well tell him he needs to stop, go to therapy with him and ask him why he’s doing that, if he really loves you and you love him y’all need to be showing it in a loving way
Do you think it is good for your kids to have to endure your abuse? He needs to stop or you need to separate from him.
Are you masochistic?
ANGEORG wrote:
verbally abused by my husband … and i love him
Either you take it or you leave him, together with your kids, of course; they don’t need a paternal jerk!
B.t.w.: Children are able to FEEL very well what happens between the parents — they don’t speak about to you or him, but they suffer it!
Children who grow up in an abusive home almost always grow up to be either abusers or abused.
Was he always like that, or is this something new?
Verbally abuse him back(not in front ofthe children of course)
Evansent.:) wrote:
Verbally abuse him back(not in front ofthe children of course)
Which would be VERY stupid!
Its called standing up for yourself which isnt VERY stupid!
Its not physical,nor mental,its Verbal.
Evansent.:) wrote:
Its called standing up for yourself which isnt VERY stupid!
Its not physical,nor mental,its Verbal.
It escalates the conflict only too war — verbal or not doesn’t matter.
Evansent that is horrible advice. You need to reach out to family or friends and either get your husband the help he needs or get out of this relationship. It will be better for your children in the long run. Don’t ‘trust’ that his verbal abuse won’t turn into physical, no matter how much you think you know him.
Evansent.:) wrote:
Its called standing up for yourself which isnt VERY stupid!
Its not physical,nor mental,its Verbal.
Standing up for yourself does not require sinking to a low level. She needs to be sensible now, for the sake of her children. She needs to tell her husband straight up that she isn’t going to tolerate it anymore, that he needs to stop, get therapy if necessary, or she and the kids will be living elsewhere and he can visit them when he is calm and rational.
To many Men/Women become victims because they dont fight back.
Be that verbal,physical or mental.
We teach our children to stand up for themselves,same goes for grownups.
We only become victims if we allow ourselves to become doormats.
If he’s just an a-hole, that’s one thing. But has something happened at work or at home that has affected him?
Agree, however, that it doesn’t matter WHY a person is being abused–if somebody were beating you with a hammer, it wouldn’t matter WHY he was doing it. It wouldn’t hurt any less if it were because the guy was insane.
I’d suggest a calm time to talk to him about it. The OP should let him know that whatever the reason is behind his verbal abuse, that it is hurting her and also hurting the marriage. She should ask him to let her know if something has happened that is bothering him. She should suggest counseling if it’s not something that she feels they can work out themselves.
If he doesn’t want to talk about it, and continues to unleash invective her way, she needs to take it to the next level and look toward extricating herself and her children from the situation.
OP, I hope you are intelligent enough to ignore Evansent’s immature and ill-informed advice. Trust me, look at my ‘help me with’ post, I know what an unresolved abusive relationship can lead too. You and your husband need to get help immediately, think about your children, do you want them to see mum and dad fighting all the time or do you want them to grow up as happy and safe as possible?
Evansent.:) wrote:
To many Men/Women become victims because they dont fight back.
Be that verbal,physical or mental.
We teach our children to stand up for themselves,same goes for grownups.
We only become victims if we allow ourselves to become doormats.
As a victim wrote:
“I began fighting back. Instead of backing down right away and jumping to do his commands, I began standing my ground and arguing back if I felt that he was being unreasonable, but that just made him even angrier and nastier and more intimidating and threatening to the point where I was afraid that I was going to get hit.”
@ Evansent.:): You should learn a bit more about human psychology:
“Emotional Abuse”: http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/emotional…
(The quote above is from there.)
But he doesn’t love you, dear. Or at least has a weird way of showing it. Get out while you still can. A favorite quote from Dr. Phil, “Children would rather be FROM a broken home than live IN one.” What your children learn from you and how you handle this is how they will handle the same situation in their relationships. Is that really what you want?
I was brought up by a Mother who was constantly beaten,she took whatever was thrown at her,she never fought back!
