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I’ve really upset my husband..
I keep messing up and don’t know what to do. I basically always think I am right and can never listen, then this time it cost us $500 we don’t have. Now he is upset. I feel like a terrible wife. Any suggestions on how to correct the situation, instead of just saying “i’ll do better next time?”
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Ouch. We’ve all been there and done that.
I suggest just trying to listen more, and trying harder to see his point of view about things. And make any decision that costs more than $50.00 together. If one of you says “no” about anything the answer is “no”. That way, when things do go wrong, you are BOTH to blame, and in it together, so you can focus on finding solutions instead of arguing about who is more at fault.
Thanks for the reply! Thankfully it really wasn’t an argument. I just was left feeling stupid at the end of the day, and not to mention dreadful.. I also don’t have the problem of over spending or spending money we don’t have.. basically here is a breakdown..
My husband told me to close an account on Friday and I decided it would be best to wait. We ended up being hit with $500 in fees.. It’s a long story, but I should have listened to him.
He has told me that I need to listen to him more.. and I maybe just don’t realize what I’m doing when I do it. I argue and do things I feel are best, and this time I really think I’ve learned my lesson, and I should trust his judgement more often. I just feel terrible and don’t know how to fix this now that it’s happened.
Well, dear lady, you need to do what’s known as “damage control.” You need to bake him a cake, give him a massage and really, really let him know that you appreciate him.
Now, I will tell you something: if you want to poison your marriage, continue to be a “contrarian wife” who constantly dismisses her husbands feelings and requests. You are treating your husband like an idiot. If he says it’s night, you will undoubtedly take the opposite tack and proclaim it to be day.
There’s SOMETHING in your past that is behind your contrarian nature, and you need to find out what it is and thereby neutralize it. This WILL kill your marriage if you keep it up: your husband will not feel respected, appreciated or loved. And then, dear lady, another woman will come along who will show him the respect, appreciation and love that you have withheld. I can guarantee you that this will happen.
Your husband wants to be your hero. But you marginalize him and you deny him any kind of leadership role within your family. Yes, you are courting disaster, and that is why I am telling you this: so you will have time to reverse course.
Apologize deeply and sincerely–and LET HIM KNOW that you have learned your lesson, and that you won’t dismiss his feelings or admonitions ever again. He needs to be able to depend on you, and he probably feels he cannot do that right now. Your contrariness cost your family $500–and that should be your wakeup call!
It’s not your husband that’s causing your behavior–again, it’s something in your past. Maybe it was an overbearing father or an aggravating brother–but you need to nip this behavior in the bud before your husband is snared by another woman. He’s given you fair warning–and you ignore it at the peril of your marriage!
Tell him the $500 is well spent on being educated about how it’s better to do what’s right rather than to be right.
Then sell some crap you don’t need or never use on kijiji and put that 500 bucks back in his hand.
You told us two problems in your post: 1 not listening to your husband 2 money. Well known fact of the two major causes for divorce: Love and money. Your husband does not feel loved or respected when you are not listening to him and I am not saying here you have to sink to the level of his voice be heard all the time. I will focus on this problem as you must remedy this first.
In any relationship, whether it is dating with someone or being married to someone trust is the fundation stone. It starts with sayings, can I trust the person I am with or married to of what he/she is saying? Can I build on that? Or it is a one way road to disaster, a dictatorship of one’s will, my way or the highway attitude? Your husband has no voice or respect in this regard at home. He already told you that you should listen to him sometimes. You realized that and acknowledged it and that’s a good start.
To visualize this: put an object on your head something that won’t roll down. Turn your head in any direction slowly making sure the object is not going to fall off. Now shake your head or turn your head really fast and see how fast that object will fall. What I am telling you is that your husband is the head you are the neck. The head cannot turn into any direction without the help of the neck. If you have mutual agreement on things the head turns slowly but if you don’t agree and one does things without the other’s approval, the object will fall. In another word, you can make the head turn in any direction you want to because you are the neck. All you have to do is to do it with a style.
When was the last time you praised your husband for anything or paid him a compliment? Do you pay him at least 10 compliments for every one critical remark?
American women have become masters at tearing their men down.
And they do things to their husbands that they would feel outraged about if the roles were reversed.
Hope you can make your husband feel worthwhile, valued and loved very soon! I have a feeling that he’s really suffering in those departments!
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