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i have problems saying no to people, if it’s a reasonable request, i will most likely say yes to helping someone out.
but i have this one friend who calls me with every little problem she has, making me go out of my way to help her, whether it be asking me to come over to her house to comfort her after she and her bf have her weekly fights, to asking me if i can spend the night with her because she’s lonely. The first few times she wanted me to come over, i said sure no problem, but it became a habit, so i had to start putting my foot down. She had car towed a while ago and demanded that i go pick her up, even though i had class soon and no car. her response “well, you have to find a way to get here.” i told her I couldn’t, and she blew up at me. Also, when she got locked out of her house, she wanted me to drive half an hour to her apartment to pick her up, even though that would not do anything to help her get back into her house. I told her i had work soon, and she said, “well just drop me off at a nearby mall at your work and pick me up after your shift’s over, then take me back to my apt.” I said i couldn’t do that because i’d be late for work and she went off on me again. Another time she wanted to come over to my house because “her internet was too slow” and she had a paper due the following day. I had work so she couldn’t come over, but I told her there were alternatives such as going to school or to the public library. She replied ” i don’t like public places, i’d rather go to your house to use it” Her request made no sense to me, so i asked her what the real reason was that she wanted to come over, and she finally said “Well, i wanted to see how you were doing.” I have confronted her about this, but she turns the whole thing on me, saying stuff like “You’re such a bad friend, you only think about yourself, you’re such a *****, etc….” and when i try to walk away, she blocks the door so i can’t leave her house. I guess you can say i’m fed up. I know i have my faults too, but i would never make someone go out of their way to help me if there are alternatives available. It makes her seem incredibly needy and immature, like she always needs someone to bail her out of a situation. I don’t mind doing it every once in a while. I spend the night at her house whenever she asks me to and comfort her when she and her bf fight, but this is getting to be too much. Every little problem she has, she calls me and demands that i go pick her up, no matter what time, no matter where i am. I think she relies on me a little to much, and it’s getting to be really exhausting. On top of being needy, she’s clingy, demanding, manipulative, and bossy too. When she doesn’t get her way, she yells at me. Honestly, what’s wrong with me? Everytime i tell her i can’t, she makes me feel even worse by yelling at me. Am i doing something wrong? She knows about all of these faults, and she says she’s trying to change, but she ISNT! Thinking back,I think I befriended her because she’s asian, like me, and at my university, there aren’t many asians. She’s really pretty, which, i admit, spurred my wanting to be friends with her, but honestly, i’d hate to say it, but i think that’s all she is, nothing but a pretty face. Had i known she was like this, i would have never befriended her. I guess in her case the saying that “pretty girls are *******” is true, or at least i think so. What would you recommend i do?
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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