college help: My husband works in another country and doesn’t send us enough money for living. - Help.com

have the creditors call him.

stone_wolf_09 wrote:
have the creditors call him.

He knows they are calling. He doesn’t think “my” debts are important. He keeps telling me to just dump the house and stop paying the credit cards (which I’ve used to pay living expenses for the past few years). I don’t think he realizes that our mortgage is cheaper than rent AND with bad credit it would be hard to find a place to rent anyway.

He knows I don’t live frivolously. I don’t run heat or AC unless it is really needed. I take quick cold showers and hang the laundry to dry to save money. We never go for entertainment or luxury food except when he is home. He knows I can manage to get by. I just want to convince him that if he’s living comfortably middle class, he should want the same for his family. He thinks barely getting by is fine for me because I grew up poor and he grew up middle class.

Just send him an itemized statement of all your costs to convince him.

Zirbel wrote:
Just send him an itemized statement of all your costs to convince him.

He doesn’t think I should pay mortgage, credit cards, or student loans, and I’m not sure he thinks I need to pay utilities. He does say that paying for my car, car insurance, internet access, and phone are important. I think he thinks that’s all that needs to be paid. I’m not sure why the car would be important to him, but the phone and internet are how we keep in daily contact. Those four items come to $435 - that leaves $15 for everything else (food, clothing, electricity, water, natural gas, any medical expenses, home repairs, etc.)

I think it perfectly logical to expect his wife to work a job also.

southern_comfort, IP wrote:
I think it perfectly logical to expect his wife to work a job also.

I have no problem with working, but he and I agreed that babies are better off in the care of a loving parent than in a day care center. I had agreed to delay working until our child is at least old enough for preschool. Do you think this is his passive-aggressive way of changing his mind on that agreement?

I really think he’s trying to force you to get a job.

I also think that supporting his wife and baby are a higher priority than supporting the “poorer members” of his family.

The Bible says that a man who won’t support his family is worse than a nonbeliever.

I think you’re going to have to get a job just to survive. And you need to do it quick. Next, you need to look at your marriage–because I don’t think this guy is what a husband ought to be.

You need a budget. Write down all necessary living expenses. Cut back on all non-essential items such as cable. Internet is not a necessity. You can go to a cafe or library for that.
Have garage sales… several. Sell anything that you own that isn’t nailed down or attached to the house.
When you have a budget (leave out credit cards for the moment) figure out how much you have left. Whatever that amount is is what you pay the credit card banks with by pro-rata basis. That is list all of them from biggest to smallest. Total them and then figure out by percentage which creditors get what percentage of total.

For example:

Bank of Greed… 30%
Store of less Greed… 25%
BP-”not our fault”oil… 15%
bankette 1… 15%
bankette 2… 15%

If you have $50 left over in the budget, this is how much you divide how much they each get. Send them all certified letters letting them know this. Also tell them they are not to contact you at work (if you were employed), before 9:00 am or after 6:00 pm. No Exceptions! Any creditor that that tries to contact you before or after these hours after being notified in writing is BREAKING the law. You can REPORT them and I highly suggest you do so.

To learn more go to http:www.daveramsey.com
On his site you will find the form letter to send to the creditors and all about the ways to get out of debt. Permanently!

Indeed if your husband is making 75G take home pay he can send you a lot more than what he is. If he refuses then it may be time to talk to a lawyer and see about removing your name from being responsible for these debts.