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Sit him down; tell him how you feel; tell him you are leaving him …. and then leave him. Don’t try to be friends at all ….

Being friends with a past lover works. My beast friend in the world was the first girl I every had romantic feelings for and the first girl I ever slept with. We stated good friends after we broke up … but the reason for that is because we were never really in love with each other. Look back on our relationship I can honestly say that for the both of us it was more about being comfortable with each other to try on a relationship more so than being in love with each other. So when we broke up, a love was not broken up. We were more friends than and we staid friend.

But when real love is involved (which it sounds like is true in this case) remaining friends is very difficult … it in fact causes situations where the person who is dumped cant effectively move on because they feel that as long as there is still contact than there is still a chance of reconciliation.

In fact I would say for the average couple in your situation “Staying friends” is about the worst thing you could do for the person who is being dumped. It might now sound nice, but cutting him off completely is the best way to get him to move on with his life and into a better situation.

Thats a hard one…..especially working with his siter. He obviously likes you more and being a clingy person he will probably try to talk you out of it or keep bothering you after wards. But you just need to do it……

Da-11 Is right and gave good advice.

I know this makes you feel bad but please get over feeling that way now before you do it…feelings happen and stop and we can’t put in out heads to just be with someone because we feel bad for them.

Listen to Da-11 and get this over with. As for his sister chin up and left your head you have not done anything wrong. Hopefully he does not bother her asking about you or trying to have her talk to you. If this does happen be straight up with her and say your brother is a really great guy but I just don’t share the same feelings for him any more and it’s only fair I let him go to find someone who does love him the way he loves them.

Good Luck….Uhg I hate these situations…….

nolateri wrote:
Thats a hard one…..especially working with his siter. He obviously likes you more and being a clingy person he will probably try to talk you out of it or keep bothering you after wards. But you just need to do it……

Da-11 Is right and gave good advice.

I know this makes you feel bad but please get over feeling that way now before you do it…feelings happen and stop and we can’t put in out heads to just be with someone because we feel bad for them.

Listen to Da-11 and get this over with. As for his sister chin up and left your head you have not done anything wrong. Hopefully he does not bother her asking about you or trying to have her talk to you. If this does happen be straight up with her and say your brother is a really great guy but I just don’t share the same feelings for him any more and it’s only fair I let him go to find someone who does love him the way he loves them.

Good Luck….Uhg I hate these situations…….

Ugh, I just checked my Facebook and his mom messaged me, she wants him and I to make plans for dinner soon. This is too difficult!

Good Morning….I’m so bad at this sort of thing when a relationship turns this way I have been in your same shoes…..and have done some pretty stupid things to end a relationship like this. So I’m not going to even share what I have done. Instead lets look at what you have said and go from there.

#1I am quite decided I want to break up with my boyfriend, and I’m scared as hell to do it.

He’s very fragile, and puts so much pressure on me, saying that only I am what makes me happy.

I tried to break up with him in the past, but I felt so guilty, I felt that I ruined him so I went back to him.

I love him dearly, but don’t see him any more as a boyfriend, but would love to have him in my life as a friend… would that ever work?

Plus, his sister just got a job where I work, so I’m dreading the awkwardness that would come from that if we were to break up, plus my boyfriend and I have made a lot of plans this summer.

But I’m not happy! I feel like such a terrible person!

What do I do?

Sorry I accidently hit send and wasn’t done so lets try this again….see it’s making me nervous on what to tell you already…lol

Look at what you have said and feeling.

#1 I am quite decided I want to break up with my boyfriend,

So here we know you have already decided what YOU want to do….Got that out of the way……

#2 and I’m scared as hell to do it.

You still care for him as a friend, your are a good person and hurting him you also know it will hurt his family because he is their son and brother, so your dealing with what they will think and say as well.

#3 He’s very fragile, and puts so much pressure on me, saying that only I am what makes me happy.

