girl help: I NEED HELP PLEASE :’( i’m 18 almost a 19 year old - Help.com

Don’t listen to what your dad says coz he is wrong and anyone else who puts you down or makes nasty comments about you is an idiot ppl only do that to make themselves feel better or they think they’re being funny in front of their friends I’m conscious about my weight as well coz I was picked on in school lol but I’m sure you’re not as big as you think you are, also family can drive you insane believe me I know I moved out with my big sister when I was your age and don’t regret it at all but I only did it because we could afford to. I’m on the same page as you with the friends thing hun, I haven’t got any friends either and same here they only talk to me when they want something or when it’s a 1AM pregnancy scare lol they’re avoiding me like the plague and keep repeatedly letting me down sometimes friends are let downs and they’re not the ppl you think they are but it’s not worth killing yourself over, you can always make new and better friends and I’m sure you do have a future what do you want to do? Do you think about doing something in the future? do you have any goals at all?

I’m having a vaguely similar dilemma with my family, in a few ways.

Have you considered using facebook to reconnect with some of your friends from before graduation? I didn’t have much success with it myself, having social anxiety problems of my own, but it may be worth a try if you haven’t tried it yet.

I can see you probably need to leave such a toxic environment. One thing I’ve done to cope for myself was apply for college and part-time jobs. I can’t say all pursuits are successful, especially not in this economy, but if you can find some way to get out of your house (granted your parents are okay with it), it will help at least get away from it all for a bit. Finding other coping skills such as music have at least briefly helped me a bit.

its hard not listening to what my dad says he yells at me for everything and the feeling of being lonely i hate it sooooooo much i need to talk to people i need to see people smiling and laughing but i cant cause my dad or mom wont teach me how to drive my car its a stick shift so i really cant do anything but stay home…… and my friends well they are into drugs and i’m not… i have family in idaho that wants me to move with them but i have no idea who they are i’ve never met them and i just dont wanna move in with another family and have them pay for things for me until i get a job :( and of course i wanna go to college but i have no idea what i wanna do.. and i’m not qualified for government grants cause of stuff having to do with my dad and taxes.. and everyone is avoiding me and being stuck in my room starring at the walls is just ugghhh…. i thought family was suppose to be there for you always but mine pushes me away and never wants to listen… they give off the vibe they dont care so dont bother them… i just want to be happy but every time i am happy they always find away to take that from me :’( and my weight im very sensitive about it and my dad he knows that so when we have arguments he calls me fatass and shut ur fat *** up ***** etc and it bothers me alot and im stuck here til i get a job but i have no way of getting anywhere

Anonymous wrote:
its hard not listening to what my dad says he yells at me for everything and the feeling of being lonely i hate it sooooooo much i need to talk to people i need to see people smiling and laughing but i cant cause my dad or mom wont teach me how to drive my car its a stick shift so i really cant do anything but stay home…… and my friends well they are into drugs and i’m not… i have family in idaho that wants me to move with them but i have no idea who they are i’ve never met them and i just dont wanna move in with another family and have them pay for things for me until i get a job :( and of course i wanna go to college but i have no idea what i wanna do.. and i’m not qualified for government grants cause of stuff having to do with my dad and taxes.. and everyone is avoiding me and being stuck in my room starring at the walls is just ugghhh…. i thought family was suppose to be there for you always but mine pushes me away and never wants to listen… they give off the vibe they dont care so dont bother them… i just want to be happy but every time i am happy they always find away to take that from me :’( and my weight im very sensitive about it and my dad he knows that so when we have arguments he calls me fatass and shut ur fat *** up ***** etc and it bothers me alot and im stuck here til i get a job but i have no way of getting anywhere

Have you met the family who want you to move in with them? Maybe you should meet them and see what they’re like they might be really nice people and if they are you you should consider moving in with them and just telling them you’ll pay them back when you get a job i’m sure they would understand i think it’s def worth meeting them just to see if you get on or not. As for the friends thing when you get a job you’ll prob make a lot of friends so in one way there’s a goal right there, what job would you like to do?

i get on facebook yes but when i send them messages i never hear from them… they ignore me completely until they need something from me.. and with my parents my dad wants me gone and to never come back :’( i’ve always been respectful to him and always there for him when he needed someone to talk to but idk he makes me feel like im a failure and im not good enough to be his daughter… dont get me wrong i love my family to death but enough is enough and i filled out a thing for college in Austin, Tx but i dont think i’ll get a grant because of my dads tax issues..i just dont know where to go from here anymore… i’m so emotional right now i can cry on a drop of a pen

