Right Now help: i don’t know how i can talk to my dad. - Help.com



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i don’t know how i can talk to my dad.

I’m 17 years old now and in the past few months i’ve realised how little i’ve ever seen of him. He, to this day, works alot. Since i can remember he’s worked nights, leaving at 6pm arriving back at 7am, to got to bed at 7:30 am, wake up at 12 for a cigerette and a cuppa(i’m at college at this time)back to bed, wake up at 4 scoff down dinner and leave at 5pm. This for 5 days a week, for at least 20 years. He’s not much of a social person either, keeps to himself as do i (right now i curse that he’s given me that gene; any time i try to spark up a conversation he assumes something must be wrong at college or i have issues to be discussed). I hate that i don’t know much about him but it’l be weird to straight of ask, what year were you born, do you have brothers & sisters, where do my grandparents live, who were you married to before mum etc etc.
Neither of us are very social people, we moan when we’re told to do this or do that or have to go to our sister’s house on boxing day(but they have 7 crazy kids in a terrace house, it’s understandable to complain). The only thing i can think of to get us into a situation where we can have a conversation is for me to start smoking and join him on the porch(not likely to happen anytime soon) or wait till next year and join him and mum in the pub (but i don’t want to start drinking)
I really don’t know how to get to him, neither of us talk about our hobbies, our day at college/work\(like father like daughter), he just sits there sipping a pint and i just sit her typing on Help.com. Has anyone else had this kind of trouble and got through it?

This open post was written 10 months, 1 week ago | V/U/S: 307, 4, 6 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Tictactomm offline Verified User (5 years, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
Edmonton, AB, CA | 10 months, 1 week ago (8 minutes after post)

Pick some of the challenges, issuse, or questions you have about life and ask your dad for advice about them.

When you solicit his opinion, it means you value it, and him. He’ll respond. Do it often enough, it will become a habit.

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Space Weaver offline Verified User (2 years) Long Term User Shouts: 15 #
An Undisclosed Location | 10 months, 1 week ago (49 minutes after post)

Start off by saying to him “you know in all the years since we’ve known each other you never told me much about yourself. tell me about you, about more of your life, if you don’t mind that is”.

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ronr offline Verified User (10 months, 1 week) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 10 months, 1 week ago (6 hours, 18 minutes after post)

I am 67 and had the same situation. My dad worked evenings and during the summer seven days a week. It was only after my mom died that I was able to talk much to him. However I was married and didn’d have much time for talk. Only after someone did a family tree, akter my father died, did things start making sence. (My grandmother was 14 when she got married, my father had 5 brothers that died.) I then knew why they didn’t want to talk much about their past.

The lesson I learned from it all was to talk to my own son about my life and have patience with him when things go wrong. At least my son won’t have the same issues I had.

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The Sherlockian offline Verified User (5 years, 1 month) Long Term User Shouts: 39 #
An Unknown Location | 10 months, 1 week ago (7 hours, 17 minutes after post)

Just start talking to him. And realize this: he’s a survivor. He’s providing for your family in the toughest times since the Great Depression. He obviously knows some things about getting through life.

Get to know him. You are now at the age to talk to him and to get him to open up. Before it wouldn’t have really made any sense to you.

Learn all you can from him while he’s still here on this earth!

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