This is one of the problem’s and is unfair for him to put pressure on you by saying this. This attitude of his could also be what has ruined your feelings for him as a gf. Someone clingy, needy and rely’s on you for their happiness is a big turn off in a relationship. No girl or guy wants someone who is like this in a relationship.

#4 I tried to break up with him in the past, but I felt so guilty, I felt that I ruined him so I went back to him.

This goes back to number 3. You need to get over feeling guilty and that you ruined him and about to do it again….you are not ruining him he has already done this to himself. You are not responsible for his happiness! You are responsible for your happiness. By staying with him you are putting stress and guilt on yourself and this is not right or fair to you. He is being selfish and using this because he thinks it will work. And has so far! He is desperate and is only thinking of himself. Get this….because it should give you the strength to end it. You need to be thinking of yourself and what is healthy and good for you.

#5 I love him dearly, but don’t see him any more as a boyfriend, but would love to have him in my life as a friend… would that ever work?

Friends will not work at this time anyways..maybe down the road but very unlikely.

#6 Plus, his sister just got a job where I work, so I’m dreading the awkwardness that would come from that if we were to break up,

She needs to get over it as well as you. I’m sure she would do the same thing being in your shoes.

#7 plus my boyfriend and I have made a lot of plans this summer.

Oh well….plans will need to be cancelled.

But I’m not happy! I feel like such a terrible person!

#8 So do what makes you happy. You are not a terrible person! Your human and how you feel is how you feel. PERIOD.

What do I do?

You already know what to do. Now you have to do it. Be strong and think of yourself right now!

Last: Dinner is not a good idea it is just making it harder to end.

Good Luck……..And when you do it make it final and stop communication all together with him and his family.

There is no Gentle way about doing this you already tried and it did not work.

Straight up it’s over and he needs to move on and so do you……your going to hurt and feel bad….but it will take the pressure off you and let you get on with your life and him with his……

As hard as is it will be doing it face to face might be the best way to make him relize you are serious and done……meet him some where that you can get up and leave right away….but not to public and not where he has to give you a ride home. Some where that you can get up and leave…….! Sounds cruel but it is not. Your point needs to be direct and clear other wise your leaving a door for him to come back and try to make you feel guilty. This needs to stop. But won’t if you do it and then let him back in by even talking to him. tell him when you do this to please not contact you in anyway because you will not respond. Up front so he knows. Then if he does this don’t feel bad what so ever because you made your self very clear.

Da-11 has some good advice maybe invite her to give you some ideas on how to do this…I think I have said it straight and you just need to do it.

Maybe later I will share what I have done to end a relationship like this only for humor…….

Your situation is why I’m not in a relationship right now. I want to make sure it’s someone I can really get serious with. I tend to get in a relationship and into the first 3 months I see things that I know I can not deal with and won’t but even after 3 months there is such an attachment I have stayed longer thinking my feelings will change. But they don’t and I relize now they won’t. And life is to precious to spend time on something I don’t want.

So I straight up give a 3 month probabtionary “so to say” period before I will give the guy any indication of a commitment. I will tell them this up front as well and will not get intimate with them until then either. Because to me intimacy is something you share with someone out of love and respect for them and your self. Once you go their it creates bonds that make it harder to end with in this time frame if I decide it’s not what I want. Being honest up front lets them know I’m serious and so far this has worked out great. And because alot of time and commitment was never invested it has been easier and worked out to end up being friends with this person. And because there was no intimacy that bond is not there.

I hate hurting people and do my best not to. But at the same time this is my life and I’m not giving it up to someone who depends on me or stay in it because they need me.

I need me…and I need me to be happy!

Enjoy college this fall you have your whole life ahead of you to find Mr. Right. Right now find your self and learn to be content with your self. This will help in knowing what it is you do want out of life and out of a relationship.

Let me know how this works out for you :)

nolateri wrote:
There is no Gentle way about doing this you already tried and it did not work.

