Adam,
My heart goes out to you! What State do you live in?
I want to share some words of encouragement but want to get this part out in the open now!
Your disorder is a qualified disability and you need to follow through on getting on disablity. I understand it’s very little money but you will qualify for additional benefits as well that will add up. Most importantly it is kinda of like a sheild that puts you in a protected class having a disability.
The ADA is a strong organization that fights for certain rights for people who fall under this classification.
Are you currently taking your medication? If I was to guess I would say probably not because of the effect it has on you. It is frustrating that people are born with disorders like this and others then to be offered a life of medication and thearpy that does not always help! It helps in some ways but then hurts us in other ways! ” like you said in College. But it is important to stay on your medication and hopefuly have a good doctor who listens to you and monitor’s what medicines work best…
You sound like a bright amazing person “Kudo’s” you got into college that says alot. You have the American desire to have a good life and live a productive life. You have a son that you want to be someone to and be there for! You have the desire and all the reasons to want to succeed in this place “we call life”!
I’m sorry you lost your father to suicide when you were 9 and maybe he was dealing with what you deal with today and felt a need to just end his life….this is irrelevant but I’m glad to hear you mention this and to read that you have considered it but have also relized what you do have to live for.
You are not a selfish person I can see that! And you are a kind hearted person and you want for your son what you missed out on with losing your father. For you that is enough to fight for and want to better your life for.
I’m sorry your family has turned away from you! I don’t know what things you have done or what your family has gone through with you……as to why they have pushed you away. But one thing I do know from what you have shared is you need some guidance and support in getting your feet on track and being a productive person to support yourself and be there for your son.
Right now it is one step at a time…..the most important step right now is helping yourself. You understand and know enough to write what you wrote here and that is a begining.
Get on disabilty for starters and get back into school or get a job that you are confident you can handle and do this time. Stay on your medication if your disability is managable on it. If the medication is giving you side effects that are making life unfunctionable then talk to your doctor about this.
In your spare time do art and get into music or even study these subjects in college. Some of the most inspiring artist and musicians of all times had some sort of disability that was a huge tribute to their success! Do not allow this to stand in your way!
You have the World in front of you and the moon on your back….let the light shine with-in you to make your world a brighter place! Let your son be the force that gives you the strength to get up everyday and say today is a new day and it is my day to shine through all the darkness that surronds me…….be who you want to be and be the best at it!
It does not take intelligence, successs or friends to be a father! Being a Father takes a loving touch a caring smile and the determination to be a shinning star in your sons eye’s!
You are yet so young and have your whole life ahead of you to succeed in what ever you set your mind to. Don’t let the past take away who you are and who you want to be! Leave the past behind and take the time today to make good choices one step at a time and one day at a time.
If being a Father has given you the determination to better yourself and to make something of your life then also let it be what makes you smile and gives you the strength to live each and every day to it’s fullest.
Your son doesn’t know about life yet!
What he does know is that when his daddy hug’s him and say’s “it will be ok son tommorow is another day” all his fears go away and he is looking for tommorow to be a brighter day! He wants his daddy’s love and hugs!
If your only accomplishment in this life was to be a good Father and always there for your son……..would you still want it?
supergeek00
nolateri
The Sherlockian
cero