trentlover20 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
its hard not listening to what my dad says he yells at me for everything and the feeling of being lonely i hate it sooooooo much i need to talk to people i need to see people smiling and laughing but i cant cause my dad or mom wont teach me how to drive my car its a stick shift so i really cant do anything but stay home…… and my friends well they are into drugs and i’m not… i have family in idaho that wants me to move with them but i have no idea who they are i’ve never met them and i just dont wanna move in with another family and have them pay for things for me until i get a job :( and of course i wanna go to college but i have no idea what i wanna do.. and i’m not qualified for government grants cause of stuff having to do with my dad and taxes.. and everyone is avoiding me and being stuck in my room starring at the walls is just ugghhh…. i thought family was suppose to be there for you always but mine pushes me away and never wants to listen… they give off the vibe they dont care so dont bother them… i just want to be happy but every time i am happy they always find away to take that from me :’( and my weight im very sensitive about it and my dad he knows that so when we have arguments he calls me fatass and shut ur fat *** up ***** etc and it bothers me alot and im stuck here til i get a job but i have no way of getting anywhere

Have you met the family who want you to move in with them? Maybe you should meet them and see what they’re like they might be really nice people and if they are you you should consider moving in with them and just telling them you’ll pay them back when you get a job i’m sure they would understand i think it’s def worth meeting them just to see if you get on or not. As for the friends thing when you get a job you’ll prob make a lot of friends so in one way there’s a goal right there, what job would you like to do?

no i’ve never met them they live all the way in idaho.. they are my cousins well they want to fly me out there next month or in august and move straight in with them… but im uncomfortable with that cause they said they dont want me to just visit i need to move straight out there right away and this was out of the blue

swordsareshin wrote:
I’m having a vaguely similar dilemma with my family, in a few ways.

Have you considered using facebook to reconnect with some of your friends from before graduation? I didn’t have much success with it myself, having social anxiety problems of my own, but it may be worth a try if you haven’t tried it yet.

I can see you probably need to leave such a toxic environment. One thing I’ve done to cope for myself was apply for college and part-time jobs. I can’t say all pursuits are successful, especially not in this economy, but if you can find some way to get out of your house (granted your parents are okay with it), it will help at least get away from it all for a bit. Finding other coping skills such as music have at least briefly helped me a bit.

i get on facebook yes but when i send them messages i never hear from them… they ignore me completely until they need something from me.. and with my parents my dad wants me gone and to never come back :’( i’ve always been respectful to him and always there for him when he needed someone to talk to but idk he makes me feel like im a failure and im not good enough to be his daughter… dont get me wrong i love my family to death but enough is enough and i filled out a thing for college in Austin, Tx but i dont think i’ll get a grant because of my dads tax issues..i just dont know where to go from here anymore… i’m so emotional right now i can cry on a drop of a pen

Anonymous wrote:
i get on facebook yes but when i send them messages i never hear from them… they ignore me completely until they need something from me.. and with my parents my dad wants me gone and to never come back :’( i’ve always been respectful to him and always there for him when he needed someone to talk to but idk he makes me feel like im a failure and im not good enough to be his daughter… dont get me wrong i love my family to death but enough is enough and i filled out a thing for college in Austin, Tx but i dont think i’ll get a grant because of my dads tax issues..i just dont know where to go from here anymore… i’m so emotional right now i can cry on a drop of a pen

Everything your dad calls you I can assure you is bollocks you are a lovely person and you don’t need to be constantly put down, if your other family aren’t the way to go and you don’t get into this college I think the only thing you can really do is try and look for a job and save up as much money as you can to move out on your own and get out of there it’ll give you something to aim for in the mean time just ignore him and keep thinking how he’s wrong and that you are an amazing person, i know moving out sounds hard and I know it sounds scary but i think it’s definetely something to consider for the future

trentlover20 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
i get on facebook yes but when i send them messages i never hear from them… they ignore me completely until they need something from me.. and with my parents my dad wants me gone and to never come back :’( i’ve always been respectful to him and always there for him when he needed someone to talk to but idk he makes me feel like im a failure and im not good enough to be his daughter… dont get me wrong i love my family to death but enough is enough and i filled out a thing for college in Austin, Tx but i dont think i’ll get a grant because of my dads tax issues..i just dont know where to go from here anymore… i’m so emotional right now i can cry on a drop of a pen

Everything your dad calls you I can assure you is bollocks you are a lovely person and you don’t need to be constantly put down, if your other family aren’t the way to go and you don’t get into this college I think the only thing you can really do is try and look for a job and save up as much money as you can to move out on your own and get out of there it’ll give you something to aim for in the mean time just ignore him and keep thinking how he’s wrong and that you are an amazing person, i know moving out sounds hard and I know it sounds scary but i think it’s definetely something to consider for the future

well my mom just came in and said maybe its best if i just move out :’( i mean where am i suppose to go i dont have any money.. i can’t stop fckn crying right now… see im not even wanted by my own family… am i that bad of a person :(

Omg I’m so sorry you do not deserve this you are not a bad person why is she kicking you out I don’t understand?

trentlover20 wrote:
Omg I’m so sorry you do not deserve this you are not a bad person why is she kicking you out I don’t understand?

cause me and my father got into an arguement about him yelling at everyone cause a 2 year old spilt snow cone syrup on the floor and calling everyone lazy ***** and that that we need to stop listening to our cousins problems and clean the house like were suppose too :.( then we argued he called me names and said he’s done with me and that i need to move out never come back and hes not paying for anything for me ever again and that i can just leave cause he doesnt care what happens to me anymore..