Straight up it’s over and he needs to move on and so do you……your going to hurt and feel bad….but it will take the pressure off you and let you get on with your life and him with his……

As hard as is it will be doing it face to face might be the best way to make him relize you are serious and done……meet him some where that you can get up and leave right away….but not to public and not where he has to give you a ride home. Some where that you can get up and leave…….! Sounds cruel but it is not. Your point needs to be direct and clear other wise your leaving a door for him to come back and try to make you feel guilty. This needs to stop. But won’t if you do it and then let him back in by even talking to him. tell him when you do this to please not contact you in anyway because you will not respond. Up front so he knows. Then if he does this don’t feel bad what so ever because you made your self very clear.

Da-11 has some good advice maybe invite her to give you some ideas on how to do this…I think I have said it straight and you just need to do it.

Maybe later I will share what I have done to end a relationship like this only for humor…….

Your situation is why I’m not in a relationship right now. I want to make sure it’s someone I can really get serious with. I tend to get in a relationship and into the first 3 months I see things that I know I can not deal with and won’t but even after 3 months there is such an attachment I have stayed longer thinking my feelings will change. But they don’t and I relize now they won’t. And life is to precious to spend time on something I don’t want.

So I straight up give a 3 month probabtionary “so to say” period before I will give the guy any indication of a commitment. I will tell them this up front as well and will not get intimate with them until then either. Because to me intimacy is something you share with someone out of love and respect for them and your self. Once you go their it creates bonds that make it harder to end with in this time frame if I decide it’s not what I want. Being honest up front lets them know I’m serious and so far this has worked out great. And because alot of time and commitment was never invested it has been easier and worked out to end up being friends with this person. And because there was no intimacy that bond is not there.

I hate hurting people and do my best not to. But at the same time this is my life and I’m not giving it up to someone who depends on me or stay in it because they need me.

I need me…and I need me to be happy!

Enjoy college this fall you have your whole life ahead of you to find Mr. Right. Right now find your self and learn to be content with your self. This will help in knowing what it is you do want out of life and out of a relationship.

Let me know how this works out for you :)

Okay, that is all very good advice, and gave me a little boost of confidence to do the **** deed.

But, when is a good time? I am supposed to ‘take care’ of him because he is getting surgery on his tooth tomorrow, I feel like this would be a bad time, and I almost forgot he just texted me, I am to give him a ride to the doctors tomorrow.

He’s so excited about these concert tickets we bought, $260, for a weekend music festival, he’s very stoked, I am a little apprehensive. It’s next weekend.

Should I break the news after the events I listed above? I feel ungenuine at the current moment, but its sad to say, he really needs me..

Very tough situation.

Take him to the doctor and take care of him about his tooth.

Brake up with him after he is feeling better about that. Don’t worry about the concert; but give him your ticket even if you paid for it.

Okay thank you for the advice, I really appreciate a second opinion.

Yes! Wait until after the concert. Don’t commit to diner with his mom either before all this. That would just make it harder for you…I know you are feeling like a smuck but in all seriosness this is your life.

When you fall out of love with someone it just happens. You can’t just bring those emotions and feelings back when they are not there.

Here is a sample break-up: I’m using the name Scott.

Scott what plans do you have Tonight? Nothing why? Can you meet me at _______ say around 6pm? Ok but why? Whats going on? Nothing I just wanted to see if you would meet me there at 6. Why whats going on? Is everything ok?

Yes! Just say yes or no can you meet me then? well ok ya but is there something you want to tell me.

Actually Scott there is but I will talk to you Tonight when I see you at 6. Hey I gotta go someone just walked in I’ll see you tonight bye. “Call while your at work”

Hang up…..don’t take anymore calls from him PERIOD!

6 o’clock you meet.

“He is already going to be wondering and nervous about this so this is how you handle it” Remember this is not easy so you need to get to the point be done and leave. Seriously you don’t want it to turn into a session of guilt and feeling sorry for him” OK. He’s a grown man and your a grown woman…. so here goes the meeting. And remeber you already tried this once in a differant way and you are still with him. So you need to just do it!

Conversation:

You…..

This is really hard for me to do but I have to do this….our relationship is over. You have done nothing wrong and this is not about you it’s about me. I just can’t do this anymore and need to end our relationship.

