Love help: Ok so I met this girl a year ago, I loved her she said she had - Help.com

Open and honest and straightforward communication- assertive, not passive, not aggressive. If you don’t understand something say so and ask for clarification… act out of love, real love and you’ll sort things out. Sometimes what you write on this site is what you should actually be telling the person. There’s a lot of advice I could give you, but if the motive behind your every action is for the good of this girl and not yourself, you should be able to find your way through the confusion. Whatever you do, do the right thing x

This girl does not know what she wants. She doesn’t want you until she thinks someone else wants you.

If you want to have your heart broken, hang around with a girl who doesn’t know what she wants. These girls leave quite a few broken hearts in their wake.

Don’t let yours be one of them . . .

And, by the way, this girl definitely isn’t marriage material. If you marry her, she’ll be leaving you to “find herself” before you know it.

Whether you decide to continue to pursue her or cut her out of your life, communicate with her to the best of your ability and then some- it is the best way to get any kind of relationship with her to develop into a positive one and if things don’t work out, I am certain you will have a lot less regrets if you communicate properly and sort things out. I speak from experience. Don’t let anything slide without talking about it, if you aren’t certain what she means or why she reacts a certain way, find out. If she won’t talk to you or tell you, find out why. Don’t assume anything, try and put yourself in her shoes but keep in mind it is never healthy to make another human being the centre of your universe and she is probably dealing with a lot of her own issues by the sounds of it.

And is that true? Is that not true? Have you fully discussed that with her? Sometimes you need to understand what’s behind the words, where she’s coming from. And remember that sometimes actions speak louder than words.

For example if someone says that the problem they have with a loved one is that they never do the dishes or do any house work, you will probably find that what they are actually saying is they need to feel supported and are not getting that at the moment, the housework itself is not the problem.

You need to tell her exactly how you feel as well and make sure she really understands, don’t leave room for misunderstanding or misinterpretations. There is a reason for everything and if you both really value eachother, then you need to communicate really well with eachother.

Then find out if she loves you or really cares about you, but if it is no more than lust you should realise that this kind of relationship will only really destroy you in the end. Don’t try to find things out about her or try and determine what her body language or facial expressions mean, don’t assume anything, think about how you can get her to be honest with you.

I think you might find reading ‘A new earth’ by Eckhart Tolle helpful. And in the meantime, I hope you are not making your whole life about this girl and devoting all of your energy to her.