The love of my life came to my house this morning before work.
It’s so weird but I love him so much and we have such a long history but I mentioned to him the other day that we don’t actually know much about each other. I’ve known him for nearly four years and there’s only so much about him that i know. He had a baby this year and last week I saw her picture for the first time and that’s when it hit me that it’s all real. I’ve loved him long before this woman came along and he says he’s not with her anymore and he just wants to be single. I think that is unfair for him to say to me because of this history and the love he knows I have for him. Only a few months ago was he saying he wanted us but because of the situation with the baby mother it wasn’t possible. I know I have to let him go and a part of me has and I have lost some of that desire to be with him, until today when he came to my house and it was like I fell in love with him all over again. He made me remember why I fell in love with him in the first place.
It hurts to know that he had a child during the time I’ve known him. It was really hard knowing that I’d stuck around all that time and then out of nowhere there was this baby. I always imagined me giving him his first child despite the fact that he had all these girlfriends and never chose to be with me. Even though he said he wanted to be with me I don’t think he genuinely does. I think he has a love for me but it’s not enough for him to want a relationship with me.
It sucks big time, and the fact that me and my bf broke up like 5 weeks ago makes it even harder because I see him as someone I can fall in love with but never got the chance.
It’s hard going through all of this at the same time. It’s all a part of life but the past two years have been so difficult for me.
I’m trying to do LOA and empower myself somehow but I’m really struggling to find a light at the end of the tunnel.
Since writing this post Pac's Queen may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. Pac's Queen is a verified member, has been around for 4 years, 5 months and has 77 posts and 400 replies to their name.
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