friends help: Huge mess and I feel very guilty (this might be long and a bit confusing, sorry) - Help.com



This post left anonymously

Huge mess and I feel very guilty (this might be long and a bit confusing, sorry)

My friends don’t like my boyfriend, because they know he’s not been exactly “boyfriend of the year” to me… ever. My boyfriend and I have had many problems with trust, jealousy, and even control issues from his part, he’s also a bit vindictive, and I’m not good at bottling my emotions son when he has messed up and I need support, I’ve gone to my friends. Thus, they dislike him, and even more so, because he’s made clear he doesn’t like them back.

One of my friends, a guy, is seeing (or was) one of his friends, a girl. The thing is, some time ago my boyfriend tried to make me jealous by being very close to this girl, showing a lot of interest, and she’s a very friendly person so she also became very close and “interested” in my boyfriend. This made me feel like second best, insecure, etc. The other day my guy friend started telling me about her and I mentioned what my boyfriend had done.

My friend got really upset that my boyfriend would do that to me, so the next day, he started telling bad things about my boyfriend to one of the other girl’s friends. The girl’s friend told her, and then she told my boyfriend what my guy friend had said. My boyfriend and I got into a big argument, but now it’s settled.

I talked to my guy friend, however, and he told me that he had spoken to the girl he was seeing (my boyfriend’s friend) and that they kinda had settled things, so it was all good, that it had been a misunderstanding. But then he told me that she told him he doesn’t wanna see him again. I don’t know her, but I feel really bad about all this I kinda feel it was my fault.

My friend asked me not to do anything, not to tell anything to my boyfriend or the other girl. He’s not mad at me at all, but still I feel bad, because I guess she doesn’t wanna see him again because of this. I wish there was something I could do…

This open post was written 11 months ago | V/U/S: 298, 2, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


Reciprocity (0) Reciprocation Failure -- The poster has NOT helped anyone else yet!

Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.

Post Tags (10)

boyfriend, friends, Feel, girl, guy, Misunderstanding, confusing, argument, friendly, jealousy (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

Replies (2)

Where were you?

Click and drag to move the map around. FAQ: How we place people on this map »
You can also watch events on Help.com as they happen
Mouse over the map for 2 seconds to see an expanded, interactive view

HunnyBadg3r offline Verified User (1 year, 9 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months ago (1 hour, 50 minutes after post)

Sounds like you could use some time to be single for a while….

Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators
Help me with: Answer an opinionated question for a research paper concerning cigarettes?
randomchatsmith offline Verified User (2 years, 5 months) Long Term User Shouts: 5 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months ago (7 hours, 27 minutes after post)

I had to draw some diagrams to figure out the events and people.

You know what? What future do you have (long-term) with such a person?

It feels rather sad to see girls (mostly loving, caring by nature) bemoaning about their boyfriends (who often do things that do not respect her).

Imagine this goes on. Imagine you get married to him. Imagine you have children with him. What would they learn from him? (Presuming he does not change.)

Looks like you should politely tell him about what you know as truth and ask him what he has to say. Because if he says things you are sure he is lying about, you really do not want to continue to built a future with such a person.

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs has an interesting book - Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs.

From what you both seem to be experiencing, you both are denying what is important to each other - for whatever reasons (justified or not). This is surely a very very dysfunctional relationship. And from what I read, he is *not* behaving in a way that will help you *any* bit in respecting him.

You could read a bit of it here http://www.amazon.com/Love-Respect-De….

But, just a caveat. It is a christian book. If you’d prefer some secular information, maybe we could look up that too.

YouTube has some videos of him talking.

I have found some other (christian) authors who have explained things about relationships/marriage very well. Including Gary Chapman. I could recommend books on prayer, on marriage, about marriage. But maybe this is not the point to do that. (Policies on this site and all, but I don’t know too many other sources. Sorry.)

All the best. I hope your life improves a lot here. It does seem unfair to you though. And most likely not your fault. :-/

Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators

Invite Others to Help

A logged in and verified Help.com member has the ability to setup a Friends List and invite others to help with posts.