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My boyfriend and I have been together for about 11 months. Until about April, things were really wonderful. He was so loving and considerate and caring, and although he wasn’t so good at expressing his feelings, he was really good at showing me exactly how much he cared.
Then in April, we had a conversation about some of our differences, most specifically about how he is older and wants marriage and kids, and I’m not sure, and how our lifestyles are different. I saw it as an opportunity to explore those ideas, but apparently it upset him deeply. He didn’t talk to me about it, but apparently was struggling internally for weeks and then finally broke down one night and told me we should break up. We talked it through, and decided instead to stay together and try to work things through.
Since that time, though, we haven’t really talked too much about it — he often seems to avoid the conversation, or prefers not to bring it up. What’s worse, however, is that he has become much more distant. It feels like he doesn’t want to spend time together, even though we still make plans. He takes longer to respond to texts, and is less loving. Even more recently, he has become distant in the bedroom as well, saying it’s hard for him to sleep when we are holding each other — something he used to love. I normally spend Fridays and Saturdays with him, and this past weekend was our last full weekend together before I leave for a two week trip, and it seemed like he didn’t really want to spend time with me. I told him we didn’t have to spend the weekend together if he had too much to do, but he responded no, of course, I definitely want to see you.
Then last night I sort of felt overwhelmed with how distant I felt from him, so I texted him to see if he was awake (very late for me), and this morning all he replied was “nope, I wasn’t, sorry!”. Not asking what I was doing up so late or what I wanted to talk about. Nothing. We’re supposed to have one more sleepover this week, and meet up for lunch, and then spend the night together on Friday (all his ideas), but I still feel like he doesn’t want to and I’m afraid that he is doing it because he feels obligated to. I don’t even know how to broach the subject with him when we do see each other this week, because I don’t like how I become when we talk about it — I’m so insecure and subsequently I think maybe too emotional and even clingy, which is not me and not who I want to be.
At this point, I’m wondering if this is just the way that some relationships fade out into their end, and if it is just our time. But if that’s the case, why does he continue reaching out to me, and why can’t he just tell me that he is ready to move on?
I still love him and am not ready to let go, but I absolutely would if that was what he wanted — I’d rather have the closure and the chance to move forward. This middle ground, ambiguous, not-knowing situation is killing me.
What should I do?
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