You don’t deserve that treatment from them, I’m sure you have far more worth than you think and you can always create a future for yourself at any time; if not now, then you can always later. Right now, dealing with the present is an understandable priority.

Is there any way to contact these relatives from Idaho yourself - phone call, message, e-mail, etc…? I don’t want to say “go ahead and trust a bunch of people you’ve never met before with everything!”, but it is pretty clear to me that living where you are now is causing more harm than good. If you don’t feel you have many close friendships, then that’s even less to lose. If you’re concerned about being a burden to them for the time being, you could always assure them that you’re looking for work or education or something.

It would be a really bold, drastic move, though, so apprehension would be reasonable for such a thing.

swordsareshin wrote:
You don’t deserve that treatment from them, I’m sure you have far more worth than you think and you can always create a future for yourself at any time; if not now, then you can always later. Right now, dealing with the present is an understandable priority.

Is there any way to contact these relatives from Idaho yourself - phone call, message, e-mail, etc…? I don’t want to say “go ahead and trust a bunch of people you’ve never met before with everything!”, but it is pretty clear to me that living where you are now is causing more harm than good. If you don’t feel you have many close friendships, then that’s even less to lose. If you’re concerned about being a burden to them for the time being, you could always assure them that you’re looking for work or education or something.

It would be a really bold, drastic move, though, so apprehension would be reasonable for such a thing.

i hope today doesnt get any worse cause i can’t take much more :’( and yeah facebook whenever they are on i mean they are nice people but my family is kind of odd like umm okay my cousin proclaimed his love for me and its kind of disturbing also another reason why im so uncomfortable with moving there.. his words are when my mom told me i had a cousin in oklahoma i was like okay until i saw ur picture then i was in love… — that is disturbing we are family so idk i wanna tell his mom but then i dont :/ and he told me this the night before last night.. and i really honestly need to get away from here.. so should i still move to idaho??

Anonymous wrote:

trentlover20 wrote:
Omg I’m so sorry you do not deserve this you are not a bad person why is she kicking you out I don’t understand?

cause me and my father got into an arguement about him yelling at everyone cause a 2 year old spilt snow cone syrup on the floor and calling everyone lazy ***** and that that we need to stop listening to our cousins problems and clean the house like were suppose too :.( then we argued he called me names and said he’s done with me and that i need to move out never come back and hes not paying for anything for me ever again and that i can just leave cause he doesnt care what happens to me anymore..

No offence but your dad sounds like a bit of a bastard I’m sure you love him and I’m sure he has many fine qualities but this is just plain wrong you’re his daughter and you’ve done NOTHING wrong why is he taking this out on you? if you’ve been kicked out hun then maybe you need to think about moving to Idaho just for a while till you can sort out somewhere to live on your own, when I moved out with my sister we had to live in a one bedroom apartment with 9 cats and two mentally unstable lesbians and Heroin addicts, prostitutes, and alcoholics banging on the door day and night Idaho can’t be as bad as that, and I only lived there for 3 months till me and my sister could find our own place.

As for your cousin I’d let him down gently just tell him you don’t think of him that way and that your family and you’re not interested in him because you’re more focused on getting a job and finding your own place, but you have to weigh up the options would you rather live with a mentally abusive father or a cousin who’s got a tiny crush on you and that could easily be solved by just having a heart to heart with.

trentlover20 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

trentlover20 wrote:
Omg I’m so sorry you do not deserve this you are not a bad person why is she kicking you out I don’t understand?

cause me and my father got into an arguement about him yelling at everyone cause a 2 year old spilt snow cone syrup on the floor and calling everyone lazy ***** and that that we need to stop listening to our cousins problems and clean the house like were suppose too :.( then we argued he called me names and said he’s done with me and that i need to move out never come back and hes not paying for anything for me ever again and that i can just leave cause he doesnt care what happens to me anymore..

No offence but your dad sounds like a bit of a bastard I’m sure you love him and I’m sure he has many fine qualities but this is just plain wrong you’re his daughter and you’ve done NOTHING wrong why is he taking this out on you? if you’ve been kicked out hun then maybe you need to think about moving to Idaho just for a while till you can sort out somewhere to live on your own, when I moved out with my sister we had to live in a one bedroom apartment with 9 cats and two mentally unstable lesbians and Heroin addicts, prostitutes, and alcoholics banging on the door day and night Idaho can’t be as bad as that, and I only lived there for 3 months till me and my sister could find our own place.

