It’s One Extreme Or The Other…
A few months ago I posted saying that I was okay with my parents getting a divorce and how I thought it would make our live a little easier.
You could not imagine what has happened since. I don’t exactly remember when I made that post, but I’m just going to start from the beginning.
I asked my mother not too long ago to explain what was going on with her and dad and this is what she told me:
When my mother and father were newlyweds, they fought like any other couple would. But with one difference. Mom and dad would finish the argument by walking away or whatnot, and then the two of them would ignore each other until one of them apologized. At first it would be for just a few minutes, then a few hours. As their marriage progressed and they still had arguments, the time they would ignore each other progressed from a few hours to a few days, which turned into a few weeks, and over the past decade it would become a few months. This wasn’t especially hard because my father is a truck driver and works all week, so the only time he is home is for the weekends.
Mom and dad fought. We all knew about it. We were even present for a few fights. And as I got older and started to understand exactly what was going on, everything started to get worse. The name calling. The screaming. The curse words. And then mom and dad would ignore each other and then make up. They always made up. It never lasted longer than three months.
That is, until October. Mom had told dad about a year before that she wanted out of the marriage because she didn’t feel it was right for them to just act like the other didn’t exist. Dad convinced her otherwise, but was given a warning. If it ever happened again and they started ignoring each other, mom was getting a divorce. Dad PROMISED it wouldn’t happened. Well October 2011 rolls around. It was on a weekend. I truly don’t remember which. Mom was in the bathroom. Dad had gotten home earlier that day. He had had a bad week. When he walked into the bathroom, mom noticed that a hair from his eyebrow was growing towards his eye, and if not cut, would cause him irritation. Mom pointed it out to dad. He flipped. Dad was so angry about what had happened during the week, he just snapped. He literally cut his eyebrows off, cussed at mom, and stormed out. And so the ignoring begins.
Halloween rolls around. They’re still not talking. Then Thanksgiving. Then Christmas. Then Valentines day. Sill nothing. This is one of the longest times they have gone without acknowledging each other unless forced. Finally I asked mom what was going on and she told me the story that I have just written to you. She was completely honest. She told me that the marriage was over and that she and dad would likely get a divorce. I wasn’t exactly surprised. But what she did tell me was that dad was very depressed. Medically so. She suspected that if she left him now that he would harm himself. I agreed with her. I told her that I didn’t want her to stay with dad just because of me and my older sisters. She told me she had been doing that for ten years.
Another month or two rolls by and things seem to get worse. All of us are waiting. We’ve prepared ourselves for the fact that mom and dad are not going to be together anymore. And the then the biggest shocker of all seems to hit.
Out of nowhere, mom and dad are fine. Everything is peachy perfect. Except its not. Dad is extremely depressed and increasingly angry. He lashes out. I receive most of it because I’m usually the only child home on the weekends. He screamed at me over a load of laundry not too long ago. Just last weekend he and mom got into an argument and started yelling at each other over something small. The argument ended with dad storming out. He later apologized. Just on Saturday we were celebrating my sixteenth birthday and my sister’s twenty fourth. I received a digital camera for my birthday. Dad refused to let me turn it on, and forced me to read the manual first even though we were in front of guests and almost everyone was telling dad it was okay. It was humiliating.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve told mom that I’m not happy here seeing this, but she won’t let me leave and live with family members elsewhere. I feel stuck. I’m not happy. I haven’t been for a long time. And now all of this is making me feel like I won’t succeed when I am married. I’m sixteen. I’ve never had a boyfriend. I just don’t know what to do…
Since writing this post Julie Kate may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. Julie Kate is a verified member, has been around for 1 year, 11 months and has 26 posts and 339 replies to their name.
Invite Others to Help
A logged in and verified Help.com member has the ability to setup a Friends List and invite others to help with posts.