Pause he is going to start talking but don’t listen blank out what he says you need to be strong and focused. OK! Breath and relax while he is talking.

When he stops…..say. Or if you have to stop him do.

Look I don’t want to make this hard and say things I don’t mean. I love you as a person but not like a relationship type of love and I’m only hurting both of us by staying in it. I stayed with you last time I tried to tell you this in hopes my feelings would change but they haven’t and I Can’t do this anymore.

I’m sorry and I have to go now. Get up and leave. If he tries to stand up and stop you. Don’t let him “this is were he will try to make you feel bad and it won’t get anywhere.” Stop for a secound pause and say I’m really sorry. Don’t look in his eyes at this point.

Thats it get in your car and leave……take a deep breath and pull around the corner if you feel you need to catch your breath, cry what ever.

Then go home. Turn your phone off and don;t take his calls. If he texts you or calls and leaves any messages…Don’t look at them or listen to them..or save them Delete them.

Thats it! You did it…..it’s very important that you don’t fall back into talking or texting….if he shows up at your house your not home….

Since you work with his sister maybe doing this on a friday would be better that way you have a couple days before you have to face her at work.

If there is any more communication you have to stick to what you said…..contact with you is only going to hurt him more and it will just frustrate you and make you feel guilty all over again.

Like I said this is not easy…the less you say the better. The quicker you do it and get out of your meeting with him the better.

At this point if he does not respect your feelings and starts whining, crying what ever “I can’t be happy with out you. Please lets talk. Don’t.

We know he is hurting at this point and so are you! Either end of a break up is not easy.

I feel it’s important that we all understand in a relationship it has to be 2 sided for it to work. One in love and the other in like as a person does not cut it. And is really unfair to both.

If he ask if there is someone else be stern to tell him NO! There is no one else. Its just how you feel. Don’t say anything that will give him hope or make him think this is a time out. It’s over and be done….

UGHHH! I don’t know just a dialoge…….gosh this has me all sad now! lol

Here you have laid it out. You have nothing else to say or talk about. You will probably feel sorry and want to call him, check on him, say something anything to make your bad feelings go away. But Don’t….it will just be harder for him.

Da-11 what is your feed back??????

Is that a question your just throwing out there? Sounds more like that shoul be a post and not a response to the OP.

To me that is not a question to be considered if they are done with a relationship and don’t want to be in it any longer. For the people it hurts is another added burden that the person doing the break up has to look at.

There is nothing good in staying in a relationship you don’t want to be in. It hurts the people around when you do this as well because they see that your not happy.

Just saying.

nolateri wrote:
Is that a question your just throwing out there? Sounds more like that shoul be a post and not a response to the OP.

To me that is not a question to be considered if they are done with a relationship and don’t want to be in it any longer. For the people it hurts is another added burden that the person doing the break up has to look at.

There is nothing good in staying in a relationship you don’t want to be in. It hurts the people around when you do this as well because they see that your not happy.

Just saying.

I did it today… his response sort of shined his true colours.

“You broke my heart, this is such a huge shock, you know what I want and that is to be with you.”

No later than 5 minutes, he changed his relationship status, which I think is very immature and insensitive to the timing. Granted he just got dumped. But now I have a quite a few people texting me, asking what happened, which just makes me start to cry again.

I still feel like the bad guy, but I hope its for the best. I had to be honest with him.

His mouth was so swollen from his tooth surgery that he had done yesterday. He looked so depressed, not making eye contact, only staring hard at the floor. I feel like I just hurt him so bad. I feel horrible, and a terrible person.

It was in no way, shape or form mutual. It was me being the dumper. I dumped him, and I guess that makes me a douchebag.

Goddammit.

Why did you want him to keep his facebook statues the same? He is single now, your are single now and that is what you wanted.

Your not a douchebag or a the bad guy; but you did dump him and do need to deal with those ramifications. Better to get it over with or let it linger, it will make it easier for the both of you in the long run.