I need some ideas to help me get out of this situation.
So I’m in a bit of a tricky situation right now. I’m a college student still living with his parents, heading into my third year of study. I want (possibly, need) to move out from my parents. Being with them is wearing me down, and can’t be good for my already damaged mental health. I spoke with a counselor confidentially during my last year about this, and he also recommends me moving out if possible.
Here’s the details: I don’t have a good relationship with my parents. (tl;dr. Don’t need to read below.)
They’re not the worst parents out there, but I’d have chosen other parents instead. They’re not very rational or understanding. Growing up, my father was a rather strict disciplinarian who would, for discipline, often yell at me, get angry easily, use name-calling, and use mild corporal punishment (spanking, light hitting, etc.); if I had a complaint, he’d be quick to tell me his father was far worse with physical punishment, and that I have it easy. My mother, isn’t as bad, just the typical over-protective mother who doesn’t like giving their children independence, though quick to criticise them later for being naïve. In the presence of my father, she tends to get a bit ruder towards me.
I’m now 20, and don’t get into as many fights with my father. It’s clear he still doesn’t want to let me make many of my choices by myself, but for the most part we get along on the surface. Backtrack a few years, I had major depression that hit an extremely low point, enough for me to attempt suicide. Before that, he would ridicule my depression as self-pity, and call psychology an “Atheist’s science”, all while trying to coerce me into the military. My mother was just irritated about everything about me. Stuff happened, I was sent to a mental hospital for 10 days. After that, they took my depression seriously, but still told me to take better care of myself, despite trying to. A year later, I had a serious religious conflict with them, as the intolerant traditional Christian parents, I tried to defend my less than orthodox Christian beliefs (more detail in an older thread if you’re curious), but to no avail; I wasn’t listened to, my mother lied to me in front of my father, and my father yelled at me, eventually threatened to hurt me, ending with a forced conversion back to mainstream Christianity that didn’t work. It was really traumatic and screwed with me for a while.
I found the beliefs of Christianity harder and harder to hold onto, then last summer I just figured I can’t believe in it anymore, and went with agnosticisim. I won’t call it wrong, that’s not the point right now. I’m sure I won’t get any sympathy for this, though, so I’m not asking for serious help, I just need some ideas. So, for the past year, I’ve faked happiness and Christianity both around them, and on the surface, we get along fine. But it is incredibly taxing to lie to them so much. I’ve worked so hard to successfully convince them I follow their Christianity and that my depression is gone. Which, both are so far from the truth it isn’t even funny.
Now, I’ve worked myself to death to get two part-time jobs in this economy while still in college, to make enough money to pay my tuition all by myself and make enough (given financial aid as well) to potentially pay for rent when I move out. Unlike the last two years, this year I will have the potential to move out and pay for my housing. It may be difficult to work two part-time jobs and full-time classes, but I did last year, and I won’t have the added stress of coming back to this freaking house anymore.
The problem now, is while I’m sure I can make enough money (and have backup money from this summer), my parents are worried I’ll be cutting it close with rent and other finances. I’m a college student; that’s very likely, but I am very frugal and know what I’m doing. I’ve been able to, over time, sway them gradually into thinking I can handle moving out. But they’ve very cautious about it still. They still think I can’t handle the costs.
Then they found an alternative where “everybody wins” - a Christian rooming house. Obviously, I don’t need to get out of the frying pan and into the oven. I’d like to avoid this. Surely it will cost less, but it will also require more involvement with the members there and multiple prayer/worship/discussion type things per week. I won’t have the time for this with work - there’s one point to this I can think to persuade my parents with, but it’s not enough. They’re convinced of this being a good idea. I fear if I tell them this isn’t a good idea, they’ll either think I’m not Christian, and/or just make me live with them. The goal is, I need to avoid both of those options. If I take my independence from them and make a large stand for myself, I still fear they could physically hold me back from looking for a house, packing up, etc…
The thing is, I can’t think of anything to help me out here. I’ve thought of a few things (I’ll move out anyways one day [they know this], I’ll make friends easier, etc…), but need more viewpoints and angles to see this through. I’m desperate, and hitting a brick wall on my end. I might just really need help here.
I’m sorry for making you read all this, I appreciate any help given.
Since writing this post swordsareshin may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. swordsareshin is a verified member, has been around for 2 years, 4 months and has 3 posts and 15 replies to their name.
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