As for your cousin I’d let him down gently just tell him you don’t think of him that way and that your family and you’re not interested in him because you’re more focused on getting a job and finding your own place, but you have to weigh up the options would you rather live with a mentally abusive father or a cousin who’s got a tiny crush on you and that could easily be solved by just having a heart to heart with.

i love my dad to death but he’s an A22hole :/ and hes been like this for a very long time he says he blames society for how he is… i mean when i was younger i’d friends stay the night and he would yell at me call me names in front of my friends and they hated him for making me cry all the **** time..and today ive been thinking about Idaho and i wanna make the move but my mom had told me that my cousin is very pushy and she said if i think my dad is bad then idaho is gonna be hell for me and that she’ll use things against me… and i’m sorry you and ur sister had to go thro that :( it must have been awful.. and for my cousin i’ve told him numberous times i dont think of him like that and that he is family but he keeps saying well we are 3rd cousins so it’ll be fine and my answer is always tbh idc if ur my 7th cousin its still family and i cant do that it wouldnt be right. thats the only thing stopping me from going to idaho cause i dont wanna be in a house where someone is watching my every movement or peeping or any of that :/ but i also dont wanna be in a house with a verbally abusive father.. so what else should i do with the cousin thing?? should i tell his mom??

Anonymous wrote:

trentlover20 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

trentlover20 wrote:
Omg I’m so sorry you do not deserve this you are not a bad person why is she kicking you out I don’t understand?

cause me and my father got into an arguement about him yelling at everyone cause a 2 year old spilt snow cone syrup on the floor and calling everyone lazy ***** and that that we need to stop listening to our cousins problems and clean the house like were suppose too :.( then we argued he called me names and said he’s done with me and that i need to move out never come back and hes not paying for anything for me ever again and that i can just leave cause he doesnt care what happens to me anymore..

No offence but your dad sounds like a bit of a bastard I’m sure you love him and I’m sure he has many fine qualities but this is just plain wrong you’re his daughter and you’ve done NOTHING wrong why is he taking this out on you? if you’ve been kicked out hun then maybe you need to think about moving to Idaho just for a while till you can sort out somewhere to live on your own, when I moved out with my sister we had to live in a one bedroom apartment with 9 cats and two mentally unstable lesbians and Heroin addicts, prostitutes, and alcoholics banging on the door day and night Idaho can’t be as bad as that, and I only lived there for 3 months till me and my sister could find our own place.

As for your cousin I’d let him down gently just tell him you don’t think of him that way and that your family and you’re not interested in him because you’re more focused on getting a job and finding your own place, but you have to weigh up the options would you rather live with a mentally abusive father or a cousin who’s got a tiny crush on you and that could easily be solved by just having a heart to heart with.

i love my dad to death but he’s an A22hole :/ and hes been like this for a very long time he says he blames society for how he is… i mean when i was younger i’d friends stay the night and he would yell at me call me names in front of my friends and they hated him for making me cry all the **** time..and today ive been thinking about Idaho and i wanna make the move but my mom had told me that my cousin is very pushy and she said if i think my dad is bad then idaho is gonna be hell for me and that she’ll use things against me… and i’m sorry you and ur sister had to go thro that :( it must have been awful.. and for my cousin i’ve told him numberous times i dont think of him like that and that he is family but he keeps saying well we are 3rd cousins so it’ll be fine and my answer is always tbh idc if ur my 7th cousin its still family and i cant do that it wouldnt be right. thats the only thing stopping me from going to idaho cause i dont wanna be in a house where someone is watching my every movement or peeping or any of that :/ but i also dont wanna be in a house with a verbally abusive father.. so what else should i do with the cousin thing?? should i tell his mom??

When we moved out it wasn’t that bad coz we just used to laugh at it most times you have to in situations like that. Your dad blaming society I’m sorry I don’t buy it I could blame society for how I turned out but that is ******** and it sounds like your dad is just milking his nastiness for all its worth nobody makes us who we are it’s our choice to be like that unless you have a serious mental illness. I somewhat know what you mean about your dad I had a verbally abusive mum and she was horrible to me and my sister when we were kids like I was 7 or 8 when she was at her worst, never called us names (mainly used to say stuff about my sister) but I would dread her waking up in the morning coz she would just kick off at us for no reason and she used to scream in my ear and stuff so I know what it’s like to be in an environment where you feel you need to walk on eggshells it’s not good and my sister got us away from my mum when she was 13 and we went to live with my aunt. I think you should tell your cousin’s mum about it and hopefully he’ll get the message if not is there anywhere else you can stay? Do they have bedsits in America? Shelter places for the homeless?

Nobody deserves that. Is it still happening?