computer help: 31yr old son living in backyard man-cave. - Help.com

Throwing him out will be much easier for you, much hrder for him and your relationship with him will suffer some pretty nasty damage.

Everything that happens has a reason behind it. Try to figure out WHY he’s like this. Once you’ve done that it will be a lot easier to decide what you can do to actually aim at the source of the problem.

if you threw him out, he would have to look for a place to stay. and if he didn’t have any friends to crash with, he would probably have to get an apartment, and those typically require rent, which would require him to get a job.
so, yes, it would change him.
at least force him to, anyway. he might not soften his heart.

Depends on the country/state where you live. You didn’t tell.

i second that, his circumstance will require him to do things differently. even if he were to crash at a homeless shelter, if he was responsible for himself(as opposed to having mom there to save him) he’ll ultimately have to get himself out of the hole(that is, if he wishes) via working(at any job, $ is $), via programs(he’s old enough to do his own research) and the like. the only way things won’t change is if you do nothing.

I am a parent with 5 “children” from 20-27. Throwing them out will make a big difference. It may be bad and it may be good. They either sink or swim.

The youngest two still live at home. Of the three that are gone one is treading water, one is drowning and one is doing the backstroke 100mph. You eventually have to let go is what I think. 25 is the official limit for me. After that you move on.

If you want organizations to help you must seek them out yourself. They don’t go around knocking on doors.

Why are you paying him to do “chores”? Stop it. You are aiding his laziness not making it better. What does he do with the money you give him? Buy cigarettes? Beer? Subscriptions to Mennonite Weekly??

How about an opinion from someone who was on the other end of that stick. Now I wasnt 31 but I was in my mid-20’s…didnt have a man cave either but other than that…the situation was quite similar. I didnt pay bills, I lounged around all day doing nothing…maybe mow the grass just to keep the folks off my case.

No it aint something I’m proud of by any means.

My dad kicked me out. Said I could stay if I got a job and started paying rent but otherwise…get to packing…I had a week.

I thought he was bluffing to be honest so I did…nothing. A week passed and not only had I not found a job but I hadn’t even started looking for one!

Guess what…he wasn’t bluffing.

Made me leave immediately or said he would call the police to physically remove me from the property.

To make a long story short….it was likely the best thing he ever could have done for me. Sure I had a few friends I was able to get a night or two on a couch from but eventually I wore out my welcome there as well. Luckily by the time that had happened I had managed to get a job…albeit a ****** one…it was a job none the less. I managed to find a room for rent by the week and set up there for a bit.

Eventually I was able to split an apartment with some of my coworkers and then I was more or less on my way…as the years went on I enrolled in college, got better jobs, moved into better places and haven’t looked back on the old life again.

But yup…best thing my folks coulda done for me was to STOP enabling me.

Now granted it may be harder for your son as hes much older than I was and likely starting to get set in his ways…but honestly he’s got to either learn to do for himself…or forced to do it.

Of course there’s always the alternative, that’s the one you are living now.

Good Luck!!

He’s 31 years old and he lives in your house. If he’s not paying rent, he should be managing your house single-handedly and making you coffees on demand, free of charge.
I think your son needs a life check, and I think kicking him out cold-turkey would be the best thing for him. He won’t like you for it, he may hate you for it. But realistically, he should’ve been independent at 21 years old IMO.
He needs this in order to do something with his life. I can’t believe your son is anything but depressed living at home at 31 with no job to keep him busy.
I know it’s a tough world out there and it’s a mothers job to protect and shelter their children, but you won’t always be around, and it’s also your duty to ensure he gets the most out of life, and that includes letting him dive off the diving platform, not confining him to the shallow end of the kiddie pool.