Love help: Long distance marriage is heartbreaking - how to deal?

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Long distance marriage is heartbreaking - how to deal?

My significant other and I have been in a long distance relationship for 2 year (4 years in total together), and recently got married. We’re still living in different countries because I have a job here, he has a job there and is hoping for a promotion next year AND feels responsible for his father’s wellbeing (who’s depressed and has been living with him and off his costs for the past year). In his culture, taking care of your elders is very important, but I hate how his father (who hasnt accepted me) and his wish for a promotion are keeping us apart. If I move to him, we could only afford for me to live in the same house with his father, which would be awkward to say the least. On other hand He doesnt want to leave there for another year, because of his father and his work. Being apart is breaking me up, yet I see no other option. What can we do?

This open post was written 10 months, 1 week ago | V/U/S: 611, 11, 6 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.

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Significant other, Significant other, long distance, relationship, Another Year, Promotion, marriage, Breaking, Distance, Accepted, Love, marriafe, Long-distance, Long-distance, longdistance (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

Replies (11)

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Zirbel 4 #
An Undisclosed Location | 10 months, 1 week ago (34 minutes after post)

“How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work”:
http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Long-Di…

“Long Distance Relationship Guide”:
http://ldrguide.com/

“5 Secrets of Successful Long-Distance Relationships”:
http://www.ivillage.com/5-secrets-suc…

“5 Problems With Long Distance Relationships”:
http://isabellasnow.hubpages.com/hub/…

“5 Danger Signs of Long Distance Relationship You Should Watch Out For”:
http://longdistancerelationship.org/p…

“Long Distance Relationship · Activities & Ideas”:
http://www.lovingfromadistance.com/th…

The Sherlockian 39 #
An Unknown Location | 10 months, 1 week ago (40 minutes after post)

I don’t see any chance of his leaving his father. The only option is for you to move there and then work on getting his father to accept you.

When my grandfather married my grandmother, my great-grandfather couldn’t stand him. Then my great-grandfather got sick and my grandfather helped to take care of him. My great-grandfather then thought my grandfather was the greatest son-in-law on earth!

Something to think about!

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daniepani 0 #
An Undisclosed Location | 10 months, 1 week ago (43 minutes after post)

Thanks Zirbel. This already helped.

southern_comfort 178 #
An Undisclosed Location | 10 months, 1 week ago (1 hour, 21 minutes after post)

Priorities are key. If he is not willing to make his family unit number one or at least number two after his religious beliefs than you should walk out of the relationship and into the nearest bar.

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IrAdler 2 #
An Undisclosed Location | 10 months, 1 week ago (1 hour, 58 minutes after post)

Have you ever met in person? Do you know this person you married? How did you get married, online?

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keleee #
An Undisclosed Location | 10 months, 1 week ago (3 hours, 17 minutes after post)

I would get out of this arrangement/ marriage ASAP. If you are not as important to him as his job or his father you mean very little to him.

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Zirbel 4 #
An Undisclosed Location | 10 months, 1 week ago (3 hours, 52 minutes after post)

be a gal wrote:
Have you ever met in person? Do you know this person you married? How did you get married, online?

She didn’t say that they married online.
Anyway it would not be possible.

IrAdler 2 #
An Undisclosed Location | 10 months, 1 week ago (4 hours, 21 minutes after post)

She said she is in a long distance relationship for two years and recently got married can imply they got married by proxy or by online.

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Rosabella 9 #
An Undisclosed Location | 10 months, 1 week ago (6 hours, 56 minutes after post)

chev.jame wrote:
I don’t see any chance of his leaving his father. The only option is for you to move there and then work on getting his father to accept you.

When my grandfather married my grandmother, my great-grandfather couldn’t stand him. Then my great-grandfather got sick and my grandfather helped to take care of him. My great-grandfather then thought my grandfather was the greatest son-in-law on earth!

Something to think about!

I totally agree with Chev.Jame as usual. You should join him, since he is not free to join you. Apart from all that Chev.Jame has said, you are both putting “jobs” too high on your list. The marriage should come first, and that has to include his father for now.

southern_comfort, IP wrote:
Priorities are key. If he is not willing to make his family unit number one or at least number two after his religious beliefs than you should walk out of the relationship and into the nearest bar.

This is ridiculous.

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daniepani 0 #
An Undisclosed Location | 10 months, 1 week ago (10 hours, 25 minutes after post)

Hey all, thanks for the feedback. To be clear, We did NOT meet online, we were in a physical relationship for 2 years before circumstances tore us apart. Chev.jame, rosabella and zirbel, your feedback especially helped. Marriage, or even relationships are always hard, but even more so when they’re between people from two different cultures living in different countries. Its key to stay optimistic, even or especially when youre apart (which I was having a hard time doing when I wrote this post..) Breaking up or splitting up is in no way an option, because if it was, i wouldnt have gone into long distance to begin with. Rosabelle, very enlightening insight from you that we both might be putting jobs as too high of a priority. I guess its because were both pretty ambitious, but also because were both afraid of more economically uncertain times ahead.

Anyway, thanks all of you for taking the time to give me some heartfelt advice.

katymmead9 #
An Unknown Location | 10 months, 1 week ago (16 hours, 13 minutes after post)

I can only imagine how hard this is for you. From what I have learned people can make long distance work as long as they both care a lot about each other, but you wont be truly happy until you actually get to be together. I think one of you will need to move or you will both keep hurting until it happens.

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Long distance marriage is heartbreaking - how to deal?

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