If she had reataliated in the first place,tbh he wouldnt of carried on abusing her.
She let him,he did it because he got away with it.
If ive ruffled a few feathers,its what I believe.
Wouldn’t you have been proud of your mother and grateful if she had left that abusive relationship, Evansent? If she had retaliated he may have killed her.
I’d like to add to southern_comfort’s advice that one parent is better than one dead one and another in jail.
Your husband is being abusive most likely that is how he witnessed HIS parents behaving.
That is how domestic abuse continues. It is learned behavior until someone steps up and says THIS IS NOT RIGHT! If you want the abuse to stop, the time is now. The abuse stops HERE.
H
avidpunk wrote:
Wouldn’t you have been proud of your mother and grateful if she had left that abusive relationship, Evansent? If she had retaliated he may have killed her.
He almost did kill her,thats why she should of stopped it in its tracks.
My opinion stands.
Evansent I am incredibly sad for you having to grow up in that environment, seeing your mother get hurt. I wish somebody had encouraged and tried to help your mother get away from that man. Having sad that, please don’t give other people bad advice, it will only lead to the OP getting hurt. As you said yourself, the man your mother should have left almost killed her. You’re right, she should have stopped it in it’s tracks but abusing him back is absolutely not the way to do it. Fighting abuse with more abuse won’t fix the problem.
When violence begets violence… who wins?
Avidpunk,I dont think Im giving bad advice.Im speaking from experience.
Verbal abuse goes on everyday between Man&Wife,we all have arguements,we all say things in the heat of the moment.
If my Husband called me names,I would call him back.
I wouldnt dream of leaving,ripping the children from their home.
Something so petty is uncalled for.
If however,he physically assaulted me,I would take the kids&leave.
One good parent is better than two bad ones.
Obviously,some people cant/wont fight back,I think this is what leads to other forms of abuse.
I got to agree with Avidpunk on this one. I’m sorry for what you went through Evensent. But you are repeating the same behavior that your parents showed you. And sad to say, your children will someday be doing to their spouse. See how this continues to grow? If it is going to stop it needs to come out from behind closed doors and be dealt with by professionals. Calling your spouse names when they do the same to you does not work in stopping it! Children learn a lot from their parents. Do you yell at them too when you are upset and not thinking straight? I thought so…
Evansent, I am also speaking from the experience of having lost a loved one due to domestic abuse and subsequently having to take care of her child. My partner and I also fight but we never call each other names, we stick to the topic at hand and never insult one another personally. I don’t see how you could do that to anyone you love and care about. That is abuse, that is not just an argument. Unfortunately if you and your husband are calling each other names you are abusing each other and I suspect you are fine with that because you grew up in an abusive household. What kind of example do you think you are setting for your children? I would never want my child to be in a relationship where her/his partner called her names or put them down. That is bullying and it is sad that you think it’s okay. I sincerely hope you or your children don’t get hurt in the future. As for the OP, I hope you too will act wisely for yourself and your children.
First off,if Hubby & I do row(very rarely btw) we never do it infront of the kids.
We are a very loving family,if my kids do get on my nerves I dont resort to foul language.
If tell them go out before I say something I shouldnt.
So Sans your telling me you never call your Wife when your argueing?
Btw,Hubby as never put me down or vice-versa.
Theres not one person I know who doesnt retaliate back (with words)when they are rowing.
Think youve got the wrong end of the stick.:)
If you are rowing there is no “right” end of the stick.
Its not a daily or even weekly occurance.
You telling me you dont have them? Everyone does,everyone says things in the heat of the mment to.
Where did the original poster go? I want to hear her story whether her husband was always like that or it is out of character occurance. In any way, it is wrong and needs to be dealt with but not in tit for tat way.
OP. Define verbally abusive.
Angie. invited 2 users to read this post 10 months, 4 weeks ago.
Just tell him to shut up. Except with volume. No need to have a discussion if its already going nasty. You got to put up a wall and gather your strength if you want to manage his little breakdown.
