This post left anonymously
Hello - I am a 39 year old single female with no children.
I have been on disability for more than 3 years with no work. I have no real dreams of returning to work but real fear of losing what little I have left. I see myself in poverty, living on the streets, going to the Union Gospel Mission for food and trying to figure out where to find showers and shelter. To be honest, I have told myself recently we all have to die somehow so maybe this is my gradual descent to death. I have lingering questions, however, why I don’t have a different desire for my life. I don’t know if this is depression, oppression, suppression, or something else. To be honest, my parents are the only ones I have left and to be further honest it is my mother who doesn’t want to give up on me. It would hurt them if I were to die but it’s either them or me, going first. I just don’t understand how someone could end up this way? It’s like I have this sick twisted mind where I cry, feel scared but then laugh inside like a sick, innocent bystander. I guess if you were disabled and had no initiative for anything in life, what would you think about yourself?
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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