girlfriend help: Whoops, insecurity problem.

Shigaku

Whoops, insecurity problem.

Yes, I screwed up. I could have approached it a different way.

This is what happened - recently, my girlfriend was talking to this guy friend she met recently way more than me. And she spent nearly her entire day chatting with him.

So today, I snapped. I jumped to conclusions when she told me that she was waiting for him before deciding what to do next, and I concluded that she deemed me unimportant.

Almost immediately I regretted it. I realized that she never stated those words, and I was just jealous that I didn’t get that amount of attention.

So we talked a bit over skype about my clingy problem, and her responses were pretty short, and cold. She forgave me apparently, and also admitted that she had forgotten to text me back when I had, and that she shouldn’t have been spending so much time with the friend.

I don’t know how I could have approached this problem better, my method was horrible. Just plain horrible. And I deserved nothing less but the cold shoulder.

How should I have dealt with this problem?

This open post was written 11 months ago | V/U/S: 373, 6, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post Shigaku may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. Shigaku is a verified member, has been around for 3 years, 2 months and has 150 posts and 747 replies to their name.

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what happened, cold shoulder, Insecurity, girlfriend, Attention, Forgotten, Shoulder, She Was, waiting, Entire (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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Zirbel 4 #
An Undisclosed Location | 11 months ago (8 minutes after post)

Shigaku wrote:
How should I have dealt with this problem?

With coolness.
A relationship may not degenerate to a prison, all the more not in younger years like yours and your grilfriend’s age.

As we know from your other posts, you have quite a big lack of self-esteem.
You should work on it to endure better such situations.

“How to increase your self-esteem”:
http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses…

“Six Behaviors that Increase Self-Esteem”:
http://www.changeforgood.com/articles…

“Boost your self-image with these 5 steps”:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/self…

“Self Esteem Affirmations” · Tutorial:
http://www.wiziq.com/tutorial/63505-S…

“Developing Self Confidence”:
http://www.wiziq.com/tutorial/28204-D…

“How to Improve Self Confidence, Self Esteem and Overcome Fear of Rejection”:
http://sofs.hubpages.com/hub/Building…

Shigaku 1 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months ago (14 minutes after post)

Ah, self-esteem issues… haha. Always going to be haunting me wherever I go.

Help me with: As a first year college student, I’m about to ask out my first college gal.

Anonymous #
11 months ago (18 minutes after post)

Honesty and trust. You need to be able to trust her more, and that’s going to be a little hard not only because of your self-esteem, but also because of the cheating incident. So, I think you both need to work on communication.

Zirbel 4 #
An Undisclosed Location | 11 months ago (44 minutes after post)

Shigaku wrote:
Ah, self-esteem issues… haha. Always going to be haunting me wherever I go.

How do you mean? Not agreed with?

The Sherlockian 26 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months ago (2 hours, 26 minutes after post)

The girl was wrong. But you should have handled it this way: “Well, if you need to be talking to Tom all day long, and you need to wait for him before you decide what you’re going to do next, I hope you and Tom have a good time together.”

And you shouldn’t have felt guilty one little bit!

Don’t snap–respond with coolness. After all, you’re a good guy and a girl with a head on her shoulders knows that. So, what do you do with people who do not appreciate you? You politely wish them farewell!

Personally, I would have dropped the girl right then and there. She would have learned a valuable lesson.

If you and she talk further, you should say, “Sorry I lost my cool, but you were ignoring me and you seemed to be getting into this other guy–fawning after him–and I just didn’t think it was right. You can do that if you want to, but then we can’t be boyfriend and girlfriend any longer. And I think you would get upset if I did that to you.”

You don’t have to feel “OK” with what she did, because she was clearly in the wrong. When a girl does something like that, stand your ground, and throw the ball back into her court. If she doesn’t correct her error immediately, drop her like a hot potato. You don’t need a girlfriend who’s fawning all over some other guy or guys. And the girls who do that will get a reputation for being very flighty and not worth the investment of any time or effort.

Remember–you are somebody and you are special, unique, and worthwhile. When a girl cannot recognize your good qualities or has a problem with loyalty, break it off right then and there. She literally isn’t worth your time!

Help me with: Rape and justice in the wonderful world of Sharia law in Dubai .

Shigaku 1 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months ago (1 day, 2 hours after post)

I know she’s wrong, and I effed up. I ended up blaming myself, didn’t I…

I don’t have that spine of steel to tell her she’s wrong, and order her to change herself. It just feels like a threat to me. Yet, I also understand that there is literally no other way aside from telling her she’s wrong and saying I would break up if things didn’t change.

She’s going to be gone for 10 days on a short vacation, and I’m going to get a little break from all this. And if things still haven’t changed, I think I’ll get my act together and tell her this.

Thanks.

Help me with: As a first year college student, I’m about to ask out my first college gal.

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Whoops, insecurity problem.

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