boyfriend help: She compares everyone to me, but hates me?

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She compares everyone to me, but hates me?

Some background:
I wouldn’t even say we “officially” dated. It was just a fling that had really strong feelings involved. She left me for her ex and said we would never work because of where our lives were going. Even after that we would have an occasional conversation, one where she literally said “no one ever compares to you”. The only kicker is that we work together and have to see each other often.

After she ended things with her ex she went on a date with another guy, but started talking to me right afterwards. She became upset when she found out I removed her on facebook and took the needed steps to cut her out of my life completely. So she retaliated and did the same to me. A few months later I heard she had gotten a new boyfriend. At the same time, she began reversing everything she did to cut me out of her life, and started talking to me again. I kept my distance, despite still having strong feelings for her, because I didn’t trust it.

Her new boyfriend cheated on her, and the break up followed. She heard some rumors (that weren’t true) from mutual friends that caused her to stop talking to me again too. Soon after, she started to date her ex (the first one) again. A little time went by and I finally confronted her about it and she told me she felt she couldn’t trust me. We talked for a bit and I soothed the waters. We started talking again, and things were a lot more friendly. Then, overnight, she began treating as me like she did when she cut me out of her life completely (won’t even say hello back).

What is her deal? I’d just let it go but I have to work with her directly and these mood swings are really getting old. It seems like I’m some nagging feeling in her heart she doesn’t want to feel. Yet she seems to want me back in her life every time she finds someone new, as if she’s comparing everyone to me.

This open post was written 9 months, 4 weeks ago | V/U/S: 291, 6, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.

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mutual friends, conversation, background, Every Time, Completely, boyfriend, First One, feelings, Facebook, friendly (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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monkichirmo 1 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 4 weeks ago (50 minutes after post)

i don’t get it either, why you have to be influenced by someone else’s wants. regardless of her mood swings or hold-ups, you can’t change it nor fix it etc, it’s just not up to you. why don’t you decide what you want to do, either have her in your life or not and go with that. working with her isn’t an excuse for anything, ppl work with ppl they couldn’t care less about yet still manage to fake it and keep it civil.

Help me with: Good thank-you gift?

Anonymous #
9 months, 4 weeks ago (54 minutes after post)

It kind of really doesn’t make sense for her to only talk to you/be nice to you/not cut you out of her life when she finds someone new. Seems like she’s trying to make you jealous in a way but I don’t know. It’s kind of like she’s stringing you around.

Anonymous #
9 months, 4 weeks ago (1 hour, 19 minutes after post)

I try to keep it civil. She’s the one who won’t do so. I’ve had co-workers complain about how awkward it is having us both around because of the way she acts when she does this. I’m not kidding when I say she literally can’t even return a friendly “good morning” when I have to drop something off at her desk. It’s annoying, especially since she was going out of her way to tell me goodnight not even two weeks ago.

DarkSnow 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 9 months, 4 weeks ago (1 hour, 28 minutes after post)

Ah. This is why everyone says to avoid dating within the workplace.

Anonymous #
9 months, 4 weeks ago (2 hours after post)

Yeah =/ but sometimes it happens. We connected, instantly, and it was hard to fight. I guess I can’t say anything against it though considering how everything turned out.

I want to be hopeful that we can fix things, but I’m also realistic. Fairy tale endings don’t often happen. I was really hoping someone would help me figure out her motives. Partly to see if I have a chance of rekindling what we had, but mostly so I can try to calm things at work.

DarkSnow 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 9 months, 4 weeks ago (2 hours, 19 minutes after post)

From what I understand of it, it’s good to have a network of friends, people who know both you and the person you are dating well. So that you can get to know a person and see whether or not you should date them, see what they are like beforehand, etc. And also for help later on when you have difficulties. However, that’s not so useful in this instance right now, so…

Yeah, I don’t know what you can do, really. Except not focus on her much. Focus on other things that are important to you, so that she doesn’t fill your life so much. Your friendships, family, work, hobbies, whatever. We, as humans, have a tendency to focus on the negative things that are in our lives when we aren’t actively pursuing making the good things continue.

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She compares everyone to me, but hates me?

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