Evansent.:) wrote:
Verbally abuse him back(not in front ofthe children of course)
Agreed . Loose -loose or win-loose situations are far better than loose-win situation -stephen covey (in 7habits of highly effective people) . Why? because; he explained it in 50 pages which I can’t do here.
be a gal wrote:
Where did the original poster go? I want to hear her story whether her husband was always like that or it is out of character occurance. In any way, it is wrong and needs to be dealt with but not in tit for tat way.
the account is inactive. I see this happening a lot lately.
a new account. a brief two sentence opening that is controversial. maybe they got scared or maybe they never intended to come back. but the thread is booming. I think of these things as a free threads. if the OP doesn’t have the cojones to own the thread (even under internet anonymity), then I doubt they care enough to honestly consider any advise you have to give.
I think the thread has it’s own value. I just don’t think the OP cares.
you notice how all the cool people have that little green guy near their name. our OP has a red guy. tsk tsk.
No! It’s not Standing up for yourself it is only creating more problems! Standing up for yourself would be to leave and not put up with it! PERIOD!
Evansent.:) wrote:
Its called standing up for yourself which isnt VERY stupid!
Its not physical,nor mental,its Verbal.
D
nolateri wrote:
No! It’s not Standing up for yourself it is only creating more problems! Standing up for yourself would be to leave and not put up with it! PERIOD!
Evansent.:) wrote:
Its called standing up for yourself which isnt VERY stupid!
Its not physical,nor mental,its Verbal.
Agree to disagree.
Sees O:-) wrote:
Evansent.:) wrote:
Verbally abuse him back(not in front ofthe children of course)
Agreed . Loose -loose or win-loose situations are far better than loose-win situation -stephen covey (in 7habits of highly effective people) . Why? because; he explained it in 50 pages which I can’t do here.
Thankyou Sees glad to see we are on the same planet.
Welcome to my world.:)
I think you should run away with your kids !
This account has been deactivated.
Have you got any family members that you or your kids could stay with until you can permanently work something out? No woman should have to put up with their man putting them down.
Evansent.:) wrote:
Sees O:-) wrote:
Evansent.:) wrote:
Verbally abuse him back(not in front ofthe children of course)
Agreed . Loose -loose or win-loose situations are far better than loose-win situation -stephen covey (in 7habits of highly effective people) . Why? because; he explained it in 50 pages which I can’t do here.
Thankyou Sees glad to see we are on the same planet.
Welcome to my world.:)
I admire how you have stood up for yourself and defended your position despite the fact that almost every other person on this post has attacked, insulted or verbally abused you for holding it. I don’t know who is right or wrong, but it is obvious who is flinging insults like “you’re stupid” and who is rationally responding with rational insights into human dynamics based on experience.
Zirbel wrote:
Evansent.:) wrote:
Its called standing up for yourself which isnt VERY stupid!
Its not physical,nor mental,its Verbal.
It escalates the conflict only too war — verbal or not doesn’t matter.
zirbel is absolutely correct on this.War gets even more war.
Calm discussion is what is needed.
If he critisizes you ask him how you can better accomodate him
and make the family happy.
Try to always remain supper calm.Its not easy.But will pay off in the end.
president mindhealer wrote:
Evansent.:) wrote:
Sees O:-) wrote:
Evansent.:) wrote:
Verbally abuse him back(not in front ofthe children of course)
Agreed . Loose -loose or win-loose situations are far better than loose-win situation -stephen covey (in 7habits of highly effective people) . Why? because; he explained it in 50 pages which I can’t do here.
Thankyou Sees glad to see we are on the same planet.
Welcome to my world.:)
I admire how you have stood up for yourself and defended your position despite the fact that almost every other person on this post has attacked, insulted or verbally abused you for holding it. I don’t know who is right or wrong, but it is obvious who is flinging insults like “you’re stupid” and who is rationally responding with rational insights into human dynamics based on experience.
Thankyou.
