information help: My husband is gay/bi, but won’t admit it. - Help.com



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My husband is gay/bi, but won’t admit it.

For years, even before we were married, I found clues that he was possibly gay. We exchanged email passwords, and one day (at his request) I checked his account and noticed he had a message from Craigslist from a guy saying he couldn’t wait to meet up and was having to “get off” just thinking about it. I confronted him, but he swore that it was a guy he knew for real and was messing with him. I didn’t believe it, but didn’t say anything. There was a ton more encounters like this, one even being where he gave his address out to a guy, then quickly replied back that he wasn’t interested when I confronted him. That’s been about 2 years ago. Since then, we’ve gotten married. We’re young (I’m 21 while he’s 19) but it felt right. I had pushed back all the past, and tried to believe it was all fake. It’s only gotten worse. Now, I’m finding google searches of gay porn sites and information on gay sex positions and even some stuff like how to have sex with animals. I’m at my breaking point. He has an excuse for everything, and everytime I confront him he just denies it all. If he would just admit it to me, maybe we could do the right thing and end this if he isn’t in love with me. But he just won’t, and just gets mad over it. What do I do???

This open post was written 11 months ago | V/U/S: 733, 5, 5 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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samanthapackard6 offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 11 months ago (2 hours, 3 minutes after post)

Tell him you want the truth. That you’ll still love him if he’s gay but that you can’t be in a relationship with someone if their sexual needs aren’t matched and you’re being lied to constantly. If he refuses, get out as soon as you can. It doesn’t matter what kind of sex people like but lying and keeping secrets should not be tolerated

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spiratec9 offline Verified User (5 years, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
Burnaby, BC, CA | 11 months ago (3 hours, 39 minutes after post)

you need to decide if you want to live with a gay/bi person.
And one who maybe wants to cheat on you.
Its one thing if he is up front and totally honest but to hide
it from you is not any basis for a relationship.

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Help me with: This is the most intelligent 3 year old on this planet.
Zirbel offline Verified User (2 years, 9 months) Long Term User Shouts: 4 #
An Undisclosed Location | 11 months ago (4 hours, 32 minutes after post)

Listen to your gut feeling.
Stay — or leave, and move on.
It’ up to YOU!

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teresadye200 offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 7 months ago (3 months, 3 weeks after post)

I am in a similar situation, but I got transverse myelitis about 2 years after marriage,(paralyzed partially waist down..We haven’t sleep together in 5 years. He will not admit it, but the red flags are there. I am in my forty’s and feel stuck with him now..Get out if you can, I would not have chose this for my life if I had knew before..He did make the comment that he thought it would be different with me..that should have been my choice, not his.. good luck.

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tinaalonzo8 offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 1 month ago (9 months, 3 weeks after post)

Leave while u can. Was in a similar situation, tho I ended it before we got married. He will probably never admit it. Not to u, anyone else, or even himself. He will continue to lie and cheat. I understand that it can b a very uncomfortable situation. But, he is using u, most likely because he is ashamed and doesn’t want any one to know. He probably has fits of anger and never wants to talk about how that stuff even got on ur computer. And then, most likely changed the fight to something else to make it your fault. If u stay, u will likely become sad, depressed, lonelyand miserable, if u aren’t already. There is no reason u should both b miserable just to keep his secret. Take it from someone who’s been there.

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