This post left anonymously
I’m going to keep this anonymous.
I’m 29 years old. Gifted in the skills that I have, absolutely clueless in the skills I don’t. Not even in some things that are basic.
I am immature, naive, sensitive, antisocial, angy, honest, scared, delusional, impulsive…
I can easily mask my problems and make them seem like they don’t exist within me.
I was also able to hide these qualities in myself to people other than my family.
But now that I’m 29, my family is tired of putting up with my complaints about like so even they don’t want to speak to me.
My entire life my parents have told me not to do things without giving me reasons to why they dont want me to do certain things like smoke ciggarettes, hanging out with certain groups of friends, to even sleeping on time.
This has led me to want to do these things in order to find the reasons to why I shouldn’t do them.
When I was younger, about 7th grade, councelors at school had made me take an IQ test. I scored well above average within almost genius levels. This led me to believe that I was smarter than most people, which I feel has led me to look at life in a totally wrong prespective.
Also, when I was younger, people used to want to be friends with me and the reason being is that I was funny.
When I was only making fun of those who made fun of me.
I am a clever person, but I am not smart. I’m writing this post because I’m at a point in my life where I don’t have any means to move on. No I don’t want to kill myself, but financially, I can’t hold a job because of my personality. Coworkers complaining that I’m too antisocial, wierding out my bosses, my emotions getting the best of me. I’ve never had a problem with any of my issues until now. I don’t know why it took so long for me to realize it. My entire life has been imaginative. Like all of the good things in life, which I considered to be good, was all in my head. If that makes any sense. Even my friends. As if only I thought we were friends and they didn’t. I know the world can be a scary place, and people can be cruel. That isn’t my issue.
My issue is the things I can’t seem to grasp about myself in order for me to try and work on them in order for me to stabalize my life to what the world deems normal.
So I’ve been researching and reaching out to doctors online, which was no help whatsoever.
These are some of the possible things maybe is wrong with me.
I’ve always smoked a lot of pot and played a lot of videogames since I was very young. At the time it seemed like it helped me to get thru my problems when now that I think of it, only prolonged my problems and making it even harder to cope with now.
I stopped playing video games 2 years ago and I stopped smoking pot 6 monthes ago. But I don’t see any changes in my life when in fact I just feel like my problems are getting worse.
I was married at one point in my life but got divorced a few monthes ago. (up to my divorce, I thought everything was fine) I fell into a prolonged depression and never snapped out of it.
I thought maybe this is the root of my problems. I’m in the process of quitting to smoke ciggarettes because like I said earlier, i just cant afford buying them anymore. Maybe quitting ciggarettes will help immensely.
Life is something nobody can teach you. It’s very hard for me. I don’t know how to make or keep friends. Even if I had any, I don’t know how to speak to them. I don’t know how to separate my thoughts. I don’t know how to write in proper format. I don’t know how to control my impulses. (but it’s wierd. If I know what the consiquence, that will control my actions.) Like I said I don’t want to die. I dont want to go to jail. I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore with either my words or my actions. (not that I’m violent, only to my brother. lol) I just wish there was a special pill that would make all of this go away and I’d wake up happy and got along with everyone. But then it wouldnt be called life. I don’t know what to do from here on out. I live in someone’s house because I can’t afford to get my own place, (reminds me of when I lived with my folks) and I just stay in my room all day because I don’t want to bother my housemates. I go out for job interviews and work whenever I find work, but once I get fired I go back to my room. I go outside at least 2 times a day to get some air, sunlight and food. I say I too much. I’m addicted to attention. (I do not want any attention from this post. I’m just hopelessly searching for some a place to start in order for me to get better.) I’ve very very good at video games. I naturally know how almost all electronics work. (except for the mathematics of the components), I learned how to build computers by myself. I learned how to take apart cars by myself. But it seems this is all I know. I’m very artistic, I don’t know how to cook. My though process jumps around from here to there in a matter of seconds. I’m an idiot.
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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