Evansent.:) wrote:
president mindhealer wrote:
Evansent.:) wrote:
Sees O:-) wrote:
Evansent.:) wrote:
Verbally abuse him back(not in front ofthe children of course)
Agreed . Loose -loose or win-loose situations are far better than loose-win situation -stephen covey (in 7habits of highly effective people) . Why? because; he explained it in 50 pages which I can’t do here.
Thankyou Sees glad to see we are on the same planet.
Welcome to my world.:)
I admire how you have stood up for yourself and defended your position despite the fact that almost every other person on this post has attacked, insulted or verbally abused you for holding it. I don’t know who is right or wrong, but it is obvious who is flinging insults like “you’re stupid” and who is rationally responding with rational insights into human dynamics based on experience.
Thankyou.
It really stands out, actually. What is the point of claiming to be on the side of peace and nonargument while taking every opportunity to not only make intellectual argument against your ideas but also directly insulting and warning people not to do anything you suggest? Actions speak louder than words. Have their aggressive actions convinced me that it’s better to be verbally abusive? No. Have your peaceful responses supported your position that responding to verbal abuse with verbal abuse is the thing to do? No.
Therefore, unless better arguments show up, my judgment is that this game is tied, nobody wins or loses, all is equal.
Seriously! I did not know this was a game or I would have jumped in earlier!
president mindhealer wrote:
Evansent.:) wrote:
president mindhealer wrote:
Evansent.:) wrote:
Sees O:-) wrote:
Evansent.:) wrote:
Verbally abuse him back(not in front ofthe children of course)
Agreed . Loose -loose or win-loose situations are far better than loose-win situation -stephen covey (in 7habits of highly effective people) . Why? because; he explained it in 50 pages which I can’t do here.
Thankyou Sees glad to see we are on the same planet.
Welcome to my world.:)
I admire how you have stood up for yourself and defended your position despite the fact that almost every other person on this post has attacked, insulted or verbally abused you for holding it. I don’t know who is right or wrong, but it is obvious who is flinging insults like “you’re stupid” and who is rationally responding with rational insights into human dynamics based on experience.
Thankyou.
It really stands out, actually. What is the point of claiming to be on the side of peace and nonargument while taking every opportunity to not only make intellectual argument against your ideas but also directly insulting and warning people not to do anything you suggest? Actions speak louder than words. Have their aggressive actions convinced me that it’s better to be verbally abusive? No. Have your peaceful responses supported your position that responding to verbal abuse with verbal abuse is the thing to do? No.
Therefore, unless better arguments show up, my judgment is that this game is tied, nobody wins or loses, all is equal.
Are you ever coming back? If you do, define verbal abuse as you are experiencing it.
Verbal abuse can become emotional abuse if it is a regular ongoing thing. Verbal abusing him back will only escalate into a fight that may become physical. If he is having personal issues outside the house he is probably taking his frustrations out on you and needs to realize it is not your fault he is feeling like a jerk and you are not the cause of all his problems. Either way go stay with family and he can figure it out by himself.
Maybe he gave her $200 to pay the electric bill and when he came home the money was gone and no bills were paid, so he said “where the f*** is the money you sorry b****”… and now she is crying abuse. A lot of people these days think everyone is supposed to kiss their a** all the time or they are being abused. It really seems like the out for girls caught in a bad relationship. She is screaming at him and he is screaming at her constantly like most bad relationships so she claims “verbal abuse”. Sounds like a crap sandwich to me, I’d like mine on toast with a side of fries. The Whaaamburger Deluxe.
