Ever feel out of control sometimes?
I know it sounds pathetic and emo-ish but I was watching the movie Thirteen the other day (one of my favourite films) and at the end when she’s going round on the fun-go-round and spinning and screaming it made me realise that I feel like that sometimes just like everything’s spinning around too fast and like I do lose control not like with drugs or anything I mean with binge drinking (the kind that only happens on weekends), making bad decisions, one night stands in the past living on impulses and stuff (btw before you say it I don’t have bipolar I’ve just had a very strange upbringing) idk sometimes i think i walk a fine line with my drinking bcoz my mum was an alcoholic and everyone else in my family is it’s like i’m on a tight-rope or something.
When I’m out because of my Asperges i hate crowds and i get so nervous so I drink everything in sight and don’t give a **** about “drinking responsibly” because at the time I know being pissed as a fart couldn’t be as bad as being sober and scared when I drink I have confidence and I have an amazing feeling of just letting it all go and enjoying myself even though I’m not me anymore and my sense and morals go out the window (they have in the past it’s not so bad now that I’m 21) sometimes things just go so bad for me when I’m drunk and I wish I could just have a normal night out but then I realise there’s no such thing as a normal night out bcoz everyone gets in fights, everyone makes a prat out of themselves, everyone does and says stupid things. Everyone of course being the ppl in my town.
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