This post left anonymously
I’ve hurt my girlfriend so many times by taking out my anger out on her.
She took everything by heart. This is an online relationship. I was being obsessive when I didn’t realize it. I would tell her what was right and wrong, but she would still commit the wrong. This girl really, really, loved me. She would endure the pain that would make her cry when I just couldn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t sit next to her to comfort her. I would have stopped instantly if she would have only told me how much it hurt. It was only trying to do what was best for us. I never meant to hurt her purposely. I would never do that. If I were to see tears, I’d apologize and wouldn’t leave her side until she would smile again. I really loved this girl and care about her. I have faith that this sweet innocent girl can be a tender loving person. She’s proven that to me. Except, now, her feelings for me have changed. She doesn’t love me how she used to. The last time, she wrote down somewhere, like on a status, “I think I’m in like.” I just know it was directed towards me. Now, we’ve been talking still. She doesn’t get excited or really isn’t happy to talk to me like she used to. I’ve changed. I don’t get at all angry anymore. Part of the reason why I would use anger was because, well, as strange as it may seem, I was scared of being hurt. I thought that if I were to get angry she would stop doing those things that were really bad. She didn’t though. I’ve tried to get her to talk to me like she used to. No luck though. I feel like she needs to talk to me. It’s not because she wants to, it’s because she must feel like she needs to. There have been days where she wouldn’t be online. She wanted space. I would wait and continue waiting for her throughout those days. I’ve noticed how she would come back all excited to talk to me and be all jumpy/child-like. It’s really cute. I would listen to her and everything. This would only last for that one day though. The next day, it just wasn’t the same. It would lead back to her barely talking to me again. Another thing, she gave me a second chance without me knowing about it? I didn’t even know what I was doing was wrong at the time. I figured that out because of this one song that she played (she listens to specific types of music depending on her mood). She’s not in fond with me like she used to be. So, that’s why I’ve decided, I’m going to go see her. She’s worth it. I don’t care what anybody else says. She has said that she has to marry me. She’s only recently said that she loves me again. It’s been days since she hasn’t, but I have. Always. I feel like she might not love me anymore if I am to go to her because of the way I act. I’m really shy and serious all the time. It doesn’t take much at all to impress me/make me happy. As does the same apply to her. I’m really kind, polite, and I always think of others first instead of myself. I’ve asked her if I could go to her but she said no. That she scared. I want to show my true colors. I want to show her how she shouldn’t be scared. One of her friends told me that she wouldn’t want to show her face or talk to me because she’s really insecure. She’s beautiful and not ugly at all. The only things that concern me are: What can I do on the very first day that I’m there? What can we do during the those I am with her? (Two months) What if it gets awkward? And especially, When/how can I tell her that I’m truly sorry and that I have changed? I really love this girl. I see a future with her. She doesn’t know that I’ve thought of that before. She said that she would want to have my baby. I used to be her “world.” I want to make up for all of what I’ve done. If I would have met her face to face first, none of this would be happening right now. Because she would have instantly gotten the chance to see my natural true side. I would be too scared to show my anger in front of her/nervous to talk to her. Please help me :\
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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