My biological egg-donor (it’s a real insult to my aunt and grams who raised me and my other brother to call that horrible woman “mother”) is an emotionally and psychologically abusive parent who only cares about herself and money: not her husband (my father), or my 3 other siblings. The only good thing she’s ever done in her entire life is to literally dump me and my brother at our grandma’s house shortly after birth (my aunt’s husband is a witness to this) and thus, we grew up in a decent environment. About 18 years later, this b*tch accused my grandma of kidnapping us. My father didn’t have the good sense to file for an annulment and so my 3 other siblings grew up with this woman. She literally stole money from all of them and scams other people in the neighborhood. My father put up with it for more than 30 years: moved from one place to another to escape the creditors and blamed other people for his wife’s bad behavior. She drove her own mother (my grandma) to her grave, caused one of her sisters a massive stroke, and subjected her brothers and sisters and even her nieces to near-bankruptcy. She’s a first-rate con-artist who brought nothing but shame on the entire family. My brothers hated my father for what he put them through their whole lives. If you think you’re putting up with your husband for the sake of the kids, then think again. They won’t thank you for it when they’re adults. It’s your duty to make sure they grow up in a decent environment far away from abuse.
You know the old saying”you can choose your friends,you cant choose your family”Think this should be applied when it comes to having parents like that.
I dont proffess to be the best parent,eck,my oldest is 24& Im still making mistakes,however,I wouldnt dream of putting my flesh&blood through that.
piratediscomi wrote:
My biological egg-donor (it’s a real insult to my aunt and grams who raised me and my other brother to call that horrible woman “mother”) is an emotionally and psychologically abusive parent who only cares about herself and money: not her husband (my father), or my 3 other siblings. The only good thing she’s ever done in her entire life is to literally dump me and my brother at our grandma’s house shortly after birth (my aunt’s husband is a witness to this) and thus, we grew up in a decent environment. About 18 years later, this b*tch accused my grandma of kidnapping us. My father didn’t have the good sense to file for an annulment and so my 3 other siblings grew up with this woman. She literally stole money from all of them and scams other people in the neighborhood. My father put up with it for more than 30 years: moved from one place to another to escape the creditors and blamed other people for his wife’s bad behavior. She drove her own mother (my grandma) to her grave, caused one of her sisters a massive stroke, and subjected her brothers and sisters and even her nieces to near-bankruptcy. She’s a first-rate con-artist who brought nothing but shame on the entire family. My brothers hated my father for what he put them through their whole lives. If you think you’re putting up with your husband for the sake of the kids, then think again. They won’t thank you for it when they’re adults. It’s your duty to make sure they grow up in a decent environment far away from abuse.
you are a very strong and brave woman and you must believe that because it will help you mentally tackle with not only this problem but also other problems which shouldn’t be very serious and important as compared to this issue of yours…my mother had this very problem but she had a positive thinking for the sake of me and my two younger twin sisters, this thinking not only helped her pass through that rough time but also helped gain confidence in finding my father back into her life.. he now cant spend a single day without her and loves her dearly.. the very first thing you ought to do is analyse and find out what is the reason behind his unworthy behaviour towards you.. do this with patience and love ,and you will find you answer and you can proceed with what you think is correct to keep him home and happy. if you think you can’t find any goodness in him at all…then all you can do is either survive with it or get your divorce papers ready…
but i’d like to suggest you to be strong and happy. don’t let your children get affected because of your marital affairs , this is only going to make you guilty and mourn with regret .(no offence)but i also mean your children starting drug addiction to get rid of such disturbing thoughts.. take precautions and take care..god bless you
This reply has been removed.
This reply has been removed.
WanderingWanderer wrote:
PS… I also can’t help but wonder if everyone realized they were talking to themselves here. lol. …Looks like Angeorg never came back.
ahem! I already pointed this out.
WanderingWanderer wrote:
PS… I also can’t help but wonder if everyone realized they were talking to themselves here. lol. …Looks like Angeorg never came back.
Perhaps she is reading. Perhaps the comments will help someone else in a similar situation.
cero
Mariam*
Zirbel
The Sherlockian
avidpunk
southern_comfort
IrAdler
Ahhotep
Nooooo...
MarlinTheFish
nolateri
roxygir
trentlover20
mindhealer
spiratec9
Dr. Ralph
soaringsong36
piratediscomi
tom_herekaulit