Completely help: I feel like a cynical hellcat. - Help.com

Well hello there :) I’m sorry about those stupid annoying people, they suck. I hope you are feeling a tad better now :)

I get it. Lol I’ve honestly never met any crazy feminists, but they seem terrible. Have you been harassed by any personally?

I agree with you. I think it is a personal decision that doesn’t have to symbolize submission or oppression in any way. Honestly, I think it may have originated in such a way, but nowadays it is a sort of declaration of love involved with sealing the deal. Like you said, nobody has to do it. I actually used to want to keep my last name, but now i’ve decided if I actually end up loving someone enough to marry them, I’d certainly want to keep theirs.

WritetheHeroine wrote:
some people just like being who they are and don’t feel like they have to go against the grain to feel like they’re worth something.

These people are secure about who they are and what they want. They, I think, are probably happier than others who feel the need to prove something to the world about their worth. People who go against the grain can be secure and happy to of course, but people who do it out of the need for validation will always be dissatisfied. I guess that extends to everything, not just gender roles. All well, you’ll be happy right? :)

Thank you very much. Likewise.

WritetheHeroine wrote:
not everything that’s traditional is some sort of evil ploy. Sometimes it’s nice and sometimes one wants something a bit different. They’re both good choices. I hope some people find peace and learn how to be happy, accepting and productive at the same time.

Sounds very reasonable and pleasant to me. Goodnight :)

WritetheHeroine wrote:
Sweet dreams!

Ditto :)

WritetheHeroine wrote:
No, luckily I’ve never been harassed personally. It just bothers me how sometimes they don’t seem to understand how one can support gender-equality and still want their husband’s last name at the same time. I listen to a podcast mainly about things to do with gender roles or human rights and they were reading an email they had gotten on last names where someone referred to a woman taking her husband’s last name as sexist. It’s not like one is forced to, and I don’t see how him taking your last name wouldn’t just be the same thing in reverse. I won’t applaud one for doing the complete opposite as taking the man’s last name isn’t something to be ashamed of. Both are both choices that differ between each couple.

A lot of it is NORMS. If the NORM were for the husband to take the wife’s last name, that would be fine with me.

Now, let’s say the norm is to take the wife’s last name. But being a “masculinist,” I’m going to balk at that. Instead, I’ll propose something like making a hyphenated last name combining her last name and mine. Or just keeping my last name.

That would make me a great “masculinist.”

But it would probably hurt my wife’s feelings, as she would wonder why I was balking at taking her last name when that is the NORM.

By the way, those women who do the hyphenated thing have a greater chance of getting divorced than those who don’t.

When push comes to shove, I’d rather be a better husband than a better masculinist!

WritetheHeroine wrote:
Now my mood has shifted and I only feel resentful of those (virtually everyone) I think are better than me. I’m so tired of feeling this way… A lot of my friends might be better off without me, and then I would just be alone.

Virtually everyone?! No way Jose, you are great. There really isn’t any need to compare, but if we have to, you are certainly better than those other people for making fun of watchmen with me.

WritetheHeroine,

You have no reason to feel conscious about the way you feel. Your views are actually the few words of sensibility in this superficial culture we have now. Remain steadfast to your views and try your best not to fall for the popular culture and trend, just because other people do so. Like the famous saying, Would you jump off a cliff just because everyone else did?

Um… Yeah i would.
It’s either you’re crazy or evryone else in the world is.