a partner or friend. Many times it isn’t the partner or friend you are missing, but the activities and hobbies you shared. Take yourself out for a date. For example, if you would have gone out to dinner or to a movie on a date, then take yourself out to a movie or to a nice restaurant. Don’t hold yourself back. It is not strange to be by yourself and out doing things!”
How I feel: I’m secretly ashamed of being seen out in public alone :(

Problem 6: “Don’t allow yourself to wallow in your loneliness. Do anything to get your mind off it. Take a walk, ride your bike or read a book. Explore activities and hobbies, and don’t be afraid to try new things. Having experience gives you a basis upon which you can comment in more social situations (thus talk to more people) and strike up conversations that will interest other people.”
How I feel: Oh, I wallow in it alright…… I never find anything productive, and feel like I waste my day.

What do you think? Lol, I’m pretty sure it’s a psychological problem at this point, what would you advise?

Oh, so much to read so little time! I hope I didn’t overwhelm you mindhealer D:

Lol it’s fine, take your time, and even if you don’t feel like it, that’s fine too. I knew that was a lot in one day. That was like 5 more posts for you to read in one.